Wednesday, December 29, 2004

of gifts and curses

current y! status : what good a date is if he doesn't turn up?
thinking of : you slammed a door, you get a pissed bitch with a stupid boyan scarf *muahahaha*

i didn't work today, ended my 5 days off work, purposely taken for my cousin's wedding. whoa, kalah pengantin cuti kekeke. been slightly rushing as my streamyx had been barred x bayar punya pasal i just want to drag things coz i'd be spending a bomb on my phone bills if the line was ok again. thinking of the sum i've been paying, i could get myself a decent lumix or even a good camera-phone. what's done is done lah.

so, what's up lately. friday i went out with the other zura to jusco, surveying things up and then went all around the world to pay my telekom bills. mommie came pick me up around 8pm. the original idea was that i'd go to bahau for the nikah and such. but as i've been on high fever and coughs, i cancelled the plan. my specially tailored kebaya wasn't finished yet on friday so we'd go back to muar the very next day.

saturday, went to my manager's house. his sister was getting married. back at home at 7 and mommie told me, my kebaya wasn't finished yet. i was having a headache. another night at home when we should've been in muar already.

sunday, this and that we got to muar at 7. we headed south early monday. reached jb around 11. been driving but gave up halfway. tired. the trip back, i drove the second half. mommie was too sleepy.

the cancelled plans were caused by mommie's hesitation coz her father, my grandfather is very ill. and the mood to actually celebrate the newlyweds just fade away. to make things worse, my granma had been snapping at everything that walks. i understood her though not completely. to actually stuck at home and not going is something, especially when the groom is your first grandson.

so, i thought i could be meeting my long time no see friend of 3 years. but he didn't manage to. and that was the final blow. with all the happenings around me, what could be worse, i wonder? it was so close, yet too far. reachable but .... there's always another time, people say. big, social gatherings aren't my stuffs anymore. neither one on one. geez, i'm getting old.

by the way, thanks for all the birthday messages. it was warming to become a 19 year-and-12 month old hahaha. i will still be a classy 19. i've been spending on christmas stuffs, celebrating my now age 2. bought 2 small cute snowmen and a holly wrath to hang on my door. oh, nabbed some jusco's christmas decos. LOL. wasn't it good to have your birthday on a holiday and with decorations to go with it? bliss, it is. owwww, my nose's leaking.

selamat pengantin baru abang zul & kak siti.

Tuesday, December 21, 2004


current y! status : gifts and curses
thinking of : unfinished report

i felt bored working today. zura, kasman and popai were resting today. ida maki shahrul tadi. just because he was complaining about ayu taking orders for unprepared products. that woman i tell you, is waiting for her ultimatum. just because she is the 1st assistant doesn't mean she's that powerful. enough of her lah.

i got 93% service for gapbuster's moment of truth. it always happen when i seldom be the order-taker and those gapbusters always came during that time. i failed in suggesting the dessert and the presenter's late in giving the products. he/she wrongly spelt my name to ann, instead of ain. fadzel told of how hamidee would cry foul that i failed the second test. the first one, was worst 44%. the second one, not getting 100% just because not suggesting dessert and the late service. i missed the big hamper promised for 100% gapbuster. cheh.

i already got the pictures ready! wow! i looked terribly different and come to think of it, a bit scary hehe. and the picture of me and him. zura teased me that i'd put the pics in my purse. hehe. well, we'll see. :P

i saw dain today! i've been looking all over for him and luck was on my side this afternoon. i just want to look over him, that's it. enough. coz he belongs to someone else, that's it. how lucky you are girl, that he chose to be engaged to you.

have class at 9.

Sunday, December 19, 2004


current y! status : my worst pains are words i cannot say, still i will always fight on for you
thinking of : how to get my bike back?

this past week had been a helluva activities.

december 9th, thursday : busy with mr ho's proposal. slept at 5am.

friday : woke up early to submit the proposal. rode to main camp with zura. sent her back and off to my parent's house. scrubbed the house clean, went shopping with mom for tomorrow's open house. drove to tesco and pick zura up. got back at 1am. slept at 3.

saturday : woke up early to wet market for today's masak-masak. went back and did the fish. settling the house. my first guest at 5pm was oggy and his housemates, particularly ghaffar, :P. after they went back, thought of having a nap but went out to buy some more stocks for tonight's guests. ayah nyen and his family came, banishes my mood to sleep. my last guest and particularly the most awaited, 16 mcD crews from jusco and my store at 2am. they swiped the food clean, much to my relief (banyak woo sape nak abiskan). and i only managed to sleep at 4am. he didn't manage to come though he sounded of coming likely coz his car was accidental.

sunday : cleaning the house. macam kemas rumah lepas kenduri. work at 3pm. left the store at 11pm. continued my stuffs, slept at 3am.

monday : woke up for class. this is the day. was worried with the car. luckily, mom sent her over here. didn't manage to sleep. took my bath and left zura to paint my face. getting ready for the dinner. yep! that much awaited mcD's annual dinner. drove to pick zura and the bois. arrived at emperor's at 7. there he was at the registration counter, gawking at this transformed plain girl to a cinderella. hey! zura told me this ok? LOL. i mean, i didn't even bother to smear some powder while at work and i came over there looking like some classy heeled executive? *hoh* but i swore i saw his admiring eyes everytime i caught him staring at me.

after the dinner, went to subaidah with them till 3-somethings. slept at 5am.

tuesday : class at 9. settling all those whatnots. those bitches made zura cry after she stand out. zura and i took a retreat at the lake after labs. poor zura. it was just hurting that all who befriends me would have to endure pain as the consequences. again i slept out late after supper in subaidah.

wednesday : class at 9, again. been driving all this while. had to send mr soo's tutorial. planning to go to jusco. we were damn hungry. on the way back, bada called. she just couldn't stand the pain anymore. end of story, she was admitted to icu. sampai jusco, makan macam orang gila. work again, slept at 4am.

thursday : class at 9. slept all the way through class. doing lab sessions. finding components for my final project. the shops were all closed. aiyo. went back with zura. work again. drove back to jasin at 2 somethings after sending cassandra and zura home.

friday : out of the house at 9am. goin to kl today. went to jalan pasar, pudu the electronic components haven. shopping crazy, wandering from one shop to another. late lunch at klcc. then straightaway to gombak as zura is not well.

saturday : out of my unc's house by 1pm. caught a bus at 3.50pm. arrived at mcD's at 6pm. borrowed fadzel's bike and gone to take my uniforms. work till closing.

phew! only yesterday i did manage to get more sleep hours. :D i missed him lah. he was on leave.

and mom quoted this "makin kurus, makin kecik baju ko pakai" ehem! i'm getting thinner! makan hati mane nak gemuk. i mean, working in mcD should've put some of its toll on me like on the other zura. my jeans are getting flabby. *sighs* getting to know those bitches made some closed wound to bleed again.

Thursday, December 09, 2004

a bit of, lifeless

current y! status : kebenaran terbukti, benarkah aku bersalah andai puncanya kamu?
thinking of : the open house


i'm just speechless with these days happenings. turned my world upside down and i could barely hold that full brim. they weren't just worth it.

i just can't like them anymore. those idiots bitches assholes stupid people boleh pegi mati. all you did was hurt me. what's wrong with me? did i ever hurt you? did i use your belongings? did i kill your cat? did i torture you with nasty words?

all i did was being myself, and you found me guilty as charged. zura asked me, why didn't they like to be friends with us? coz we won't be what they want us to be, zura. that's the problem.

i found some shocking truths and it made me really scared. they were so cruel. so cruel. and they were pathetic. knowing these backstabbers made me wanna laugh. those idiots, they just didn't learn don't they?

for my x-roomie:
i want to sort things out but we don't go the same way. so if they decided to dump you, don't look back and cry to me. coz i was that piece of sh!t you thought you'd have to ditch.

people, was i giving them space to hurt me? coz it wasn't worth it to deal with dahla bodoh, sombong plak tuh. i'm damn straight. i say what i want to say and when i want to say it.

thanks adul. you made me realize something i've left this past 2 months. though we barely knew each other, you did that for me and i'm grateful i've got the chance to know you. :D

Saturday, December 04, 2004


current y! status : usai sudah semua, ku dapat tertawa ria
thinking of : those fookin unsettled stuffs. *bzzzrrttt*

i got this from shad's blog.

Capricorn - Your Love Profile

Your positive traits:

You are serious about relationships and ready for a commitment.You tend to help your partner attain the success they dream of.You are a rock. Relationship problems don't seem to phase you.

Your negative traits:

Sometimes it's very hard for you to accept your partner's past. You are emotionally reserved, and difficult to connect with. You expect your partner to take care of you - and make cheat if they do not

Your ideal partner:

Is incredibly powerful and well respected.Is often older than you - and could be a superior at work.<--- dint this sounded VERY familiar? *muahahaha* Has a good amount of money... or the ability to be rich someday. <--- i am just plain materialist *hoh*

Your dating style:

Practical. A "get to know each other" coffee date is just fine by you.

i couldn't get up from bed this morning. too tired when i should've gone to see my supervisor for the project stuffs. despite the fact that i've to submit the proposal this monday, i was too lazy to ride to main camp still not briefed with the circuits i'm gonna do. 3 digits up counter module sounded very interesting.

and this is going to be my final year project :

it will count up from 0 to 999 and if i have enough time, i'll figure out how to count down hehehe.

but havin problems with the circuits to choose from. i've got 2 designs whereas one looked very simple but didn't have the pcb layouts. the other looked a bit of difficult with complex wirings but comes complete with pcb layouts for the proposals. hmmm, i had to study a bit more.

so, today was spent with wondering alone in jusco instead of goin to mahkota parade with the other zura tak boleh bangun nye pasal makan kfc nye garden salad, sedap nyerrr... you guys know that veggies are the love of my life, such heaven. hehe.

btw, stopped by at times, lookin at some books i'm aiming.

