Friday, April 30, 2004

dizzy. burnt. help.

7 songs in my head these days

janet jackson - just a lil while
jamelia - superstar
blink 182 - i miss you
jason mraz - you and i both
3 doors down - here without you
3 days grace - i hate everything about you
britney spears - toxic

i felt numb. drive kereta macam orang gila malam tadi. 140km/j. overtake that car, this car and even if did accident, i won't feel anything. coz i puked. yupe v.o.m.i.t. i puked everything that i ate at boss' house. been forced to puke but as i ate nothing the night before and my severe coughing worsens my condition. lucky i managed to drag myself out of the car, if not mom would surely bising. and tengah sedap-sedap muntah mom called asking where the hell am i. dengan mata berair, hingus meleleh(man, i was very weak), i said i was fine and i shut the phone off as another excessive urge came upon me. dekat tengah-tengah jalan inkubator tu aku muntah hahaha.

the night before, another unidentified number miss-called me 2 times. i tracked back the number and the person answered it was very familiar. turned out, it was ASRUL! he said he lost my number??? and he'd been mengembara somewhere to find my number. and he won't tell me about the informer. hey, come on la, i gave the number first hand to him, afdzal, adrian, james, mat and syah other than my close girls on confidential guarantee. turned out every guy in my class had my number! and that explains the unidentified numbers on my phone with Mangkuk in front hahaha. i've been pissed off with him since last year and been avoiding him till the miss-calls God knows why, but i am happy he remembered me. he should be, afterall hmmm...

awei called me just now just to ask what helmet did kak an wear? yes, the half and sophisticated WHITE arc helmet with visors! damn! i want that helmet to pair with *sobs* my so-buruk ex5 bike lol!

talked to fez about goin to kl this week. he paksa me into seeing him on saturday. and i agreed coz he'd been reading my mind on a treat to pizza! that guy was psychic! and i hope he won't earn the deserved slap from me. i hope i can contain myself. behave, ain, behave!

apai had been acting weirdly these days. he also talked me into buying that half arc helmet. consider done he said? aaa? just buy it when i asked him the reasons of buying that damn pretty helmet. he even volunteered to buy it if i gave him the money. tunggu ptptn la oi, mana nak korek 100 tu?

anis is coming home tomorrow morning, yeay! but i'm gonna leave for kl tomorrow at 10, hahaha.

Wednesday, April 28, 2004

doing the same stupid stuffs.. again.

pretti much tired. clicking on the same kontraktor thang since yesterday coz hami lost it from the database. never mind. kept me busy then.

and today had been nothing but typing stuffs. from morning till the wavering moments of 5pm. this morning letter of whatnots. then continuing with the data entry. after that some jaim stuffs. i can barely hold my fingers from clicking now *lol*

and hami had been complaining that i type with 3 fingers despite chat sessions and blogs that should gave me some typing good skills. hadoiii...

i've been driving today and yesterday. my bike pancit out of nowhere. lucky tak pancit while i was in the dark roads. so, i drove mom's car. listened to j.lo and rudy on the topic today was the signs of being old. one caller, governator that is, when asked by the dj's, said that there was no point in telling that someone is old... or not. there was no such thing as being old he said, unless you were dead. dead is the only point to tell that you're old. i had a good laugh on that. refresh my morning.

as for me, everyone is old. everyone had 'old' behind their respective age isn't it? writing about this made me feel old already hehe. when some of my friend is already tu-en-ty, i'm still in my teen-age years for at least another 7 months haha. another 7 months to be age-ty. and bye bye to teen-age.

happy belated birthday to shakira! sorry, luperla. bluwerk! dah 20 dahhh!!

Monday, April 26, 2004

the journey... tired :p

What is Your Heart REALLY Made of?
brought to you by Quizilla

went to batu pahat yesterday. my father had to go for a course in kl so mom had to postpone the should be morning journey to late afternoon. i drove all the way to bp, passing muar along the way. met ali at muar town. i wonder if he told gran about meeting us. didn't have the chance to dropby, too late already.

in bp, solat and i watched loretta claiborne's story on tv3 at dahlia's rented house. touching really. then out to parit raja to buy kerepek. mmmm, kerepek haven there. dila even free-tasting each and every available kerepek. ooohh and not forgetting the conventional coconut candy. i missed the times when moksu used to make loads of them during raya. never mind, this weekend i'll ask her.

and begin the journey to experience beriyani rice. as it was getting late, our usual hangout, in front of pelican hotel was closed. the one hami recommended too - mohd shah's in front of southern, was closed. mom then raced down bp to the bp's hospital and luck was very much on my side. bariani power outlet was open.

mom said that this outlet was portrayed several times on local mags. the decos were very nice and comfy. lightings were dim, like some classy cafes. bother i didn't have any cam then.

then to the food. the rice was dry and not nice. maybe ours were the kerak ones as it was 10pm. i ordered mutton beriyani and the meat was hmmmm, maybe too much spices. but it was delicious even though the rice didn't do it justice. but the dalca was waaayyy perfect! and the iced lemon tea too! made me thought of one utama arena's food court iced lemon tea. schooooshhh cool.

the pricing was ok, paid-up with all the niceness of the place. the one we liked to hangout was a road-side stall, with plastic chairs and dirt hehe.

mom even said that if this dalca was swapped with one in front of pelican hotel, it will be perfect!

well, bp is very much famous with its beriyani rice. it is a must for outsiders. especially me! and mind you, the best way to eat beriyani is with mutton! and i liked sweet beriyani. that's the way beriyani is! :)

home at 11.30pm. and i sneaked out with atan to drive abah's car. swoooshing around to rim around apai's house :p i slept in the sofa... too tired and so....cold.

