Wednesday, October 27, 2004

there she goes

current Y! status : left of a foolish fooled fool
thinking of : the guy who gave me Homecoming

aN left melaka already coz her industrial training will begin on the 1st of october. i will remember her coz no friends of mine ever affected me this way. those sleepovers, those shoulder cries, those late night trips to subaidah, the way she smells, her car. everything.

i love her very much. and i'm sorry she had to go leaving me here with another painful semester to go. the last day was spent with accompanying her to collect her car's road tax, she was driving and i like that coz it has been me driving all this while. we went to pantai kundur with her bf and the rest of the girls the night before. it was fun seeing the moon and playing with the waters.

the night she left when she sent me home, we stared long at each other when i gave in, crying and hugging her hard. she wiped away my tears and said she'll miss me too and ask me to call her up when i am down.

i will miss Nurul Hananie Mazlan. we can no more do the things we did.

i'm off to kl in a few minutes.

Sunday, October 24, 2004

bored to...

current Y! status : adDicted to: aRes
thinking of : how to kill time?

i'm on downloading frenzy! using my new addiction areslite here. thanx to arni from her rants of downloading from there. downloads have never been a breeze. i tell you with this connection, mp3s are a matter of minutes, if not seconds. but it can never beat torrents. coz this ares is just like kazaa in a lighter version and it won't bug you with annoying ads.

i've just finished redecorating and rearranging my room. thanks to my private interior designer. the room looks very comfy and sweet and DAMN! it's SPACIOUS! hahaha. and it is all MINE! man, they taught me of being selfish. and i am now.

i'm bored of how to kill time. mom isn't at home and i can't go back coz there'll be MUET speaking test on monday. the previous days i was worried of not having enough time to study. and right now i am complaining of having too much time. humans just aren't satisfied with what they had.

she isn't back yet. getting worried coz she said her bf should be gone after buka, and she's usually out with him and there's no sign of her. *sighs* the love is still there, even through the day she walked out from my life (err, i mean this room).

my mouth feels weird. due to excessive sugar intake just now. i need something spicy to help me ease this queasiness.

if time and situation permits, i'll be in kl this week. shopping!


read someone's blog today. and i feel what she/he felt though not in the same way.

for that particular someone,

i want to see you
through your times of pain and joy
coz you did see mine through
each and every one
i thought i deserve that small space
called your heart
i swear i did see that soft flicker of your gaze
of me
and it's not wrong to give away
for something that's worth both pain
and pleasure

just give me the chance
to love you
as well as i can

chatted with my sis, anis on the phone after she sms-ed me of her nervousness of her upcoming SPM. she complained of not having enough time to raya coz her xm will continue shortly after raya. oh well sis, padan muka! sapa suruh duduk jauh2? man i'm mean! and btw, i'll be working on raya. triple pay, my dears! now i'm waiting for subuh. though my eyes are barely open as i type this.

good day.

/added at 4:44am/

Friday, October 22, 2004

back, back back!

current Y! status : breathing easy
thinking of : how to arrange this room?

just got back from the last paper in this semester. statistics that was and i hate to say i didn't do a great job on it. *sighs* anyways, i'm free and was thinking of what to do during this puasa time.

my streamyx was doomed recently and this explained my poofness from cyberspace apart from the recent finals.

about my thoughts, i am officially having this room to myself. it is now very spacious coz i don't have that many stuffs and it is quite large for one person but just comfy enough for two. and by the way, i'm liking the idea very much coz it gave me the privacy even my parent's home lacks of.

i'm sporting a bob. cropped by mom. during the process, i almost cried, coz my fondness of my mane cost me my room mate.

speaking of her, yea, she rudely transferred her belongings to the next room and MINE to this room. topping all of that, behind my back. right, she and the other two fucked up girls. i don't lose anything in fact i've got the second largest room to myself. i used to get over that fact and getting used to this room called mine, and mine only. i'm not that mad at her as i am with the other two. won't they stop making that kind of face (kalo lawa takpe, hmm) like i'm the one asking for all these things to happen.

