the words are just too much

current Y! status : coz i am your missing rib
thinking of : finals next week

my aunt just got back from japs to settle her passport. and prior to that she's here, my grandma made nasi ambang for the surau. i love the spirit of nasi ambang (big trays of rice topped with fried mee, chicken curry, sayur lodeh, salted fish and serunding) eaten with at least four people coz of its hefty size. but it promotes unity. that's what i loved about it.

my recent trip to the village touched me. how my big family cared about each other. especially now that i'm working, my aunts and uncles were extra worried about how i juggled studying and working. i'm the first in the family to mark the history of studying and working at the same time. well guys, i'm managing fine here. i don't have problems with my time just the people around me. :)

speaking of the latter, i don't know. i'm building a heart of steel, a head of destruction wahahaha! it's just i'm getting to terms with "i am cooler than you thought" though i may bucket tears when everybody's not lookin. *sighs* if destroying my happiness, taking her away from me can make you guys happy, then do it. we're all grown-ups, guys. and this is our final year. our last moments together. do you want to remember this as our memories together? where there's nothing but hate, revenge and pain?

i'm tired. tired of this not nice feeling. i may have done something that i may not notice hurting, but is this the right way to make me realize what i did wrong? that all the blame is on me? the questions never end. don't teach me things you might regret later.

as for now, i thank these two very nice girls. thank you for keeping the secret, tight. and thank you for believing in me.

keys-off now. the thought of waking up alone just send shivers up to my spine.