Saturday, April 24, 2004


You are a Queen!
Beautiful, Wise, Strong
Righteous, Commanding, Humble

You are the beautiful and compassionate Queen. You are the epitomy of what every woman should be. You are confident, bold, aggressive, smart, womanly and feminine. You know the right thing to do and do it. You command respect and earn praise. You are moral and loving. In times of trouble, you draw strength from within, and are a source of strength for others.

Which Royalty Are You? Find out! By Nishi.

Friday, April 23, 2004

obsessed and morning sickness

i skipped work 2 days straight. today and yesterday. coz i've got this morning sickness. no, i'm not pregnant. i'm weak and feverish in the morning, ONLY! and this is why i was really really pissed off with a particular doctor.

i asked for an MC at 10pm and she won't grant it because i looked terribly happy and my temperature was ok. first i was irritated because she questioned my rights to the free treatment coz the clinic was my father's panel. second, she said people didn't ask for MC at 10 or 11 at night. shit! third, she suspected i was lying coz she checked me like nothing. again shit. she couldn't give me and MC just a stupid paper of time-off. and after a heated argument with that so-pandai doctor, i finally said, ok doctor, i know you have your policies. just gimme my medicine and THANK YOU very much! and i stormed off the room. cynical doctor.

who did she think she is? like i'm begging her to treat me. hello? my father paid for them. and i hated being at someone mercy. i hate people who made me cry.

this started after khaleel's confession. and i've been such a crybaby after that. tengok itu, rebeh, tengok ni, sayu, tengok sana, meleleh. hadoiii!

this afternoon i went to see another doctor AT another clinic. my, she was very friendly and i felt really at home. she checked me to the details and she even asked me to drink lotsa water coz my blood pressure was 90/60? haha doctors help me define that! this is the doctor that i want. and i got an MC *waves paper!*

called dayah up last night. turned out she's been trying to reach me all this time. poor babe. have to get back at her as the goblet of fire is with her. and najwa's been working at a bread bakery. hehe. muke roti dah ko najwa haha!
hajar's been volunterring for the pkn since one and a half month ago. guts she had, and the money was good too i think. better than my practical stuff huhuh!

what are you thinking now? kyle

what do you want in life? you mean now? kyle

what is your wish(es)? to be with kyle

if you could buy anything, what would it be? kyle

one people you'd want to meet? it's kyle, duh!

where do you wish you are now? anywhere, with kyle

are you satisfied with what you are? i am happy with what i am now but i need kyle to perfect the picture

condolences to rawandy and firdaus a.k.a tokan on the losses of their respective fathers. al-fatihah.

Wednesday, April 21, 2004

messed up mess.

i have runny nose and sore throat these days. but other than that, i'm happy.

joe called me up yesterday. yupe, 'that' particular joe, my so-ex. *gasps* no, no, he didn't go "i'm sorry baby, let's start this all over again". even all of these months, i still have his handphone and his office's numbers. and yesterday, his office's came up on my phone. no, my heart didn't skipped a beat. i felt.. weird. so i picked up the phone, said hello for 3 times and i knew somebody was listening at the end of the line but refused to talk. the line went dead after 10 seconds coz he hung up. and yes, i'm positive it was joe. well, i don't have any grudge against him, why bother.

coz that call made me smile all day. enough to brighten my day. that i know he still cared even after these 4 months of break up. i'm off now. i have headaches and i wanna see nadia! yeay!


just got back from nadia's. had a helluva time finishing her grapes and laughing over the fact we didn't meet each other for 2 years and we're barely 10 minutes apart hahaha! she's still her own self and thinner. not chubby as she used to be..

well, we watched the whole new pepsi ad video of beyonce, brit, and pink oh and enrique too.. beyonce is drop dead hot! and she also showed me the controversial video of justin's rock your body's performance featuring janet jackson on superbowl hahaha! very the revealing. i borrowed malay mp3 cd from her. i need cendel cendol cendol cendol. not the one in my nose, huhuhuh.

i called khaleel and we talked for 10++ minutes. just prying on a fren, no more.

and that day when i tried the webcam in the office, lysa, apai and omar had the chance to view me. and lysa said although i'm thin, my cheeks look very much chubby like hers, demm you lysa. hahaha! mom, i want that webcam huhuhu. and i need money to install streamyx to take advantage of that 512k package with free modem.. alahhhh..

check out jo's aku budak setan. pervertly hilarious! and NOT suitable for pervert haters and minda-minda yang suci murni keh keh keh.

Monday, April 19, 2004

weirding weirdly

Awww Shucks Hear, See, Speak No Evil

i felt numb. i am sick. i don't feel anything.

i was high in the air. i don't touch the ground. i wasted half of the petrol i was supposed to fill in my bike's tank on the floor. i am having a fever.

i dreamt of somebody i haven't thought of dreaming. very2 weird coz... i don't know how to explain though i've developed serious feel towards him nowadays.

eine, your subconscious mind is driven most by Curiosity

You are full of questions about life, people, and your own potential. You spend more time than others imagining the possibilities for your life — and you're open to things others are too afraid to consider.