i was so mad at them days ago. i swore and cursed so that her bike would get punctured and she would have to ride with me. and God's bless, the next afternoon, my bike was the one to be punctured and shamefully, i had to ride with her. LOL. it was HIS warning of not asking for bad things to happen to other people even when they did wrong to you and this fasting month should be full of religious activities not full of cursing and hatred.

and this one gentleman was very kind to help me and these girls replace the punctured tyre when all we could do was push the bike to the nearest workshop about 2 kilometres away. and i didn't even bother to ask his name. shame on me.

my buka these days : nasi kerabu and enam-singgit apom sengih. zura kept complaining about my lack of variety for buka. i'm happy eating that food, i'll change when i get bored, but i doubt that coz it's full of veggies i love. besides, this is the only time of year i'd get my supply of blue-coloured, full of stuffs nasi kerabu.

now, who'd want to help me with redecorating my room?

Saturday, October 09, 2004

giggly and silent

current Y! status : i love what you did to me when we were out watching the stars above, i love what you did to me when we were out in the sun. mahal kita!
thinking of : what's with my sappy Y! status?

i'm breathing control, i'm eating control, i'm sleeping control, everything is control principle to me. and now i'm turning mcD into control. hahaha.

this house is doomed. when i'm out with these two, the other 3 stays. when we were back, they got out. it happened. *sighs* do what you wanna do. this burns my spirit to study hardest. :D

demam, demam!

current Y! status : please don't do that, you're hurting me.
thinking of : why did i sleep alone last night? and the nights before, too?

i've been studying to death these days. wargh! tebiat ke aku ni, paper hari rabu, seminggu awal dah study? well, the fact that i slept during the lectures and my flunking course marks which covered 60% of the overall grades, i couldn't risk my already sikit cgpa. :P

an is not here. much to my dismay. she went back to temerloh. oi pompuan, balik cepat sikit! i missed her pitchy voice, the way she turned my world upside down with her silly jokes to cheer me up. ngeh ngeh. i missed you, woman!

i'm being gedik lately. and made the fool out of me when zura kept teasing me of my so gedik antics. *breathes deeply* my world since an went back was books, notes, zura and bada. and this comfy room which was now so cold. it used to be so warm, where i seek comfort and ease. it changed since she deserted me.

Wednesday, October 06, 2004

the words are just too much

current Y! status : coz i am your missing rib
thinking of : finals next week

my aunt just got back from japs to settle her passport. and prior to that she's here, my grandma made nasi ambang for the surau. i love the spirit of nasi ambang (big trays of rice topped with fried mee, chicken curry, sayur lodeh, salted fish and serunding) eaten with at least four people coz of its hefty size. but it promotes unity. that's what i loved about it.

my recent trip to the village touched me. how my big family cared about each other. especially now that i'm working, my aunts and uncles were extra worried about how i juggled studying and working. i'm the first in the family to mark the history of studying and working at the same time. well guys, i'm managing fine here. i don't have problems with my time just the people around me. :)

speaking of the latter, i don't know. i'm building a heart of steel, a head of destruction wahahaha! it's just i'm getting to terms with "i am cooler than you thought" though i may bucket tears when everybody's not lookin. *sighs* if destroying my happiness, taking her away from me can make you guys happy, then do it. we're all grown-ups, guys. and this is our final year. our last moments together. do you want to remember this as our memories together? where there's nothing but hate, revenge and pain?

i'm tired. tired of this not nice feeling. i may have done something that i may not notice hurting, but is this the right way to make me realize what i did wrong? that all the blame is on me? the questions never end. don't teach me things you might regret later.

as for now, i thank these two very nice girls. thank you for keeping the secret, tight. and thank you for believing in me.

keys-off now. the thought of waking up alone just send shivers up to my spine.