- eoin colfer - artemis fowl no 2 & 3 trilogy
- any 1 of john grisham's
- dan brown - da vinci's code <-- this one is gonna be a major motion picture starring tom hanks. so it's either best-selling dan brown's or artemis fowl. :P it's been a while since i read some serious stuffs apart from studies. i bought anak toyol jack-jack today. it giggles when phone rings. something like wee wee wee, tanak tanak tanak in a very merry tone.

cute jack-jack.

jack-jack had been one of the best-selling compared to his incredibles mom and dad with people queuing to buy him yesterday as it comes on timely basis. and only one case left just after 2 days. his blinking light mom and dad are boring. i like anak toyol him better. pijal bought 4 for his friends. LOL.

i'm gonna buy this on the 9th

and this on the 16th

i forgot to buy incredimobile for my baby that day. sold out already. huhuhu. very the canggih mobile. i'm going to look out in kotamas or jusco and soon seng plaza.

for those who ordered small mcvalue set, i'm sorry to tell you it is no longer available effective december 1st. gone with nasi ayam mcD and even ayam goreng crispy. go spicy!

Friday, December 03, 2004


current y! status : i'm tired with things you say, driving me away
thinking of : all of the stuffs to be settled by tomorrow

i looked like a piece of wreck today. last night's effect of lepaking with closing team at subaidah. boy's treat. got home at 3 something to wash my uniform and a bath. slumber at 4. had to drag myself to get up at 8 or i'd be late to main camp.

out from the house at 835. didn't have the mood to talk to the girls. kept mostly to myself. talking only when i was being asked. i just hate waking up from sleep with the first thought of him instead of my usual i'm late for class!!!!!!!!! it made me feel stupid and numb. in class, i was silent with having deep thoughts about him. even when mr ho was busy lecturing and i was in between drowsiness and wake, i saw him instead of mr ho. like i was drunk and having visions.

i felt stupid and the all-time feeling, pain. i wanted to cry because it hurts, hurting me. i wonder how could he cause so much effect on me when we barely see each other and it's only a month. he touched me in a way that made me feel protective. bah! this craps made me sick. it will pass, eine. it WILL pass!

the other night, closing team went to our vip (not 'that' VIP) yusuf's open house near pandan. he was doing the end-of-month stock counting. and that was one of the days i get to see him. coz his shift is always in the morning. vicky didn't know the way to yusuf's house so i'd have to ask him coz he's the only one who knows. so there i was, sitting in front of him, listening as he drew the map with a mechanical pencil. as i was absorbing the info, and pointing at certain landmarks on the map with my little finger, suddenly he jabbed my finger with the point of the pencil, causing me to scream sakitla, bongok in pain. he just laughed and not even said sorry, that jerk. that meant, he was playing around, a sign of fondness. hmm... a good sign, lol. he wasn't able to join us much to my disappointment relief.

yusuf's house was crammed with jusco's crews as his wife is first assistant manager there. some delicious laksa and mee goreng topping it all with a numbing cold sirap sedap. lepak-lepak after jusco boys were gone till late 3somethings.

i've been spending more time with the crews nightly. a drink or two at subaidah and balik melepak tido. but i'm happy.

mom's in ipoh already. gonna pick anis up. just finished her spm. then they're heading down to kl. i wish i'd gone but have to settle so many things. mom called me from ipoh when i woke up from my nap telling they're already in my aunt's house. when i told her about wanting to go, she said something that i'd never thought she would say. something like "habis, dah kerja nak buat camane? kalau x nak kerja, berhenti je" the former made me felt that she respected the fact that i worked, something she rarely show. hehe.

i'm being ignorant. and it tore me to do just that especially to the ones i cared very much about. boleh pegi mampus i just don't care. i've got more to deal with than care about what you think about my attitude. so, i'd care when, with whom i want to. deal with it. i can never satisfy you so you're not happy with with what i am, then so long suckers.

Monday, November 29, 2004

anger management

current y! status : new 64k same number simcard but old 3610 again. :(
thinking of : the 'stuffs' i tried at the mall

i should attend those anger management classes. i'm easily pissed nowadays. and my mouth works faster than my head, muttering vulgar words which i banned myself from saying. everytime someone / something pissed me, there's always s*al or b*bi coming right back at them. or even this afternoon's brengset at a car which appeared out of nowhere close by my side when i was trying to slow down from colliding with a slow bike.

the driver cynically said "hai, marah ke cik kak?" kepala otak ko x marah, bodo it disrupted my already foul mood. lucky i'm sane enough than flash an's infamous middle finger point.

this was one of the bad examples of working at mcD. our vocabs would make nik safiah and awang sariyan shrieked in horror. hehe.

everything looked red, worth complaining and swear about. i'm turning into a horrible hot-headed monster who chomps away on stupid customers, insensitive drivers and everything that won't go my way with those banned words.

those words made me feel guilty. i wasn't brought up with them. when we were little, my mom used to warn us that she'll cleanse our mouths with bawang or cili if ever she heard us using those words. that scared me a bit. i grew up with books, became a nerd with nerdie friends so those words are a definite no-no though we used them as a verb instead of as an expression of anger.

it is full moon but i'm scared that i get easily angered over little things. i have to get a grip on what's going on. have to take a deep and long breath and istighfar banyak-banyak. or was it the weather, i wonder?

my body is not okay. i can not consume rice at lunch without having the great urge to get everything back out again. i can not eat anything bigger than big mac. i can not eat on time. i can only consume dinner without having to puke only at mcD. and everybody kept asking "dah berapa bulan?" "are you alright?" i'm having this addiction for wrigley's doublemint to keep me from thinking about what i've just eaten and puke.

i've replaced my stolen simcard with a new one at maxis centre. the process was a breeze though i had to wait for some time. so you people, i'm still using my old number with my old trusty 3610. =) it's just painful that i'd have to replace the lost 3months-old 3100 with a new one. :(

i'm sporting a new spec. mom dropped by mcD yesterday to give me my new high-indexed multicoated lenses specs. i'm lovin' it!

p/s : beautiful-beautiful full moon. i'm goin for a late supper with closing team crews. :D

Sunday, November 28, 2004

boring day

current y! status : something so strong it could never be wrong
thinking of : the encounter

i am not feeling well now. i've been like this since day one here. instability and RM2.50 worth of mee goreng wasted down the toilet bowl. i was so mad and pissed at the stupid customers till i threw up all in one go. darah sudah naik kepala till i got a headache controlling my anger and keeping a bright and smiling face to those idiots.

but as i saw his car pass-by, i felt a bit better when i was a bit dissapointed seeing him not working when i arrived earlier. hearing his booming voice comfort me poyo nyer aku and i thought he'd gonna stay long but i was wrong. he came by just to give the tokens from sai fong. as i made my wobbly way to the toilet, all i hoped for was a glance. but none. and that was the last time i saw him yesterday. he'd gone back straight after that. remember, i had to play it slow.

i saw my significant other with another girl. seriously, i'd get mad before. recounting madly at zura of how and what and why. this time, i glanced at a guy i thought i knew, which i did and that was it. i couldn't even single out a feel of jealousy. maybe a bit but it wasn't enough for a guy i thought i've loved all this while. the only word i was able to mutter was pegi mampus oh ok. this me.d thingy really stuck. not even kyle. speaking of kyle, that distant feeling of maybe i've never known a love so pure, so trusting and so giving like it was for kyle. and maybe i've always believe that love is like a pail of water, you can always give it to anyone and still retain the half parts. LOL!

a new attraction opened my eyes for the facts i knew but kept a blind eye on. i kept asking myself, isn't that what i wanted all this time? but why am i hesitant to say yes when zura asked me the same question? i am having second thoughts. i'm still young but me.d is not. i have time to play around but he's not. why am i interested in guys that i have no interest to live with for the rest of my life? then probably it is just another matter of time. i miss him. =(

Saturday, November 27, 2004

happy as a bee

current y! status : scribblings on the wall
thinking of : the cute guy who ordered a fresh french fries

i purposedly went to mcD to see him today knowing that our shiftdidn't clash with each other. i dragged bada along there. to my glee, he was at the front counter, helping oni out. the place was jam-packed with families. we took a seat first waiting for him to be free from serving customers the crowd at the counter to thin out. we were greeted with a "balik2 muka dia je" and he gestured jokingly for the other line's customer to proceed. i was grinning though speechless. i kept saying wrong things when he was right in front of me. he enquired about my classes and i'm glad he cares. :P

his mood was better today, compared to yesterday when all that talked was our glances to each other. before bada and i went back, i asked to borrow 'The Terminal' cd - the movie he talked to me about. i liked the way he looked at me that time, the kind of soft gaze he seldom wore when we were all at work.

i'm in jiwang different mood. hope this affection dies. coz i'm not strong enough to carry on this secrecy anymore. i want to tell the world i'm happy and i couldn't do that because our workplace's policy doesn't allow affairs between superiors and crews on the basis of that the affair will affect and distract the progress of the store. experience lovebirds in the same class, you will know :P

by the way, friday is my official off-day. having no classes and soon, my cuti will be on friday too. giving me ample time to tido balik rumah my parents and settle my projects. now, i'm stuck thinking of what to wear for the annual dinner provided the theme is black&white. i only have 2 pairs of black baju kurung and a pair of white kebarung. but then, i'll have to ask my personal make-up artist LOL. my managers insisted on wearing something that people seldom looked you in. hmmmm.....? any ideas?