You have an almost physical need to know and do more. It's only through new experiences that you feel a greater understanding of yourself and the world. You also have a rebellious streak that shows up when you feel unable to truly influence the world or circumstances around you. Your appetite for novel experiences also shows an openness others don't have, but wish they did.

Your psyche is very rich; the more you learn about it, the more you will understand who you really are.

eine, the best Zodiac Match for your personality is Scorpio

Scorpio, the Scorpion (October 24 to November 22): This powerful and passionate partner is just your type. Initially, a Scorpio may catch your eye with their confidence and determination. But as you get to know them, you're even more likely to be drawn to the firmness of your Scorpio's convictions and the strength of their desires. People born under this sign often have magnetic personalities. They're also usually able to communicate with a great intensity of emotion. Be aware, because of Scorpios' strong, passionate natures, they sometimes have a tendency to become jealous or critical. However, a Scorpio's love can also be exceptional in its depth and potency. In the bedroom, you'll likely find the Scorpion to have a high libido that keeps them sexually charged. In general, Scorpios are people who feel deeply and react strongly to their emotional perception of the world around them.

argh!! the one i dreamt about, is a scorpio. i don't really believe in this kind of thing, but we seemed to get closer these days. i hate that. coz he's a pretty good runner, running when i started chasing. he hated commitments, i mean i don't mind either but i preferred here when i want them and gone when i don't want them. space is all i need and him too.

Trained Professional

The stage. The big screen. The boardroom. Wherever your sights are set, you're ready for the spotlight. Confident and talented, you wouldn't think of going for the big time without doing the proper prep work first. And it shows in your polished performance and dedicated attitude — all of which makes competitors respect you and fans want to be you.

You're an enthusiastic competitor who doesn't mind putting in the extra hours to sharpen your skills. You probably learned that there's no substitute for hard work whether you're trying out for a team, a band, a job, or American Idol. So keep on practicing. It's sure to take you to the top in no time!

bleh bleh. the quizzes that i answered while i was down of exhaustion and sleepiness. the subconcious mind quiz was the most depressing of all, explaining weird shapes of inkblots.

Sunday, April 18, 2004

food and food and food

Rainy ........ Goofy

i woke up with a stuffy nose full of mucus, yeech! i don't feel well and my throat sores. *clears throat*

ali had the fibre white arc helmet! damn, i was jealous coz it costs him 170 bucks! i tried the helmet a few times and was labelled, retired astronaut, coz i wore it in the house. very smug and fits my head but ruins my tudung haha! i was awed by the craftsmanship that the visor covers all of your face and that the color is pearl white. and that the strap that's supposed to hold your head in place is a tie one not a clasp. i don't think i'd buy that helmet, coz my so-buruk bike is not flashy enough to boot. white white arc helmet *drools*

i went out with mom and muksu to buy nabilah's cake (she turned 1 on the 12th!) and mom wanted some tapioca. i missed the tapiocas too, since it was hard to find tapiocas sold anywhere, now. mom recommend another malay cake house as zida's is closed on sundays. it rained heavily when we reached there. but the cake house - norlina's, is a bake-on-book. the earliest time that the cake is ready will be at 7 pm which leaves us running for baker's cottage at astaka.

we settled on american chocolate. as muksu instructed the salesgirl on the 'happy belated birthday, aisyah nabilah', i browsed around the bakery. my, so many mouth-watering bread of all sorts. they surely had improved their bread varieties. i wish i had a cam with me. hehe.

and today is pokde's birthday. that leaves two cakes on the table. i've never eaten so much food. there was pulut kuning and chicken curry, fried beehoon, sandwiches, kerabu mangga.. eh, i saw the table loaded with food but... ah well, maybe it was the quantity of food and all i did was eat, eat and eat. and there was boiled tapioca too with fried ikan masin. oh my...

mak long + pak long and kak ina made their presence soon after. they'd been sending khalil to hostel , muar's vo.k. zaidi went part-time at blue-wave, jb and kak azie went to malacca, school's trip. that explains their absence. kak ina asked of when i'll be coming to jb? i was like "hey, you know the reasons i'll be down there soon, of the many reasons" hahaha!

went back to jasin at 9pm. tried to sleep along the way, but having headaches and thoughts. i mumbled 'i am not going to fall sick' over and over again till i fell asleep though my temps were high.

Saturday, April 17, 2004

memories, memories down memory lane

smiley for today

i went back to kampung in muar today. stopped by at pagoh bus-stand bentayan's food stalls to have my yearly dose of nasi goreng kampung and air jagung. the memories of 8-10 years ago, where all of us would drop by every week at the same spot having dinner. and guess what, after 10 years, the heavenly taste is still the same and even the price. 2 bucks for the former and 1.20 bucks for the latter. that is cheap after 10 years man. i was shocked and felt at peace that something i'm fond of haven't changed. we stopped going there when mom had to work on saturdays thus not allowing us to go back to kampung every week.

the sweetness of sweet corn and the creamy milk mixed well with the ice mmmm. and the rice is full of ikan bilis, the way i liked it. mildly spicy.

my first visit in 5-6 years. that was really a long period of time. and muar's bus stand hasn't really changed at all except the way the buses are parked and the stalls placing. the traffic's quite busy even though it was already 10 at night. comparing to jasin, there will be only few vehicles in the town.

mom didn't plan on going back but muksu called and asked us to. said there's gonna be a celebration something, i dunno. we reached gran's house at 10 something. ayait + cik wiwa and their daughters, mayah and aiyeen. muksu + cik azam with their daughter, nabilah. both of the families alighted from kl. and of course, pokde and mokde with my cousins, ali, ijan, icam, azie and mamat.

