Wednesday, August 11, 2010

said sadly part 1: pain

it is ramadhan the 1st. i am definitely on the other side to have landed again, with this kind of cheesy entry titles. blame it on the hormones or whatever they call it these days, i am getting old.

i am actually a different sorts of person. with everyone. the only person that i feel safe to be whatever i want and he won't say a thing except for the sake of my own benefit, is someone else's husband, though i know him long before that. i can't seem to start the story of my own life without telling about him coz he is what i am today. the story about myself will be awfully incomplete if his chapter is not included. but what he is to me and what we are, will be our secret. you just had to be in our shoes to know, which is not possible (since he is size men's 7 while i'm women's 8 :P)

it is the bitter feeling that stirred up the thoughts of unpleasant memories. rivalry is dangerous if it comes with jealousy, but if it is to work harder and better, it might bring good to those who felt it in the first place.

the bitter feeling that made me feel incompetent. the feeling that all is lost, and whatever that i worked hard for seems meaningless. and to feel this way must've been quite a blow. yes, it was. and it opened up the old wound, exposing it raw. try to put salt to it. the pain is much worse than that.

i cried when i felt nothing at all. i am built that way. my train of thoughts and feelings would be a mass of intricate thousands, where every single node known and felt. for this complex structure to be void, something disastrous might have shattered the walls i've built, the shields i've grown accustomed to.

i am repeating myself again. people think i'm being funny when i'm just being sarcastic. anyone can be funny, but not everyone can be sarcastic and gets away with being funny.

her: i told him the same thing 5 times already and he just asked me, again? can i whack some senses into this guy? *disgruntled*

me: you can't hit a clueless person. they won't know what hit them.

her: rofl!

3daysgrace: coz i'd rather feel pain than nothing at all.

to be continued.......

Monday, August 02, 2010

hiatus lagi.

i apologize if you are the frequent visitors here. july was so taxing, full of non-stop activities, being the dynamo myself. hence the lack of updates for july. i have so many things to write, but the words are just silent echoes in my head, without the proper channel to go out.

i hardly rest in july. i was always up to some mischiefs. be it the kerja gilas, or even visiting my nieces. 2 amusing things happened:

my conversation with my 17-months-old niece.

her: auntie, nak kelat. (chocolates, she meant)

me: kelat dah habis.

her: auntie, nak smile (taking pictures)

her mother: buat apa dengan tangan tu?

her: korek nose.

me: *rofl*

her: auntie, uncle mane?

me: *tersedak*

budak kecik pun tau tanye soalan cepukmas nih. hahahaha!

another occasion:

him: the main story is about ev's love for her husband.

why does that sound familiar? oh yea, i think i told him that hp is about sn4pe's love for hp's mother, which was quite amusing that somebody mirrored your exact point of view, voiced out previously.

i want to write more, but i am saving the words for another time. :)