Friday, November 26, 2004

untolerable pain

current y! status : rindu padamu, hanya Tuhan yang tahu
thinking of : annual dinner of 2004

i guess i was in a crazy mood. knowing that he works morning shift made me thought of having lunch there. but it seems, i hadn't had much appetite lately with my runny nose, the queasy feeling of throwing up, headache and my sore throat. early symptoms of a fever. anyways, i did go with zura, promising to send her to melaka sentral after lunch.

as we arrived there on my bike, i glimpsed his figure cleaning up the outer lobby's table. i couldn't help but suppress a broad smile. he noticed my appearance and i felt his gaze shot through my body. all of the time i spent there, i just get that hard cold look, not even a hi or a smile. seems the chat we shared three days ago were nothing. but i knew he was watching or stealing a look or two at me. perasannye aku but it seemed obvious that everytime i lifted my gaze higher than zura's eye level, i'd always caught his eyes staring at me. there's this one time when i was looking outside at a passing biker on a 125z sampai terpusing-pusing heading for a public phone. when i turned my head to zura again, i saw him looking directly at me from the front counter with a smirk and i-know-what-you-were-lookin-at impression causing me to almost blush.

zura's remark was "orang tua tu yang ko gilekan?" well, he looked very old mature than his age. and my answer to the other zura's question of what's the attraction was that i am different from the other girls and i tend to find typical guys boring.

by the way, my faculty already shifted to our main campus in durian tunggal. tempat jin bertendang the place was beautiful with two man-made lakes and i can imagine in 5years how the place will look than like tempat meteor terbabas constructive chaos now. the place's 20minutes drive from our temporary camp. i'd rather ride on my bike than bangun awal nak keja bas experience nausea and headache and bumpy rides on the college's bus.

i need a bath and i'm gonna have a long day tomorrow to see my supervisor for the mini project and still not replacing my sim-card. i was supposed to get my new spectacles today but my baby was feverish causing mom not able to pick me up. poor thing.

Wednesday, November 24, 2004

in and out of love

current Y! status : mE.D
thinking of : why la isn't he working today?

firstly, SELAMAT HARI RAYA though it may have sounded late.

i am sorry i haven't updated this blog for so long. i've had my holidays after finals were over and i've been working my ass all over. i didn't even get myself to fully raya coz i worked everyday since november 1st, having an off day every week but not the week-long holiday everybody deserved for raya. and i broke the rules this year when we only got back to my kampung on malam raya coz i worked on the day before, the 1st and the 2nd of raya. before this, the latest we'll be back was 2 days before raya.

i guess i'm thankful to my mom for being so understanding of my dedication to work (err, it was my desperation to pay for the 2-months outstanding bill haha!), sending and picking me up from work everyday and every night early morning. my aunts and uncles were like are-you-out-of-your-mind and that i'm becoming a bad workaholic and gila duit hehe. can't help it, people. :P

by the way, my store has a new store manager, a guy who's strict, garang, tak hensem looks ok, funny, has an animal-like charm and a good example. i liked the way he laughs evilly at a good joke and the fact he's kaya financially stable. why did i bother to tell the world about this guy? coz these past few days had been restless and i can't think of anything without having visions of him in my head. i think i'm having a crush over him.

when did this actually started? since the day i first reported back after a month off. my heart always skipped a beat when he's a round but i just leave it to that, thinking that this infatuation would casually fade over time. but after this one particular day when i asked him what's the colour of his car, he took his rokok and sat beside me while i was having my break. we chatted about cars and bikes and even how to make the most out of your petrol. ok, it is still under control.

i continued my job and it was closing time and i had to do inner lobby. i started with sweeping the floor, before laying the table with red-cloth, sugar/creamer pots, flower pots and finally mopping the floor. he'd go around helping crews occassionaly and he started with me. he laid a few tables and i thought he'd just stop at that leaving me to do the rest. but i was shocked that he continued to finish laying ALL the tables. as i haven't finished sweeping the floor, he continued to MOP the floor. ow gosh. even if i'm the only girl during the closing shift doesn't mean he can onli help me. i kept thinking of what the other crews would say though i doubt that coz helping me kept his gaze off them. tak nakla makan gaji buta i asked the mop back from him though i had to silently argue with him when he insisted on finishing mopping the floor.

it was his soft side that touched me. he may looked brutal, lashing out at people with vulgar words but i sensed his loneliness. *sighs* but people say he's anti-girls. i don't really believe that though. zura even challenged me of for how long this crush will last? i don't know, zura. i fall in and out of love so easily that people find it hard to believe when i can be madly in love with 2 guys at the same time.

so, me.d is the only thing i can think of right now. not even my new campus could distract me from thinking of him. i'm scared coz this pain hurts. i'm even more scared when i couldn't stop grinning to myself everytime he crossed my mind. i felt like a kid experiencing puppy love.

for shakir, time kasih gelakkan aku, time kasih sebab cakap biar masa tentukan, time kasih sebab tak bagi aku amik part lelaki dan suh aku cucuk jarum hehehe.

by the way, i lost my handset at mcD. so for you people contacting me these days, i'm sorry you had to hear me working. i'm going to maxis centre tomorrow to replace my lost one. terbang 50 huhuhuh feel free to sms me :D

Wednesday, October 27, 2004

there she goes

current Y! status : left of a foolish fooled fool
thinking of : the guy who gave me Homecoming

aN left melaka already coz her industrial training will begin on the 1st of october. i will remember her coz no friends of mine ever affected me this way. those sleepovers, those shoulder cries, those late night trips to subaidah, the way she smells, her car. everything.

i love her very much. and i'm sorry she had to go leaving me here with another painful semester to go. the last day was spent with accompanying her to collect her car's road tax, she was driving and i like that coz it has been me driving all this while. we went to pantai kundur with her bf and the rest of the girls the night before. it was fun seeing the moon and playing with the waters.

the night she left when she sent me home, we stared long at each other when i gave in, crying and hugging her hard. she wiped away my tears and said she'll miss me too and ask me to call her up when i am down.

i will miss Nurul Hananie Mazlan. we can no more do the things we did.

i'm off to kl in a few minutes.

Sunday, October 24, 2004

bored to...

current Y! status : adDicted to: aRes
thinking of : how to kill time?

i'm on downloading frenzy! using my new addiction areslite here. thanx to arni from her rants of downloading from there. downloads have never been a breeze. i tell you with this connection, mp3s are a matter of minutes, if not seconds. but it can never beat torrents. coz this ares is just like kazaa in a lighter version and it won't bug you with annoying ads.

i've just finished redecorating and rearranging my room. thanks to my private interior designer. the room looks very comfy and sweet and DAMN! it's SPACIOUS! hahaha. and it is all MINE! man, they taught me of being selfish. and i am now.

i'm bored of how to kill time. mom isn't at home and i can't go back coz there'll be MUET speaking test on monday. the previous days i was worried of not having enough time to study. and right now i am complaining of having too much time. humans just aren't satisfied with what they had.

she isn't back yet. getting worried coz she said her bf should be gone after buka, and she's usually out with him and there's no sign of her. *sighs* the love is still there, even through the day she walked out from my life (err, i mean this room).

my mouth feels weird. due to excessive sugar intake just now. i need something spicy to help me ease this queasiness.

if time and situation permits, i'll be in kl this week. shopping!


read someone's blog today. and i feel what she/he felt though not in the same way.

for that particular someone,

i want to see you
through your times of pain and joy
coz you did see mine through
each and every one
i thought i deserve that small space
called your heart
i swear i did see that soft flicker of your gaze
of me
and it's not wrong to give away
for something that's worth both pain
and pleasure

just give me the chance
to love you
as well as i can

chatted with my sis, anis on the phone after she sms-ed me of her nervousness of her upcoming SPM. she complained of not having enough time to raya coz her xm will continue shortly after raya. oh well sis, padan muka! sapa suruh duduk jauh2? man i'm mean! and btw, i'll be working on raya. triple pay, my dears! now i'm waiting for subuh. though my eyes are barely open as i type this.

good day.

/added at 4:44am/

Friday, October 22, 2004

back, back back!

current Y! status : breathing easy
thinking of : how to arrange this room?

just got back from the last paper in this semester. statistics that was and i hate to say i didn't do a great job on it. *sighs* anyways, i'm free and was thinking of what to do during this puasa time.

my streamyx was doomed recently and this explained my poofness from cyberspace apart from the recent finals.

about my thoughts, i am officially having this room to myself. it is now very spacious coz i don't have that many stuffs and it is quite large for one person but just comfy enough for two. and by the way, i'm liking the idea very much coz it gave me the privacy even my parent's home lacks of.

i'm sporting a bob. cropped by mom. during the process, i almost cried, coz my fondness of my mane cost me my room mate.

speaking of her, yea, she rudely transferred her belongings to the next room and MINE to this room. topping all of that, behind my back. right, she and the other two fucked up girls. i don't lose anything in fact i've got the second largest room to myself. i used to get over that fact and getting used to this room called mine, and mine only. i'm not that mad at her as i am with the other two. won't they stop making that kind of face (kalo lawa takpe, hmm) like i'm the one asking for all these things to happen.

i was so mad at them days ago. i swore and cursed so that her bike would get punctured and she would have to ride with me. and God's bless, the next afternoon, my bike was the one to be punctured and shamefully, i had to ride with her. LOL. it was HIS warning of not asking for bad things to happen to other people even when they did wrong to you and this fasting month should be full of religious activities not full of cursing and hatred.

and this one gentleman was very kind to help me and these girls replace the punctured tyre when all we could do was push the bike to the nearest workshop about 2 kilometres away. and i didn't even bother to ask his name. shame on me.

my buka these days : nasi kerabu and enam-singgit apom sengih. zura kept complaining about my lack of variety for buka. i'm happy eating that food, i'll change when i get bored, but i doubt that coz it's full of veggies i love. besides, this is the only time of year i'd get my supply of blue-coloured, full of stuffs nasi kerabu.

now, who'd want to help me with redecorating my room?