i was so tired of driving and work i slept like a log right after.

for the love of...

today's smileys

today kerja. we're the only office with all of the staffs working. heheh, not really working. just chats and blogs for me. the boss showed up early morning and has been gone since.

i don't feel really well coz a bad sore-throat, headaches and stomach cramps. i don't have any idea why. and i couldn't feel a thing. blur. and so numb.

i called a friend last night. he started on the issue that i hated coz we've been talking about this last time and it ended with his infamous "suka hati lah, ain!". this time, he brought the issue up of hitting the line with one of our friends. that this guy looked so cute, so jambu and if he's a girl, he'd fall head over heels. ok la, i admit i used to have the wiggly-feeling of crush a looooong time ago for that guy but it's over. and we've promised each other that we're mere friends whatever our friends said of our closeness.

and then his idea was that i am perfectly matched with this guy, both are bespectacled and our names even rhymed together. oh, that was so lame. let me tell you this clearly, i AM not interested. he had his one year chance after his break up with his girl and he didn't do anything. i looked forward to seeing him, spending time with him but we shared just that, nothing else. we bonded together as friends and i'm happy that we're able to look out for each other.

the fact that i still have this love? for that friend hahaha. i guess he wouldn't be able to change that unless he wanted to pair me up with rob *lol*. i've learnt that when you can't have what you love, the love itself made me satisfied even to love from afar. so, stop being the match-maker for me. just let me be with this feeling okay, even if i can't be with you. (wahahaha, that sounded so gay! yeech!). i know that he felt guilty about it some time that he wouldn't be able to return what i've felt for him, but i wasn't hoping for this. i love when i want to and when my heart says it want to. but right now even if it's not full, the heart doesn't even skipped a beat when this supposedly guy's name is mentioned. no chemistry, no nothing. enough about that.

ah, this reminds me of joe. four months of being single, well this last relationship didn't sound like any 'normal' ones anyway. i think i managed fine now, without a boy-friend, so why spend the headache when i don't have any particular purpose for that? it stirs when i'm alone but as long as i'm occupied, i don't have time for this.

i'm off. got a gen-2 to test-drive yeay!

Friday, April 16, 2004

the artakusiad saga

I am 23% evil.


I try to stay away from evil deeds but succumb to temptation every once in a while. I'm not quite on my way to hell but I certainly have some explaining to do.

Are you evil? find out at

i stumbled across while i was surfing around for nilofar. i can't believe that the artakusiad saga had so many fans. i missed the books. i missed artakus the aurorian hero. and to think that my lecturer mr nurulfajar also had this artakus aurora sticker on his honda vtec. i guess he's an avid fan too. but the books are very rare to find now. i'm going to collect the saga. a lot cheaper than the colection of hp haha!

for those who didn't know, artakusiad saga is the malay version of lord of the rings. the ongoing centuries of war. the journey of artakus and his sword, namely arkus (image above) in the fight to free his fellow aurorians from morrok (of course the baddies). it contained 6 books and the upcoming 7th book. check them out coz it's worth reading by ahmad patria abdullah, son of former sasterawan negara dato' abdullah hussin.

added ilhamhanna and her books also ibnuanwar. check 'em out.

and hami got nothin to complain about me today that he brought up the subject of aurat, and i should've wear stockings. duh! as my maroon-red punjabi suit is well-matched with my tudung rosalinda. hahaha.

(C) 2003

Thursday, April 15, 2004

so historical malacca

Star 9 my herooooo! Lord Of The Rings Aragorn

today is the first anniversary of historical malacca city (previously known as malacca, the historical city) due to the upgrading of last year. and today CUTI!!!!!!!!!!

i went out with my sis, dila and izzul to mahkota parade at 4 something. wanted to pickup my 2 weeks overdue lab-jacket. i sent the jacket to get my name embroidered. and i paid a hefty 8 bucks for EINE and it's only 1cm tall. well, i g-5et a wacky font for that. good! that's the way i wanted it to be. *grin* coz my friends all sent theirs to the one who did the jacket. and typical. haha!

in conjunction with the celebration, there's this 7th pesta gendang nusantara held at mahkota parade's pavillion. i managed to catch the performance of all sorts of gendangs such as rebana, cak lempong, gamelan, gendang ibu etc etc. there's even dancers too.
and during this one dance, while they were performing one of the girls accidentally got her button left open thus exposing her upper chest. it really was a sight for the guys. and the girl couldn't help it but i could tell she was really embarassed by the excessive grin on her face. dancers are supposed to smile all the time, right? she kept right on dancing with that kind of grin. pitied her, though, lucky the guys. :P the dancers are from the silver pandemonium (sounds like it haha!) of medan, indonesia. very graceful dancers. i'd never be as graceful as them *lol*

and after that, the host whom is a guy from indonesia belted out a song about malacca of course. he's uhum.. gorgeous! and his voice is definitely a kill-off! but not the kind i'd go and ask for autograph or phone-numbers, sorry! hehe.

i left the pavillion and went to mph, wanted to find my bi-monthly feed of magazine. nothing informative anyway, utopia. searched for cleo coz they've got this promotion on channel 9 of 50 most eligible bachelor, but found none. nvm, i'll find it in my local mamak store.

i met this very cute guy and again he's short too, boohoo. why was he that eye-catching? coz he's clad in a white long-sleeved shirt and a black slacks. that's definitely one of my reasons to stare hahaha! smart you see.

i bought a tee coz the color of the tee made me thought of someone. black and white again hehe! and right then, mom called suruh balik coz it was already maghrib.

izzul fell asleep right after we settled in the car and i gave him his pacifier. penat sangat agaknya tawaf satu mahkota hehe. i took the ayer leleh route when i should've gone through bukit godek, well both of the routes will reach the same point at bukit katil but the latter had less traffic lights and traffic too.

after pantai medic centre's traffic light there's this white satria in front of my car and in front of that satria, a 4wd in a two-lane road. all of us overtook a kancil but the 4wd was so slow that i was right beside the kancil. what pissed me was the satria had ample space to overtake the 4wd but he didn't. i couldn't overtake the satria because the kancil was blocking my way. i sped up and finally had the space that i wanted. i almost screamed in anger when the satria decided to overtake the 4wd at the same time. shit! lucky i managed to slow down.

we both stopped at the same point at medan muzaffar's traffic. the driver was trying to race me with his attempt of fronting his satria. as i was still angry with that idiot, i secretly agreed. the traffic had a counter (macam f1 pulak). Finally, i outlast that moron far behind with my mom's fifteen-year-old sentra! serves him right. buruk-buruk pun setakat nak pergi taiping jumpa anis, no problem. the engine is still superb of the test-drive car that my mom had. :P

right now izzul is copying the dancer's antics and showing them to my mom. hahaha.

Wednesday, April 14, 2004

my tudung is definitely my business.

hami complained about the tudung and the baju kurung color that didn't match. he bugged me with the same complaint from morning till now. i admit the color was against the fashion code and the horror of any fashion designer, but who cares?

bright green with dark blue. it was too late to find a matching tudung, alone ironing it. grabbed this one (hey i used to don this combination lotsa times in colege. nobody complained. maybe they didn't even bother, haha. )

he complained about my so-mummy wrap of tudung and now i managed the tudung fine, it was the color. whatever lah. as long as i don't bother u and ur comments didn't hurt that much.

savour your ice-cream. before it melts.

today's smileys

i am thinking about a Stroller and i'm the one far right Cubicles

i was hanging out late last nite after a dose of Ray Romano and his family and got bleary-eyed during max bickford's education. these weeks, the drama series had been focusing on the stormy relationship of max and the senior mr bickford.

and max's father had been diagnosed with prostate cancer. he's 84 and he lived alone in NY. and they couldn't agree on any single matter. they'd fight everytime they didn't agree on any subject. i think it was very touching when max fights with his father and he found out about the cancer. very uhm, yeah uhm very *weeps* taken *sobs*...

the senior bickford made me remember of my granpa.he's about the same age and he's very old and he stayed home all day coz he's not strong as he used to be. he had alzheimer and didn't recognize his own children, least likely us, his grandchildren. i guess his long-lived age came from his habit of drinking tea all the time. hot tea please. and i think i found sources that tea is the secret to stay young. awet muda they say. and my grandpa don't have any serious sickness, just pains of an old age. may God bless him.

and andrea couldn't take it that her mom was staying with her coz her mom no longer cann't afford her NY apartment. her mom was an always travelling broadway actress. and she sent andrea to guam to be with her father. andrea thought ill of her. and her mom claimed that she remembered andrea all the time that she wanted andrea to be by her side everytime. and her mom finally gave in that she had this small drawing that andrea drew for her in her purse and she's been carrying it all the time.

she decided to move out coz andrea can't stand her. and andrea's final words to her mom, "even if you remember me all the time in broadway, i was never there, i don't belong there and whatever you did, it was never the same with living together." mom's care did take its toll on her. her mom was never there when she needed her the most.

i wondered if i'm gonna be a pest during my old age to my children. God forbid! and i pray that i will not ill-treat my parents. God give me strength to go on with this life, shed me Your light while i'm in the dark and let me live to please and serve my parents when they're old.

i guess what i learnt was, treasure the people around you, coz they might be gone when it's already too late to say you care and love them.

condolences to nur alysha syayana for the loss of her beloved sister. and to khairunnisa for the depart of her loving father. al-fatihah and innalillahi.

Tuesday, April 13, 2004

my sore, sore fingers

today's smileys
i'm feeling like Fat Woman 5 and this morning Alarm Clock 3

yesterday i was the photostat girl. my office's neighbour office was participating in a tender and had to have loads of papers copied. and i was the victim copying papers and papers and papers of all sizes again of about 300++. now i'm damn good at copying papers i can even open my own xeroxing shop! lucky the guy who's been coming over and over again to hand the papers was cute. he looked like kadok, serious! with that eyes and the same smile. i wonder what bike did he ride. the down side, he's short haha!

i met him about 2 months ago in my favorite place to hangout - this particular makcik stall at ayer keroh heights beside petronas having my favorite bowl of curry mee and sardine puffs. i was eyeing him and zura agreed that this guy was definitely eye-catching. and who'd know this guy is a student of kym having his practical on the same floor as mine? you are such an eye candy, guy!

today i'm the typist! i had to key-in contractor's code into the database. it looked simple and would finish fast but really i was wrong. i was that sleepy to stare and stare at the pc, lucky i was workin on a linux-based. that data was tiring, i almost fell over the pc of exhaustion.