Saturday, October 09, 2004

giggly and silent

current Y! status : i love what you did to me when we were out watching the stars above, i love what you did to me when we were out in the sun. mahal kita!
thinking of : what's with my sappy Y! status?

i'm breathing control, i'm eating control, i'm sleeping control, everything is control principle to me. and now i'm turning mcD into control. hahaha.

this house is doomed. when i'm out with these two, the other 3 stays. when we were back, they got out. it happened. *sighs* do what you wanna do. this burns my spirit to study hardest. :D

demam, demam!

current Y! status : please don't do that, you're hurting me.
thinking of : why did i sleep alone last night? and the nights before, too?

i've been studying to death these days. wargh! tebiat ke aku ni, paper hari rabu, seminggu awal dah study? well, the fact that i slept during the lectures and my flunking course marks which covered 60% of the overall grades, i couldn't risk my already sikit cgpa. :P

an is not here. much to my dismay. she went back to temerloh. oi pompuan, balik cepat sikit! i missed her pitchy voice, the way she turned my world upside down with her silly jokes to cheer me up. ngeh ngeh. i missed you, woman!

i'm being gedik lately. and made the fool out of me when zura kept teasing me of my so gedik antics. *breathes deeply* my world since an went back was books, notes, zura and bada. and this comfy room which was now so cold. it used to be so warm, where i seek comfort and ease. it changed since she deserted me.

Wednesday, October 06, 2004

the words are just too much

current Y! status : coz i am your missing rib
thinking of : finals next week

my aunt just got back from japs to settle her passport. and prior to that she's here, my grandma made nasi ambang for the surau. i love the spirit of nasi ambang (big trays of rice topped with fried mee, chicken curry, sayur lodeh, salted fish and serunding) eaten with at least four people coz of its hefty size. but it promotes unity. that's what i loved about it.

my recent trip to the village touched me. how my big family cared about each other. especially now that i'm working, my aunts and uncles were extra worried about how i juggled studying and working. i'm the first in the family to mark the history of studying and working at the same time. well guys, i'm managing fine here. i don't have problems with my time just the people around me. :)

speaking of the latter, i don't know. i'm building a heart of steel, a head of destruction wahahaha! it's just i'm getting to terms with "i am cooler than you thought" though i may bucket tears when everybody's not lookin. *sighs* if destroying my happiness, taking her away from me can make you guys happy, then do it. we're all grown-ups, guys. and this is our final year. our last moments together. do you want to remember this as our memories together? where there's nothing but hate, revenge and pain?

i'm tired. tired of this not nice feeling. i may have done something that i may not notice hurting, but is this the right way to make me realize what i did wrong? that all the blame is on me? the questions never end. don't teach me things you might regret later.

as for now, i thank these two very nice girls. thank you for keeping the secret, tight. and thank you for believing in me.

keys-off now. the thought of waking up alone just send shivers up to my spine.

Thursday, September 30, 2004

free, for now

current Y! status : i don't fuck with you so don't you EVER fuck me up!
thinking of : a date tonight, maybe?

oh yea! monday wasn't my last day of work. i still worked the next day. got this cute i'm lovin it tote bag for the crew with the most large mcvalue set upselling last week, LOL! haven't really figured out how did i get that one kekeke.

i've been experiencing this internal backside pain which caused severe cramps to my being. and the pain was unbearable on tuesday night while i was working till i had to ask kesh to go to the clinic. i couldn't even stand nor sit. i ended my shift one hour and a half earlier after bidding everybody goodbye.

when i reached home, all of what i've been feeling; rejected, humiliated, sadness, sorrow, worn-out, tired, disappointed, pain; flowed in one direction through bucketful of tears. all of it, in one go. and i can breathe easy after that. called mom up, at 12am, reminiscing of the pain and she mentioned of coming but i said it was ok if she didn't though i was dripping from head to toe of bathing and tears. was thinking of goin out alone but thought better. get myself online and replied to a few messages when suddenly the door burst open.

there, my one and only caring mother hugging me like a baby. janganla jealous! thanks MAK! it meant so much to me when everybody else is not around. she did come even though it was 1 in the morning and she had to go to the school at 7. rounds of talk and she went back at 2 something after hugging me hard and whispered she'll always be there, ALWAYS. tak lupa gak suh aku study, hahaha!

i felt better after that though i'm still in for another big shock. please guys, let the world befall upon me but don't take this 2 people away from me. =( don't hurt them coz when they are, i will too. when i will, i can make your life miserable, feel their pain a thousand times more. i don't care if you're plotting against me but what did i do to deserve this? i keep to myself mostly, i don't use your belongings, i don't even interfere with your lives whatsoever. what else must i do to be left alone? i'm juggling this to death and i'm getting this shit from your fucked up face? that you're stabbing my back with the so-called weapon?

please, be honored. i'm too strong for this. don't say you're sorry when i speak my piece of mind which i've been putting to hard work recently. i loathe your faces. felt a savage desire to just rip that sneer off you. oh i'm sorry. right now is the full moon and i tend to overload my emotions and reactions with mad thoughts. THE PAIN? the more it feels through my body, the more i want to say, oh hello bitch! have a bitch day, bitch. hahaha. man, i'm evil. this hatred just vibrates through this weak bod. oh i'm happy!

p/s : i'm gonna flunk my electronic apps 4 sure. adoi.

Monday, September 27, 2004

life just sucks

current Y! status : get up, rock on, it's time for a new drool subject
thinking of : 19:16, buka time!

i woke up this morning for instrumentation lecture, feeling a bit edgy. i don't have any idea why but these days happening whatnots just tore me. and you know what? i said this to my room-mate before we were gone to class, she in front of the mirror,

me : tau tak? life just sucks.
awei : kenape?
me : entah

and that one was my first greet of 'good morning' to her before i said anything else.

the crush-engaged-to-someone-else-thingy, my housemates fucked me up last friday giving me the creeps to scream I DON'T FUCK WITH YOU SO DON'T YOU EVER FUCK ME UP! i felt cheap and degraded when they did that. why la you guys tried to make those kind of fucked up lame jokes during this worse condition. i'm having so much in my head till i don't know where do i stand now. having problems, with money, my flunking course-marks. *sobs* kyle, i'm stuck nowhere.

but topping all of that, today is my last day working, before my one-month off-schedule. i'm not that happy but not that sad either. i'm happy coz i can study for finals, unhappy coz when i'm feeling troubled, there's always the cheery face of zura, vicky, kasman, syeedee, popai and zand to give me the warm feeling of togetherness and that i don't feel so alone.

ok, time for the uniform.

Sunday, September 26, 2004

time, for a new crush!

current Y! status : the guy i have a crush on, is somebody else's fiance
thinking of : dain, engaged.

yep! dain is officially hitched to god-knows-who. fizal told me last night when i was about to end my night shift. i was cool when i heard the news, but along the way back, i was on the verge of tears. it was sad, i've never felt a guy affected me this way. *deep breath* well, i still can adore him from afar, right? that calm face i started to get affected with. i hope he's happy and that's all i cared.

my favorite buddy was online last night. time kasih shakir. sayang ko sangat! to omar, thanks for the remark, of all the remarks, LOL! and for khaleel, understanding myself better eh? i think it's time to rock on and find a new guy to drool for.

my significant other is asleep when i called him a few hours ago. relieved that he's not out in the streets, racing. here's a picture of my classmates, the girl in yellow tudung is awei, my room-mate and the other is idda.

mcD night fellas, you guys rock my world!

Monday, September 20, 2004

farewell farewell

current Y! status : What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying? The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

thinking of : the heavy workload and tests this week

i've been doing back-sink for friday and saturday closing. the first one came when popai asked me if i could do back-sink (back-sink is the term for basuh periuk belanga masa kenduri) and as i was pissed with kesh, but even if i didn't i would have give it a shot anyway. so, took off my heels and changed to phua chu kang boots with an extra protection of plastic bags so that my feet won't smell tungkik hahaha. you know how boots smell right?

it wasn't that bad and that hard either. i managed to finish by 12.30am and the second day an hour late, i don't have any idea why. i think i don't have any problem doing back-sink after this as vicky planned of plotting against kak ida. she was mad because she thought we were stealing hours. that really blew vicky up. the other girls may scream "rosakla tangan. tak nak la buat back-sink". that is very true. my hands were puffed and in pain. this was caused by the detergent used is of high chemical quantities.

i don't why the heck i did it. i'm not up to gain the guys' respect or what coz zura remarked of "kalo vicky tau, mesti dia lagi sayang dekat ko". maybe the challenge drives me. tapi masakla 2 hari berturut-turut, besoknya bangun kul 3 petang hahaha. buruk perangai anak dara nih.

even missed to send anis to melaka sentral. really couldn't lift my eyes and get up. she was happy with her comeback this time. the last time before her spm exams. i'm happy that she's happy. my housemate zura asked didn't i feel jealous of her? getting to the one of the best schools in malaysia, getting what she wanted stuffs. well, the fact is i am not jealous at all. coz she worked her ass hard for it. i myself could get those stuffs but i chose this path where i am at now. so, no regrets. :D

kasman and zand are having their convo this 9th at skudai. anis' will be on the 13th but my finals will start on the 12th hehe. the sooner they graduated, the more i'm feeling sad. they were so nice to me, especially kasman. spent last nite sitting on my bike with him and we were talking to the rest of closing crews. i felt like staying there all night, talking to them.

got back home at 3am and i was stunned. everybody was looking for me when i didn't turn up around 1. i always leave my mobile when i'm working. kak an and awei even fought of my whereabouts. they even planned to go out and search for me when they couldn't locate me with apai or at my parent's house. thank you guys. love you!

yesterday, malacca's operation consultant, saifong was at the store. she reviewed the performance of the crews from the standard's point of view with kak ida. she complained that the crews "tak senyumlah, especially the specky one" haha. i'm the only specky at the counter. :P i'm friendly but i reserved my smiles. you know that kind of steely smile, where your lips curved to a smile but your eyes didn't show that hint of friendliness. she detected that i guess.

keys-off now. i'm tired. have to find movie trailers for my technical communication presentation this thursday. sayurrrrnara (kasman's trademark :D)

Wednesday, September 15, 2004

a letter for myself

curent y! status - where the fucken on earth is that piece of shit?
thinking of - silat grading

dear eine,

hi! i know you're not in a stable state right now so i just sat here and felt like typing for you.