so, to avoid me from falling asleep, i typed the long overdue testimonials for my fellow friends. and azwan rejected the one i typed for him? aiyohhh. my poor nails.. i'm going to go for a manicure next, my nails deserved them and they were crying in agony. duh! like i'd care to waste my money on manicures stuffs. i'd love to, but not now.

i asked nadia about one of the hot girls in uniten. turned out she's THAT hot with almost every guy of every race racing for her heart which somehow already belonged to her longtime boyfriend in us. well, her ways of announcing that her guy is hers was annoyingly superior. hello, your guy was that extremely handsome and what do you expect the other girls to do? remember there's this sentence of the best girl wins. but as long as both of you are loyal, you will see each other by the end of the long period.

actually i bumped into this guy's friendster and oh my! he was that damn gorgeous. i looked for the connections and found a name so familiar. turned out he's the boyfriend of that hot girl. and guess what? he didn't look that gorgeous anymore. hahaha. told you i'm very much into goatees :P

i am into jason mraz nowadays. and rob is my first choice. i miss rob *sobs* like he'd ever existed in my life hahaha! i need to buy roti. and i am hungry. thinking of farrah....................... and of course kyle. kyle. kyle. and kyle.

mean zuhri busuk!

Saturday, April 10, 2004

tipah tertipu, sangat marah dan sakit hati

smiley for today
Sobbing Yes Man

Fail Data
nama : izzul @ adik @ ijul
nama mak : cikgu midah
nama mama : kak dahlia
nama ibu : kak anis
nama long : eine
nama kakak lain : la (dila)

my bro's names for all the females in the house. i'm the one left without a motherly name haha. for those who didn't know about izzul, he's my little 2-year-old baby brother. he has the most kissable cheek and he's turning into a spoilt brat now. can't help it, i guess. he had a strong left-leg kick, ouch! he's a left-hander. he adores balls and his gum is not straight. favourite pastime, eating (just like his big sis). special feature : curled eyelashes and fluffy cheeks yum!

i think today was one of the down days for me. the day started okay, i went for breakfast with mom and went to work slightly late. and the pain began. khalid cynically said that i wasn't helping the other trainees with the pamphlet thingy. ok, my fault but it was for good. five people hovering over one laptop for one simple pamphlet? give me a break. they could manage it fine without me. i wanted to help them with the pocket file later. duh! my mood spoilt a bit.

hami was complaining about him being hungry. and i replied that he should take my bike keys and find something to eat in my tone of mocking. my usual tone. i think he accepted that fine.

he had this habit of interrupting me surfing the net with his inter network messages. so this morning, i buzzed him with ym with the same intention. and what did i get? a fuck-off yell and angry mutterings of him busy doing stuffs. i was stunned and i was blurred for a moment.

when i finally got grip of myself, i went out to the toilet and spent 10 minutes, crying. i couldn't control myself from sobbing. when it's over, and back in the office, he made jokes and tried to get my attention. heh, go to hell! i'm not going to speak to you! really if he swore at me in malay i still can accept it but right on my face, that really was something. i avoided him for the rest of the day. it hurts, i'm still hurting when i thought about it. his yell was still fresh in my head.

and to top it all, my boss asked me to see him later in the afternoon, outside. and he babbled about the staffs and things i should do and a heavy burden fell right on me not placed at my shoulder. that's what i used to say - he expected too much. at the same time, i'm gaining hami's trust. and i was told about this and that by the boss. i AM the one who knew everything of what the staffs and the boss said about each other. and this brought a real headache.

man, if this is what i have to experience - i'd rather take zura's offer to replace her in motorola pj. i am enjoying in learning linux but this is just not my way of handling things. aiyoooo, i don't have a life now! *weeps*

and i am tired of what happened today. i really couldn't take the swearing. sorry!

listen to ruffedge's tipah tertipu.. nice rapping, but i liked the accapella version of tipahtertiputertiputertiputiputertiputipah while they were performing in klcc.

Friday, April 09, 2004

story of life.. from the seat of a bike... ver. 2.

its 10 in the morning and i'm still sleepy. i still cannot get over the loss of the long entry i've written last night. and the fact that i am dissapointed with my result. i've never felt worse in all of these 4 semesters. coz i worked my ass for it, even during the last weeks before the exam, we were packed with tests, final reports and quizzes.

that's when i decided : i need a break. coz i broke down so many times during the finals. and mom never showed she cared like she did during the last weeks of semester. i was really depressed and i think if i was a pc, my RAM would surely burnt to nonsense.

i need to work harder next semester. coz this is just too much and with my cgpa now, i won't be able to continue for degree in kutkm. bah, who cares? i'm not going to stay there anyway. i'm going off malacca. tak berkembang langsung. i need to go some place else. where i'm withing new surroundings, new people. work you ass then, girl!

i'm changing little by little coz i am not what i am now when i was in school. college life taught me a lot and mature me. i like what i am now. but i have nothing to boast all of these gonna be 20 life. feel wasted, all the time but doing nothing to do it good. i guess, messing with time was a really bad idea. coz time flew, not just walk away.

what if i did take the 'other' option? i think i wouldn't be here now, i'd be so faraway from here. i won't know the people i know today. i may be a different person. a little nerdie i guess? *lol* life is about making the right decisions and picking out the choices.

coz mom did tell her hopes if i did make the other option. sorry mom! this is meant to be a lesson for me. that life is a full cycle. once you're up, get ready to be down in no time. this is what awaits me when i chose this path. and, no regrets coz i learnt the hardness of life, taking life in different ways, looking at life from different views. i guess that's the most precious lesson i'll never get in any formal schooling anywhere.

and this blog had been a blessing. reading it in future time will surely made me laugh at my immature views and how i've grown up. just want to make sure that one day when i read this again, i can succeed with this path of mine, that i am the envy of my peers of my success and that i enjoy living and life isn't that cruel to me anymore.

smileys for today. can you guess who? fancy they didn't do the goatee on rob (first smiley, far left)

Linkin ParkFamous 12Famous 17

Thursday, April 08, 2004

story of life.. from the seat of a bike..

result sucks! and i've never been working that hard and studying that much and being tense like shit on the very last weeks of final but what did i get? even awei's cgpa was higher than my gpa.

i was typing a very long entry about the title and poof, the blue screen of death. man, i hate myself so.