first things first. how's your significant other? he's fine i know but what about what between you and him? obviously there was nothing to tell about but let me remind you something. you've been through this before and you can overcome this one just like you did last time. he's nothing believe me girl, but the nothingness filled the emptiness in you right? *sighs* i don't care if he went out with a thousand girls but he could at least respects you. this is not right. i can ask you to just forget of what had happened, but being through this before, i know better. he's the kind that stuck for life, isn't he? what a lucky lad.

well, i wouldn't say he's a bad guy - he's one of the softest and nicest i've ever known, but maybe just maybe he hated commitments. he goes with the flow and he doesn't care if the world treaded upon him.

girl, i know you're very fond of him so get out. just get out. where he won't hurt you no more, where the nothingness won't become the pain. if he realized what he's missing, he'll come back. for you, i'm sure. and don't keep saying that you're afraid of losing a best-friend. i thought you had kyle. people change, eine so don't expect things to go the same way as it used to be.

that soft gaze isn't goin to melt you anymore. coz that gaze hurt you and i wouldn't allow that to happen again. i'm sorry this had to happen when you had so much in your mind. you're much stronger than you thought, so fight it like a man. and don't let other people hurt you. for once, be bold and face the world. you'll be surprised.

anis is coming back, right? that's good news. heard you're goin back tomorrow? get the car, drive it like hell, when was the last time you geared a 130km/h? oh malacca is very much bumpy and holed nowadays.

take a deep breath and breathe fresh air. you'll be fine during silat grading tomorow. and stop thinking about this whatnots. not worth the time. get good sleep and eine, be tough!

sincerestly me,


Saturday, September 11, 2004

slightly unhappy

current Y! status : i did what i did and i made myself did what i did, so what if i did what i did?
thinking about : dain..dain..dain..dain

my significant other is making me felt weird. feels like the feeling towards him is not what it used to be. this is what i feared when we started getting on close. coz he's like a wild pigeon, coming towards you and gets away when you started close. and i was afraid of being too possessive which i shamefully did, causing him to withdraw. i'm happy with what we have but i can't help caring for him even when he regarded me as a friend (which i doubted much with that soft gaze i fell in love with hahaha!). fly away guy, coz even it hurts me, at least i know we are not meant for each other. you will still be the bestest friend i've ever had.

i'm gonna have this MUET crash course at 9am. i don't know why language dept didn't do the usual MUET classes they had each semester. maybe not enough request but there were so many candidates as the first degree and diploma batches are going to graduate next year. and the one i'm attending is the first of two series held in another 2 weeks. then there's this english camp today too, organized by the same department but i didn't manage to attend because whatever it is, MUET is more important. 3rd year degree students are required to attend and of course kak an with no regrets skipped it. she's going on a picnic with the girls. they asked me to join them too but MUET.....

not for khaleel. his english is damn phat and he had to go because everybody else's names on the list. he complained about going, fussing about the precious time he'd let wasted instead of doing assigments and studying but he did go. hope you're having fun there, khaleel.

HAPPY 22nd BIRTHDAY for Asrul! May ALLAH bless you with good health and longevity.

A belated wish for my dearest and bestest room-mate i've ever had, Awei. *mwahx* she turned 20 on the 9th.

Tuesday, September 07, 2004

sleepy and sick

current Y! status : offline. i'm at awei's pc.

just woke up from a nap. i didn't feel very well. ni hujan smalam punya pasal laa.

micro-p class was cancelled this morning. tau, aku skip class je tadi. but i didn't regret it because i saw the object of my eye, dain. whenever he's within sight, my spirit rose high and made me looking forward brightly to the day. funny how this tall guy made such impact on me. kalo die lalu time aku kat klas, ngantuk2 trus segar bugar. hahaha.

my room's phone been blocked. petang smalam gi bayar, malam trus kene block. hampeh! but telekom did call me through one automated voice call, reminding me to pay the 2 outstanding months bills. not that i didn't have the money, but time constraints forbade me to do so. didn't i mention of waking up in the morning to go to class, got back and get ready for work. i seriously don't have time for other things before i go to work except classes and lunches (which i've been neglecting too, lately). after work? well, my shift ends at 12.45am. any post office open by then? hahaha.

later people. on my way to instrumentation tutorial.

Monday, September 06, 2004

walkin in mid air

i can't breathe easy
can't dream you
had another dream without you
lying next to me
there's no way.....

blue - breathe easy

current Y! status : available "ice blended mocha. yum!!"

call me jiwang, call me sappy but i am currently addicted to the song above. and i am not alone addicting. awei and idda, too. and it is the theme song of me and awei's room. :P

i'm having a headache to choose awei's birthday present this coming 9th.

- a bracelet she's had her eyes on - too bad, the promotion ended already
- chocolates - she didn't like em
- some perfumes - hmmmm....??
- jewellery box - aaaa...???
- carved keychains - too far...

and i can't decide. haiyoh. this is driving me crazy.

my significant other's playing hard to get. i've learnt my lesson. giving him the space and the rope to pull, hahaha! the truth is, i loved his soft gaze when he looked at me. just to be on the safe side. i'm happy with what we have now. *grins* though there's always space for something more.

Wednesday, August 25, 2004

dah demam?

current Y! status : when the time comes to tell you the painful truth

these girls in my house are having AF fever. tengah2 nak xm malam kang boleh layan satu round cd AF. sorry, they're a lil bit outdated when the winner was already crowned. hehe.

all the people around me were on such craze over AF. actually i don't really get this thingy goin on. what's with the addiction? apai spent 200bucks+ voting for farah, kalah gak. well, this AF stuff isn't really my cup of tea. layan tengok boleh la. nak habiskan kredit, :P

i'm freaking myself out over the network settings. my switch won't work which has been putting headaches to my big head, which temporarily have been kept full and overloaded haha!

i'm having a packed week. 3 major tests, and a major report to submit. one test flunk already. tinggal dua je lagi selang sehari. :P

kak ida, my second manager in command was shouted at last night. by whom else? auntie of course. the closing team wasn't having enough people which pissed vicky off and he was so furious he kept quiet and made face all the time even when auntie asked him what's wrong. i was supposed to be there at 6 but i already told kak ida that i will not be around until closing coz i got an exam. when i reached there, kak erra warned me of telling kesh about this coz he thought i wasn't showing up. i explained to him that i was having an exam and i already told kak ida about this. that was a big mistake coz i told kesh all about that in front of auntie. she started tattering about this and that and she blamed kak ida for it. she made kak ida cry.

i don't know, but i thought these people would understand that i'm working because i need to support this streamyx stuff. and i'm doing it in my leisure time which didn't particularly made everyone happy. this is not my job. i know i'm still a student, so please understand my condition as a student that was subjected to what the lecturer says.

a friend said this " i know you're stronger than this. going to lectures, managing the house's rents and bills, stolen of your leisure and rest time and you're working. "

well, i am but please don't make me feel tired of what happened. i've had more than enough so just leave me, i'm fine without others messing up my life and questioning my decisions and rights.

Saturday, August 21, 2004

of the songbird

that day, when my friends and i were studying for our statistics test, farrah complained of being so hungry at 4 in the morning. headed down to subaidah but unfortunately my favorite naan cheese finished already. so i opted for a roti helikopter hahaha. yea, it looked just like the rotor hehehe. but didn't finish it coz it tasted stupid.

a few of collegians showed up. of course guys. hahaha. hmm.. i didn't know that the restaurant attracted many students in the wee hours of the morning. i think the place's price is reasonable. not just for the orang-kayas only. known for its nasi kandar.

very much blur now. i'm clicking ptr. lookin forward to the first paycheck. hahaha! *evil*

my significant other dropped by just now, handing me my new RAM. very much inviting. looked fresh though just woke up from sleep. hehe. wishing i was there. :P

i'm exhausted and worn out. got this survey thing to finish. tomorrow i want to go to jusco with awei. got this lovely bracelet she's been hagging me of. we'll see. esok fizal ada hahaha! esok keje sampai kul 11 je. bestnye!

i am broke. any part-time job for me?

Wednesday, August 18, 2004

when hunger strikes

it's 3 in the morning and i'm still hovering over this pc. why? i'm dead tired and i'm hungry. very hungry that i feel like going out of the house right now and get that naan cheese from subaidah. help!

thinking of that blue 125z with that white arc helmet on that head of someone. i can eat a horse now. the week after break is killing me. i've got 1 major test, 1 assignment and 1 tutorial to be submitted.

next week? horror! one major report and analyses, 2 major tests. *lmao* i'm going to be crazy shortly.

i'm going to shower. and a trip to subaidah. i really need something decent to eat, not maggi.

Thursday, August 12, 2004

the trip.

hey people. i just got back from kl yesterday. spending my 3 days off work. i enjoyed every bit of it (except the time when i was stuck in the bus among so many people in a bad traffic jam, hadoiii!)

monday : arrived. shopped with my aunt and her husband at sogo. tired, the three of us slept like logs when we got home in selayang. got something for my bros.

tuesday : went out to visit farrah in sentul with zura, coz she said she was down with fever. turned out she was ok, and we went to klcc. i ate a very big portion of chicken rice. rasa nak muntah hehe. this was the time i got stuck in the bus. pengsan jap.

wednesday : balik. leaving my bags in pudu and went to klcc. went out with haneem. she was shopping like crazy. luckily i reminded myself of the amount i've already spent. kalo tak, hahaha! i had a great time with a great girl. i will always remember the candy floss we shared. :Þ

i didn't manage to get a bag. semua nya tak berkenan. and i felt sorry too, i didn't get to see everyone especially kay, shad and izyan. tak sempat and i don't fancy seeing all of you in one go. next time eh, people?

anyways, i missed that someone. i don't know if he's special or not but he sent butterflies and electric shocks over me.

to a friend, i don't know if you're avoiding me, or you're that busy, but i'm holding on to what you said when we first talked, that we're going to be friends. what friends are for? care for each other even when we're million miles away.

august birthday wishes :

kak an - belated 21st on the 3rd
azwan - belated 20th on the 8th
shamsudin - turned 18 yesterday
natasha - 20th this coming 14th

may Allah bless all of you with good health and money (so boleh belanja hahahaha!). alright. i need to get out to work. see you!