Wednesday, April 07, 2004

play safe. come safe. hahaha!

to mozilla users, i'm really sorry the coding didn't do you justice. really a mess, i know. sorry for the inconvenience!

changed the blogskin yesterday to story of a dot by maystar. before that i tried on twilight zone, also by her but kinda hated it. nice, chosen by khalid but i need to upload some images, which i can't. so, i settled on story of a dot. may warned not to change the coding, which i stubbornly did and messed them up. anyways i deleted everything and copied back the whole coding. and i added Evanescence - Tourniquet for background music. my favorite track on 'fallen'.

izyan complained on her name not being here. just that i don't know what to story about her, coz we haven't been in touch these days. sorry lah. my fault missy. i'll try my best to go to the function on may 2nd. can't wait to see you.

no moon today. yesterday, like egg yolk. khaleel's quiet, even when he hi-ed me first (yeah!). whatever. easier that way.

hmmm, maybe tagboard and some fittings, this blog will be ready for adverts, in friendster. i was having doubts whether to put it up on friendster's board, with this khaleel kutuking thingy haha. i mean it was really that obvious. nvm, it won't do me no harm err maybe a bit difficult for micro-p next sem lol. adrian!

i did a marketing survey for ac nielsen about 2 months ago. i was needed to try an 'X' shampoo and see the 'difference'. and i thought it ended when the guy collected the shampoo bottle, but my nightmare has just begun. shit! i was forced to lie to cover their own asses. they were paid at the first stage 12 bucks per survey and all i got was a lousy face towel. and that survey was conducted based on the interview. how am i supposed to remember the supposedly i answered that damn shit when i don't? and with these stupid checking thingy (the process of confirming whether the interview was conducted in the first place or not, sort of for the payment thingy). i'm not a part of the scheme. and i was blamed for all of my so true answers, all i did was trying to cover them up and i was blamed? those bloody idiots.

i'm tired and please stop pestering me with those checking phone-calls.

happy birthday to kak miesah on her 21st birthday. may God bless you! belated birthday wishes to khubabe lawyer to be. on april 5th right? hehe. sorry. kinda 'terlupa' when.

p/s: the above title is on a condom ad. think about the right time and place. if i used it here, you would say it was nothing, but it was big thing when it is on a condom ad. :P

Tuesday, April 06, 2004

I'd Like to Buy the World an Eine.
Bring Out The Nurul.
The Ain For All Ages.
slogan generator

Monday, April 05, 2004

of moon and stars

just woke-up from sleep an hour ago. it's 4 in the morning. got reports to write. didn't i tell that i am such a bad procrastinator (if this word ever exist hehe!)?

spent half an hour in the toilet just now. doing nothing but some thinking. coz i called khaleel last night. yeah, i promised myself i won't call him but i don't want it to be that obvious that i'm avoiding him. he seemed happy to hear me and i admit he cared with those how you've been questions he asked. to tell you the truth, since i knew of the fling between him and syam, i hated him. why? coz i feel wasted. everything is.

i'm not acting like a kid with this hating thingy going on. but let's just let time heals the wound. and i've never been the actress like i did when i called, i deserved an award. coz i know that he knew i was cold even though i was laughing. plastic i called it. whatever it is, he's still my friend and the point there was, i was just asking about his well-being. the main point of calling. :p and i need to know somebody to help me with micro-p projects next sem hehe.

i was looking for something to eat (boiled some maggi at last), when i noticed the excessive lighting at the transparent roof. i thought it was the flourescent lamp, so i turned it off, and voila! my suspicions were confirmed. it was the full moon.

as i went out to take my log-book in the car, i just stood behind the car and gaze. spent the 5 minutes in silence (it was 3 sumthing and it was silent, duh!). the view was beautiful. the moon itself. breathtaking beauty.

and suddenly, i noticed a bright star. very bright. i used to say that the moon is khaleel and the bright star is me. i could see the star whenever i see the moon vice versa. of all these months the star and the moon stayed very close. but not tonight. the star was way downfall while the moon stood majestically up in the sky. just like me and khaleel now. and it was the star that shied off away.

another second of gazing and the clouds overtook the magnificent moon. hm....

omar was complaining about my previous entry of me talking geek at friendster. had to do it proper he said. i forgot to remind him of my blog header title, that this was all crap. and adding the fact that i was feeling crappy that day. i know it sucks. and with this mess (err, i purposedly messed up the coding). i actually want to change to a new skin. browsed around but haven't figured which one i liked.

i watched 50 first dates yesterday, 04.04.04, 4th of April 2004, in gsc cineplex 4, seat A4. now how nice? hehe. looking from chinese outlook, bad omen. 4 means death. aiyoo, so many 4's haha!

i talked to shakir online just now. he had to log out. missed him a lot. oi dude, i missed you!

alamak. report!