Sunday, August 01, 2004

happy friendship day?

wishing all of you happy friendship day.

i am currently talking to apisz on the phone at the moment. he's now in kuantan, gonna drive his aunt for her convo in penang. why does his time of blues is almost the same as mine? he's had problems which i found touching. soft soul, just like apai. speaking of the latter, i miss.


Saturday, July 31, 2004

the order of streamyx

tell me tell me baby
how come you don't wanna love me
don't you know that i can't breathe
without you
tell me tell me just how
why can't you love me?

nsync - tell me tell me baby

my workplace is driving me nuts. not the place. the people i'm working with.

1- conflicts with morning shift crews
2- stupid managers cutting down salaries

i can handle it if they'd just keep shut when i'm around. the fact that they dragged me in the conflict. i heard things. and right now, i'm thoughtless. i cannot think especially when kazman throw me that killer grin. shit! that guy's a real short hearthrob. anyways, i've been good friends with the night people: kesh, zura, zand, popai, syeedee and not forgetting uhum...kazman hehe. these guys really made my day.

next week's the final week before the first half of the semester ends. 2 major tests and 2 long reports to be submitted on the same day. i wish i had more time. at this moment, i'm not sure if i actually felt anything.

coz now, i want to see that familiar face of that particular someone, to have him listen to me, to tell me that everything's alright and that i want to break down and hug him hard, in his consoling arms. but he's not here.... nowhere near.. (haha! poyo nyer ayat.)

i am trying hard. but khaleel's trying to get my attention again. it's driving me crazy. i mean, how would you feel when one of your closest friends on whom you had a crush on started to shy away after he hooked up with one of your friends. mad? maybe understanding. but after he broke up with her, he started on you, expecting things to go exactly like before. hey come on la. you dumped her. hadoiii.

to that someone, if we managed to make it through your birthday, you'll be surprised. *grins*

actually i want to put up a missing person's advert. where is dino?

p/s : just gotten hold of streamyx today. after exactly 2 months.

Tuesday, July 20, 2004

them all are finks!

today is what i call a rather not so typical day. why? coz i'm hearing things in my head. thoughts that needed to be heard and cried out.

saturday :
it was nearing 11 and all left were a beef burger and a filet in the product bin. customers kept pouring in and i was worried. i was the order-taker for the drive thru. (ehem! i've been order-taker as long as i can remember). my manager gave the instruction of the customers should wait if they really wanted the product.

i took that for granted and what did i get? a rude shout from vicky. in front of the customers. that really disrupted my mood, though he apologized later, after a bucketful of cries. haha.

sunday :
kasman changed shift with vicky so he worked in the afternoon as i was. relieved to see that familiar and grinning face of his and zura (this is another zura, please!) of weeknight shift. really, i'm getting fonder of him. feels so at work wit his familiar gestures of getting in and out of the cooler and the freezer.

picked kak an and the gang up at melaka sentral. drove like chasing the devil out of me. i was alone and i don't fancy getting into a slow ride alone, i could fall asleep while driving after finishing my shift at 6.

called dino up. i thought he was missing in action after a few unanswered calls and voice mails. really, i've had bad thoughts. missing cellphone, 'bateri kong' (as my case hahaha!), or the more intriguing thought, hmmm....??? glad he was there.

trying to finish my electronics application lab report. i left awei doing the answers after finding the resources on the net ( sucks! where's streamyx, dammit?)

monday :
missed two classes. on purpose. needed to finish the lab report.
the lab was cancelled. and the report could be submitted tomorrow's night. i felt like an idiot missing two classes early in the semester.

the lab will be on tomorrow night and i had to excuse myself from work. this time, for real! this weekend we'll be having a biro tata negara camp for those who'll be graduating next year. aiyohh!! another three days wasted 60 bucks!

now if you'll excuse me, i want to write my emergency leave letter. :Þ

Monday, July 12, 2004

hard times...

this sad entry was supposed to be of last night, when i last blogged here.

i drove kak an's car to work as i was sending a rack that awei bought to tasik utama. parked the car at my usual spot. got out of the store at 12.40pm revving up the engine while talking to my fellow colleagues. after bidding each other farewell, i saw the cats' mother in front of the car, and i started to wonder where were her 3 kittens? no signs of them. so i kinda took for granted that her kittens may be out in the bushes.

slowly i reversed the car when suddenly i noticed a large bump of a big hole or something, where did that bump or hole came from? to my horror, i saw a kitten, badly bleeding, her head smashed revealing the insides and blood. i ACCIDENTALLY ran over it!

i saw it. i saw with my own eyes how it fought the pain and rolling from side to side when it gave in, dead. i almost cried when the shock overtook me coz the mother kept licking at her dead kitten. i froze all the way home.

it felt sad that only the night before that i bothered to name the 3 kittens. and the cutest of them all was killed.

Sunday, July 11, 2004

my apologies...

i am really sorry i haven't been updating this for a very long time. record tuhh. sebulan tak update hehe. anyways, the semester already begun and assignments are getting longer and longer. and work keeps getting to me often.

i wrote a page or two for this blog but haven't had the chance to upload it here. awei's scanner just sucks. huhuhu. and i'm using her pc too. my modem is problematic. and streamyx is not even up yet.

my life these days is about getting up in the morning (on time!! which i had the trouble to recently), getting to class, be conscious enough to be in class, eat lunch, be in lab, completing workshops, get back, ready for work, work and back again, half asleep and sleep and the same routine again. boring eh? what to do? have to pay the bills, have to maintain myself coz the demands kept getting higher each time (clothes, streamyx, errr makeups? hahahaha! i'm saving for a new hdd lohh)

if i got the time, i'll upload the piece i've written during a tutorial hahaha. just wanna say hi to dino. thanks for dropping by.

Friday, June 18, 2004

when you can keep your head when the others are losing theirs

holding my last breath
safe inside myself
are all my thoughts of you
sweet raptured lights
... no one's there ...

evanescence - my last breath

problems are meant to be solved. but what if by solving it you're going to hurt the person you loved more than anything in this world?

i wished i could lie, but as this tears rolled by, i can't hide it anymore. the pains hurts just too much.

backstabbed by friends is bearable though the wound keeps bleeding right down to this moment. coz at least you have someplace else to turn to. some one to trust, some one to hold you when your world fell apart.

but how about you no longer can trust anybody and that particular someone turns their back to you? and the world came crashing down on you? you've got nowhere to go to and the only thing that comforts : yourself. and it even started tearing away from you.

wishing that particular someone would just listen, but no they don't. even when both of you are bonded by blood. no more wishings. i could cry a river, but do they even cared? at least i know, these tears to save me from hurting myself and everybody else.

just me, here. alone with dark thoughts. swallowing all of these on my own. where nobody understands. nobody could. nobody ever will.

Monday, June 14, 2004


So much happened since i last blogged something here. So, my baby is back again. Fixed by my dearest apai whom so nicely came and pickup my baby. my maxtor hdd had so many bad sectors that needed fixing and apai replaced it with one of his 10gig hdd. he knew i had to finish the report that was due on friday and it was already wednesday and i hadn't type a single word. so, his niceness (which made me felt weird, he'd never been that super-nice before, hmmm....?) saved my ass from lately sending the final report of my practical.

now? i'm working dear fellas. at the big M. for Makan, the place to make you sMile. yep! i'm now working at my favorite place to hangout. McDonalds.

first day - The first thing the training manager said to me,

Him : bawak lipstik?
Me : tak (hello, i don't even have a single tub of lipstick)
Him : besok pakai
Me : err, ok,

and i spent the next two hours watching boring videos. the other crews were very friendly and helpful. i ended my shift at 4pm, tired and sores. everything's in pain.

second day - i couldn't stand lipsticks. i only have two banana boat lip glosses. the other manager,

Him : besok pakai mekap. awak tak pakai ye, dik? (in a warning tone)
Me : pakai, bang (really i did lipgloss, tau)
Him : tak nampak la. bagi merah lagi. kalo boleh cat merah je terus

i wish! if the paint will not cause any effects to my lips i'd rather. i don't fancy lipsticks. too messy.

and i went to my local store, buying my first lipstick. ended buying a glitzy star from follow me. err, my local store got no maybelline.

third day - i went to work feeling my lips were rather creamy and swollen. cause of the lipstick. and i think people would notice the color from afar.

i am the kind of person who perspire much on the moustache area. i wiped my sweat on my sleeve and to my horror, i found lipstick smudges on them! aiyooo! see, i'm not suited for this kind of thing. and the workplace is hot coz i was in the kitchen, frying and packing fries.

fourth day - still on fries but i helped the presenters prepare drive thru orders.

thanks to those heavy frying baskets, both of my hands were swollen and painful when pressed. my waist hurts when i sat down for my 30 mins break. tomorrow, i'm gonna start taking orders for the drive thru. customers flow in but maybe not too many as tomorrow's a working day.

where's my grisham book?

Thursday, June 10, 2004

of boyfriends and girls?

my friend and i talked about physical appearance and personality that day. this so professional topic came up upon the question of his : why was this girl still single?

the probabilities were:

- that i didn't look hard enough
> err, hello? i'm not the kind of girl who looked for her guy like shopping for clothes.

- that i was too picky
> why would i settle down for the second best available? let go, i want to see the world. but in the end, still wanting the not-logically-existed perfect package?

- give up the shy girl type. it's time for the flirtatious hottie chick.
> definitely... not.