Saturday, April 03, 2004


workin on my studies in vain. love to write about everything and anything. my bf will be rob bourdon or someone who looked like him. i'm outgoing and noisy with those i'm fond of. i'm shy and arrogant in front of the others. first impression? i AM hitler. haha. babble around with the house phone (with which i've collected sky-high bills).

my name meant the light of the eye, eye of light, apple of the eye, whatever! oh and i do wear specs coz i'll be down the drain if i don't. i am simple and outdated coz i don't go with the flow, then life would be too boring. guys r cool but all r helpless when it comes to the girls. they go wobblyjell-o on the knees LoL =Þ

so what if u don't like me? i've had enough in my head than to deal with ur hatred towards me. man, i need 1GB RAM for my head coz i need to execute this heartbroken.gif, heartbroken.exe and heartbroken.php files in one single file, forget_it_duh.exe so that smile_even_ur_heart_bleeds.jpg can be used in my blog. period.

i'm saving money so that i can take the E licence (for lorries and buses class) because i am bespectacled and the limits of short-sighted for flying has exceeded *sobs*. no problem for B full i guess coz i'm not going to let the kawasaki zxr 350cc out from my grip. hehe.

filled in at friendster's about me field

added khaleel as friend there. he posted pictures of him when he was a little boy. unrecognizable. he looked totally different. who cares anyway? he's not my boyfriend, just a mere friend. we've known each other barely 3 months. i'm not having a grudge against him but knowing that syam lives in tasik utama temporarily made me wanted to scream in jealousy. think i'm a bit off-track here. sort of possessing him. that is my biggest problem. r]i[p

Friday, April 02, 2004

car's steering sucks!

it's okay, if you had to go away, i'll just remember the telephone, they're workin it both ways, but if i never ever hear them ring, if nothing else i'll think the bells inside, have finally found you someone else and that's okay, coz i remember everything you sang

- jason mraz - you and i both

the song is dedicated to khaleel. just found out about the lyrics today coz i found utopia's lyric listing just now.

i worked half day today. on the occasion of my faulty bike that refused to start and went dead halfway (of wet spark-plug), my bike's road tax (lucky the tax was lifted for 150cc bikes, just need to renew the insurance) will be due on monday and as i was using the car, mom's crippled.

at 2pm sent atan to his tuition place and mom to school. the day was hot and dry, driving me nuts. and jpj's system was offline really ticked me off. how am i going to get the road tax done by monday?

i watched under-18 girls hockey at my school against mrsm jasin. most of my school's players have been playing hockey for the last 5 years but their performance was disappointing even though they nailed the opponent 8 to none. missed many good chances to strike as of wrong strategy.

mrsm's defenders were good but they need to polish their strikers. our girls played hard and rough. mrsm lost 2 of their players. one was trying to duck the ball struck by our strikers and was hit right on her shoulder causing her waist swollen. what a strike!

another one was hit by the hockey stick right on her mouth by our player again. she was bleeding profusely and her teeth was crooked and sighss.. she lost another teeth. her upper mouth was swollen red and bleeding bad. pitied her. she had to pay a dear price for the love and passion of a sport.

i met apai while on the way home (turned out the spark-plug was wet afterall haha!). he was on his 125z and with a companion, a girl.. really, i wanted to laugh at him, but suddenly i felt a hard tug at my heart. yeah, i know he's my bestest bud, but i felt jealous actually.

why do i like apai?

1. he has very nice long and beautiful fingers, damn i'm melting.
2. he's soft (spoken, heart :P)
3. he's getting hotter (i don't know but i've got this kind of magnetism towards him nowadays)
4. he's damn smart
5. he's funny
6. that blue yamaha 125z with extra expensive 2t oil haha! no smoke generated.
7. i've known him for 5 years and we've been friends for 4 years, not even once he's angry at me. even if he did, he never showed it. coz he's that cool.
8. he's my first in many things uhum can't tell hehe.

i felt sad too, you know that kind of feeling of having something robbed from you, yeah my best friend was robbed by another girl. and even after calling him that the girl was his neighbour, i do know that he already had a girlfriend. sighs. i am still his bestest friend :P haha.

kyle oh kyle. you crossed my mind oh just so.
i need you by my side soon
can it be now?

humm, sometimes i wonder, if i'm into kyle that much, why did i still have time to actually like somebody else? is love actually like a full bucket, you divide it into half, and there's another half, and half and half.. it goes on?

Thursday, April 01, 2004

today is definitely what today is.

Check this out!

i'm fallin even more in love with you, letting go of all i've held on to, i'm standing here until you make me move, hangin by a moment here with you, forgetting all i'm lackng, completely incomplete, i'll take your invitation, you take all of me

lifehouse - hangin by a moment

i am nervous and feeling stupid, with this blue kebaya on a bike. what was i thinking when i decided with this pair of cloth? and hami complaining about my so-mummy like wrap of tudung. choking he said. oi, i was fine and comfortable with this, mind you. :p

listened to lifehouse when i was on the way to pick-up boss' niece from school

kind of touching as it brought fond memories and.. pain. sighs. but even if i had the ability to erase them, i won't, coz that's one of the memories i treasured. even it means hurt.

i am off now. got this baca yassin in boss' house.

when am i goin to get a life, if i stayed here? lucky for only two months and.. 2 weeks hehe.