- that i am not girlish enough?
> ok, so i don't wear and loved pink that much. and i'm not into trends, or eyeshadows or lipsticks and i don't wear heels *eeek*. and i consantly not associated with all of those. but i'm still a girl. i have it stamped on my forehead.

my mother has been nagging about my half-half attitude. what halves? her exact words were, "nak kata perempuan, tak duduk rumah, tak suka buat kerja rumah, kerja melasak keluar sana sini tapi nak kata lelaki, dah sah-sah perempuan". i'm very much aware of that, mom. and i'm proud i'm a girl. very thankful for it.

the fact is, i'm a girl that guys like to be friends with, not the one they'd have to be their girlfriend. so, i'll just live my life for now, enjoying the freedom to go out with anyone, having crushes on guys without feeling guilty and be me.

maybe, i should go to grooming classes?

Monday, May 31, 2004

pissed. off.

pc aku rosak. dedua skali plak tu. yang fedora nye memang lembab, tuka machine tak bleh detect graphic card plak. win ME tetiba wat hal. CMOS tak nak tuka boot device, lagi bodo.

mana aku nak taip final report aku wargh! streamyx kat tasik utama tak cukup port. woi, tambah port cepatla, aku nak online cepat ni. nak update blog pun tak bleh. dah dedua pc aku rosak, chist! ni aku kat ofis, amik boot-cd ME. skaligus online.

chow. so kalo lame tak update, pc aku rosak lagi la tu. adoi.

Friday, May 28, 2004

like an office-boy.

Don't know who to trust
No surprise
Everyone feels so far away from me
Heavy thoughts sift through dust
And the lies

From the Inside - Linkin Park

*huffs* just got back from :

1 - went to the academic office, taking 5 MUET forms for me, awei, adrian, sha and her bf. and filling their names.
2 - photocopying hami's certificates to 3 copies each. and i had to figure out which one is which. argh! got meself a copy of STARZ! - the lil brother of Gempak, Utopia and HYPE!
3 - my house, sorting hami's certs and piling them in the correct order. the fan blew hard and the papers flew everywhere. argh!
4 - ayer keroh's police station to certify the copies of the certs. the inspector even grumbled about the thickness of the certs he had to signs. think it was an inch thick. he messed the cert's order, argh!

---- found out hami didn't sign the application form ---

5- back to the office to get his signature and writing the address on the envelope

--- he signed the form and i typed the address and printed it on paper, cut it and glued it to the envelope. wrote the positon he applied for. we had to do it discreetly because he didn't want the boss to know he's applying for another job. i glued the envelope but forgot the certs. stole another 3 envelopes. brought scissors and glue and a pen. out of the office and went to a dark corner. ripped the envelopes open and transfer to new ones. cut the address and glue to the new envelopes. had to rearrange the messed-up certs and insert to the envelopes. wrote the applied positions and sealed the envelope. case closed! went to musolla for prayers. ---

6 - out from the building to yayasan melaka to send the envelope. jam because workers wanted to get back to the office. argh!
7 - park my bike in front of magnum :Þ opposite graha maju. hmmm.
8 - walked to yayasan melaka building , two blocks away. argh!
9 - the officer there said it should be sent to kl instead. ARGH!

--- hami called. suh beli wayar aerial. die nak tengok tv kat opis. and courier the envelopes using poslaju. ARGH! ---

10 - went to bukit baru's post office, the nearest one.
11 - i had to write the address 6 times! 3 on the envelopes, another 3 on the 3 poslaju forms and another 3 of hami's add! ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! kalo alamat pendek2 takpe, ni panjang giler. almost cram my fingers as it was nearing 4pm, i had to rush. balik ni memang claim giler-giler la banyak. aku tak kire!
12 - eating time! plan to drop by beside petronas' stall, but it was closed? had to change to a mamak's restaurant. nasib baik mee rebus dia sedap. *kenyang*
13 - balik opis

i don't know why i did those things. tapi puasla aku maki hami baru aku buat. penat oooo.

and streamyx driving me mad. here in tasik utama habis port? bodoh betul. cepatle masukkan port. aku nak kene bayar sewa telefon lagi, chist!

TODAY LAST PRACTICAL DAY, YEAHOOOO! but it won't be my last visit to the office coz torrents' files like csi, gilmore girls, naruto and *ehem* full metal alchemist in french are here and i need to clear them out before the new staffs enrollment. :Þ

Happy 20th Birthday to Zura! dah tua dah akak. hahahaha! and also a belated one to my sister, Anis. She turned a sweet 17 girl yesterday. lupe nak masukkan dalam entry smalam walaupun aku call dia berkali-kali tak angkat. nasib engko le, birthday ko, aku pow duit ko ganti present bestday aku tak dapat-dapat hahaha!

Thursday, May 27, 2004

i don't wanna...

Her bones will ache
Her mouth will shake
And as the passion dies
Her magic heart will break
She needs to heal
She needs to feel
Something more than tender
Everything wrong
Gonna be alright
Come September
Her eyes surrender
her cry a crying shame
Coming undone is she ever gonna
feel the same
She will run
She's gonna drink the sun
Shining just for you
Instead of everyone

Natalie Imbruglia - Come September

2 days ago, after maghrib i was calling idda up, telling her about MUET's stuff. and my cell rang indicating a private number. well, obviously only two people would bother me with their private numbers, either anand likely or, not so likely, joe. i apologized to idda and said i'll call her back later.

turned out my instinct was right. it was joe. he didn't speak to my first few hellos. and,

me : tak nak cakap ke? hello?
him : nervous
me : nak nervous kenapa pulak?
him : nervous la
me : ye la, nervous kenapa, bukannye i nak makan orang pun
him : you asyik cakap hello je, i diam la
me : you should say hello back, duh!
him : well, hello

and the conversation continues. he said he was sorry. he stayed silent all of this while because he was confused. and,

him : kalau you nak marah i, marah la. you ada hak nak marah i. i tak kisah you nak maki i, nak tengking i ke. up to you. and i'm sorry
me : you're long forgiven, joe. malas dah i nak marah. dah puas dah dulu marah, maki you semua. penat

and he roared into laughter hearing my remark. ah well, i've learnt not to keep grudges. though apparently he knew he was wrong but he didn't know what. he's still the same guy of 7 months ago. and my feelings were indescribable when i first heard him ; angry, sad, happy, missing, love, ashamed; everything.

but i wasn't hoping for a get-together. like omar put it into words, i'm just not his type. but i'm happy he called. at least i know, all this while he still had my number like i did for his too.


yesterday was like a in-and-out-of-the-office so many times. went out to enquire if tasik utama had streamyx ports or not at the upper floor's tmnet branch. i used abang yus' house phone but they couldn't track it. possibly i copied the number that sha gave me wrongly. then, out to kedai telekom at kotamas to register the phone line. and that was 11.30am. the sour-faced officer said that if not by the evening or tomorrow that the phone will be installed. and i took evening for around 4 somethings.

i reached office and ieja asked me to pickup nana, my routine if the boss couldn't make it. out to fetch nana. back in the office, boss came to me and asked for a fillet-o-fish? out to mc'd then. and i never bothered to go inside if i wanted to take away coz taman buaya's mc'd had a drive through. yela walaupun sume keta, aku pakai moto je, peduli apa hahaha! bukannya datang nak merompak. and in the middle of ordering through the window, my cell rang and indicated a local number.

the telekom contractor was ready to install the phone and it was only 1pm! rushed back to the office without having my helmet taken off. put the paperbag and off to my house. watched them doing their job and one of them even cared enough to tell me that his son from poli applied here in kutkm. and i was so nice to tell him that he should try to appeal for a placing, hahaha. kutkm's been lenient with appeals as they needed students to stuff the already crowded small place. :P the contractor said that the line would be ready by 3pm. and i paid a hefty 30 bucks for that. hadoi.

balik-balik ofis memang melepek laa. hami asyik komplen aku lembab buat keje, padahal nak angkat jari pun dah tak larat. sebabnya aku puasa lagi. hahaha. malam sebelum tu, last aku makan mi, tu pun separuh je sbab izzul kemain beriya-iya makan skali dengan aku. kesian plak, aku bagi dia makan sama atan. time-time aku ganti puasa ni la, bos kasi staf makan free. tension betul aku. dahle smalam kafe bawah nun menu nasi ayam yang sedap. rugi betul.

and last night, i slept at the other practical girls' house. felt freaky to sleep at my house after i found out the back-door is a plain door without grill plak tu. and there's been cases of break-ins these days. yela walaupun rumah aku tu ada king's bed dengan sebijik phone je, takde bende nak dirompak pun, habis aku ni? aku rasa selagi tak pasang gril, memang le tobat!

p/s: one of the e-perolehan seminar's participant looked very much like kay. (oit kay, miss you lah, beb!). and i watched black sash series starring russel wong last night. his character's daughter, claire looked like errr, haneem? hehehe.

Wednesday, May 26, 2004

emo lagi

I've run from these feelings for so long
Telling my heart I didn't mean it
Pretending that I was better off alone
But I know that it's just a lie
So afraid of taking a chance again
So afraid of what I'd feel inside

But I need to be next to you
I need to share every breath with you
I need to know I can see you smiling each morning
Look into your eyes each night
For the rest of my life

Right here with you is right where I belong
I'd lose my mind if I could see you
Without you there is nothing in this life
That would make life worth living for
I can't bear the thought of you not there
I can't fight what I feel anymore

I need to have your heart next to mine
For all times
Hold you for all my life
I need to be next to you

Leigh Nash - Need to be Next to You

kering perigi duka
larut dibawa kemarau panjang
hilangnya diisi
tuba lara
ibarat pedih luka
dicurah garam kebencian
sembab mataku
menelan ego
memendam rasa
tiada siapa yang tahu.........

Tuesday, May 25, 2004

do you wine? i am so long
and there's nothing in this world
i can do
until you're back here, baby
miss you
want you
need you so
you are the one
and i can't let you go...

bbmak - back here

say, you haven't met this friend of yours for quite some time and one day, you came across him at a petrol station. he smiled at you and waved cheerfully. you stood frozen, and barely breathing. you couldn't help ignoring him coz you didn't want it to be that obvious that you're speechless. and your breathing only came to normal when he's out of sight. and you didn't even say hi. what's going on? jawapannya selepas ini, haha

baru je bukak puasa. dah 2 hari aku berbuka dengan roti sapu mayonis. okla tu, takdela tak buka apa-apa. ape lagi, pose ganti la. aku belum rajin lagi nak wat pose isnin khamis tu, hehe. nak wat camne, kerjaya tak mengizinkan aku bermanja dengan mak aku mintak masak buka best-best. cheh. tinggal 3 hari je lagi. pastu aku nak menceburi bidang lain plak. menjadi penganggur berjaya. :P

tadi, kuar waktu lunch, walaupun aku tak makan, hami suruh belikan panadol. pening kata dia. muka pun semacam je aku tengok. ingat nak gi public jap. nak telefon member aku, bos ada kat ofis, kalo tak, selamat dah phone ofis tu aku gayutkan. so, sampai-sampai dekat public balai polis ayer keroh tu, aku pun dok raba dalam bakul motor aku carik purse. alamak! takde! mampus! aku mati-mati ingat aku dah bawak. patah balik le gamaknya. on the way balik ofis dah chuak gile, mana le tau tercicir pastu orang lain dah amik. woo woo, duit ada bape sen aje, yang penting ic dengan kad bank tu sume. pastu selamattt ada kat ofis, kat sebelah pc aku. fuhh! merasa le buat kerja bodoh, patah balik ofis. cheh. sib baik bukan kat kedai makan. mana mau letak muka, beb?

lepas gi public tu, aku balik umah aku jap. saje jenguk rumah. walaupun takde sape-sape. tetiba aku dapat idea bernas, pasni apa pun jadi, aku kene pakai streamyx. banyak mende aku leh buat. besok lah gi register line phone. tu pun kalo streamyx dah available kat tasik utama yang ketinggalan zaman ni.

anis balik minggu ni. cuti sekolah. ahad gi parit raja. kak liza anak pak bajuri kahwin. adoi, bile la plak turn aku yek? haha.

aku dua tiga menjak ni emosional je manjang. sket-sket rebeh. sket-sket rebeh. ntah le. kalo korang la, orang yang paling korang sayang tak share bende yang paling menggembirakan dia dengan korang tapi share dengan orang yang takde kaitan pun, apa korang rase? lebih-lebih lagi, korang tau bila terjumpa bende yang menggembirakan tu sendiri. pastu celebrate dengan orang yang takde kaitan tu? apa korang rase? aku? ntah le.

last-last aku gi makan mc'd sorang-sorang membawa diri. tapi tak best gak sebab aku tengah sedih pastu makan big mac tu tak rase apa. bosan gile. rugi je dah le beli large. vanilla coke dengan fries tu aku sumbat je telan macam pasir. huhuhuhuhu.

aku balik kampung hari ahad hari tu. jumpa ayait dengan cik wiwa. jumpe jumpe je, cik wiwa trus cakap pipi aku naik. waaaargh! sama cam lysa cakap. makin montel le aku ni. hehe. takpela. takde sape nak bising. mak aku lagi suke aku sihat. kurus sangat dia slalu komplen, hahaha.

i would like to thank a friend. i owe you so much. thanks for being there for me. you know who you are.

p/s : the situation happened when i met khaleel yesterday. i still have a crush on him. *disaster!* he's someone else's bf, huhuhu.

Monday, May 24, 2004

question marks know that i can say
i love you
in any give time or place...
westlife - flying without wings change who i used to be
the reason to start over new
and the reason is
hoobastank - the reason

marah, cemburu
ku telan semuanya
walau sakit
walau pahit
walau perit
kerana hanya air mata
setia tertumpah
peneman kala

Saturday, May 22, 2004

fedora core 2.6

hami already burned my *sobs* precious coloured verbatim cds with fedora. kalo satu tiga posen takpe la. anytime nak sepuluh pun no hal. ni yang aku pow mak aku hari tu siap dengan casing lg ~waaa~. empat empat skali burn. huhu. he downloaded it 2 days ago and said his hdd is already full, so he want to get rid of the files by burning them onto cds. cheh padahal nak install kat server satu lg. anyways, it was good coz i can see the installing process and i already can install fedora on my pc back home :P

guess who did i meet yesterday? my primary days best friend, navin! and of all the places, i met him here in the incubator building. he called my name first, well you know how i am when walking. didn't really look around, too busy thinking to myself. took a moment to register his face. though he didn't change at all!

turned out he was having a fight with the guard. he complained about the rudeness of the guard despite him being a first-timer there. ala, guard sini memang kerek gile. bukan setakat gile aje. nak mampus punye kerek. macam bulding ni die punye je, nak menyombong. even prof ishak the director of the building didn't really menyombong tak tentu pasal. he even demanded that navin apologize to him. bodoh punya orang and this was just because navin wrongly parked his bike behind the building when it should be parked in the allocated place. and the guard yelled to him about that. hmmm, i guess any newcomer wouldn't see the signboard of "motor parking" at the entrance.

any friends of mine especially reunited ones would ask me about boyfriends? huh? am i that big a flirter? and navin didn't believe my answer when i said i'm single. we spent the next few minutes arguing about my status.

him : did you say you didn't have a boyfriend just because you're not married to him?
me : no, i said there's no one to be called a boyfriend. no, i don't have a boyfriend.
him : come on la, you do have a boyfriend right?
me : you're assuming my no for a yes. a no is a no.
him : you can tell me la. your secret is safe with me.
me : ok ok, i'm a big flirter but seriously i'm single at the moment. i don't have a boyfriend now.
him : man, you're 20 and you're single.
me : what's the prob? i'm still young and no point in generating a relationship and get married seven years after that. i want to see the world. (hahahaha)

and the argument only stopped when i accused him that he's changed. and the argument started again, this time about my statement.

him : how do you find me changed?
me : i don't know. kinda feel it (though i was only accusing him of stopping being a flirter. he used to, back in high skool. :p)
him : let's get this straight. we didn't see each other for so long and now you're telling me i'm changed? how?
me : well, maybe in mature ways. we're grown ups now, and well, in a charming way.
him : huh? charming? you know, my mother had been laughing and kutuking till this moment about my attitude. i haven't changed, ain. i'm still the jack of the class.

i do admit that, he's still the joker, he's still talkative, my best friend that i knew since primary and last saw him when he came to my house enquiring about peka kimia in early 2001. and he blamed me for not contacting him.

him : why you didn't contact me all this while? don't say i didn't contact you. your house phone is still blablabla right?
me : (speechless and just nodded)
him : see? i did contact you. you were staying somewhere here right? no wonder.

he had to leave coz his friend already arrived. and he even had the time to complain when i asked for his number.

him : after all we talked, now only you want to ask for my number. oi, do you even remember my name?
me : yes of course! (getting pissed at his remark) hahahaha.
him : hey, keep in touch, ok?

and i was touched. it's the time of reunite for me. after two years going separate ways. i guess, i see who's who in my life. thanks, friend. for making me realize.

Friday, May 21, 2004

double entry, boleh?

...if i could and i would
i'd go wherever you will go...
wherever you will go - the calling

petang-petang camni emo la plak. just wandering around ayer keroh heights, feeding myself fat with curry mee. maarop took my order. i think he's been doing part-time there. well, as long as he didn't mess with me, that's fine. i saw his girlfriend so i guess, i'm safe from his chase hahaha.

and the place was invaded with hungry troops of men, ready to go back to work after friday prayers. and guess what? i'm the only girl there with the exception of makcik and anak makcik and makcik's helper, happily savouring on my lunch as staffs from kutkm passed by. and the sooooo handsome and kerek encik sahran said hi to me? i just smiled at his remark of seeing me in kutkm and then in ayer keroh heights.

me : boringla asyik makan sana aje(my reply of bored to eat at kutkm's mamak restaurant. ala dieorang pun tau bosan hari-hari melantak benda sama, macamla aku tak leh buat. cheh )
him : fuh, memang rempit betul

and i laughed at the rempit part. and they were wearing baju melayu sepasang. oh, as today is friday it was a normal sight.

and somehow, khaleel passed by, being a passenger of yusri's infamous red honda cup. he didn't see me of course as i was busy indulging in my food, though i was facing the road. i saw how small he looked (he IS small!) on that bike behind yusri. truly, he's not the kind of guy i'd fall head over heels with, i mean he's not my type of tall, muscular (though he's square of being a basketball freak). *sighs* that's the problem of being a tall girl nowadays though i'm pretty much average height. but i've known him as what he is first not as how he looked . and he is my type. i tell you, english spoken guys made me weak on the knees. :P enough about him la. these days entries had his name on them. izyan would be jealous. hahaha.

turned out there was a function of the rector's resigning (now parliamentary secretary) at mitc. no wonder all male staffs are wearing baju melayu.

went to my house at tasik utama. my ex passed by with his scoot (too many scoots nowadays. pening) sending faiz i think. the girls and i are going to be neighbours (implement the 40 houses as neighbours) with the guys of our class. we'll be on the same jalan tu.oi, it was not a coincidence as syah wanted to be near with bada. and we booked our house first, mind you.

and my ex passed the house four times. what the heck? i don't fancy seeing him. pissed me that day with a humour message (he thought) but offended me. and his attempts to be friends back. the miss-calls, the messages. hate them all. apa nak buat dengan ex yang tak paham bahasa ni ye?

and i remembered joe while i was browsing through my inbox yang penuh sebab sayang semua mesej. *breathes deeply* he taught me much and i don't hate him. it was short, but worthwhile. joe yang *uhum* "cute" *lmao*

p/s : my mom was feverish. it was the season. and i fit the title bulimic queen after this. it's hard to digest food without getting the urge to throw up. *sobs*