Thursday, March 30, 2006

sleep is....

current y! status: u know he's meant for u, but u just can't raise those hands and touch him
thinking of: the softie idiot..

i slept too much. and this left a pathetically weak me. weak as in feelings. i hate it when the time comes. it gave me the sensitive and longing feel. and i'm terrible at handling those. i despise longing for something i can't have. but i guess it was something to start with. when you longed for it, you'll work hard to get it.

but it had to be kept in control or i'd be miserable for the rest of the night. which sucked, coz i have to study for a test tomorrow night. i've got reports to settle which gave me the creeps coz i just can't bring meself to settle em.

so i'd be busy later. can't wait for all of this business to end soon, on the 5th of may. after finals....

Monday, March 27, 2006

2nd post

current y! status: eijaz shaquille, the handsome miracle
thinking of: // my reports //

these days it struck me that i kept with the ones who knew me the most. the need to know new persons stuck to my head, it wasn't a bad idea after all.

as i traced the way people looked at me, i noticed one thing. they actually didn't dare to look more than once OR just didn't give a damn to have a look at me. well, if it wasn't the icy queen with that cold glare to freeze an entire earth, cheh.

i felt comfortable by not having the attention to myself. it was somewhat boring to be conscious of what you wear coz you know everyone will be looking. well, with my habit of wearing a wide array of unmatched colours (a horror of any fashionistas!), i found it distracting to be late just to find a suitable tudung for my shirt/baju kurung etc. so lets just leave me and my weird sense of fashion, will ya?

and the funny thing is, i predicted that THE ONE will not fall in love at first sight but rather had a hard time knowing the real me. it was intriguing but interesting to know that he'd care more for the insides than the outsides. on the other hand, those are just fantasies and i will be married to those lovey-dovey couples getting on the verge of vows of forever. and zura, don't give me the raised-eyebrow-look when i bought that weddingsmalaysia manual ok?

oh people, i badly need a break.

p/s: the status was a name i came across when i was surfing the net. beautiful name of beautiful meaning.

the shorter verse.

current y! status: the new object of affection
thinking of: the pile of report i kept telling myself to finish once and for all

the time flew and i just watched this blog, outdated. it's not that i don't want to, but with the current affairs, i just had to let myself sit down and think before i could actually write the words. so, the long gap was explained, though i doubt it will satisfy someone that comes here often. thehehe.

anyways, been taking care of the house and my siblings with parent away, on a course. so, every morning, be a nice careerwoman, lugging my lecture notes and bag, with a sleepy toddler hanging his head on my shoulder and his two bags of toys and books(read: clothes) to his baby-sitter. even the sleepiness didn't keep him from grumbling that i shouldn't be late to pick him up later. sorry darling, my lectures and labs always end at 5.

that, one thing. the other thing was, i got my head and hands full till i found myself crashing into a divider on a silent night on the way back after work. it was amazing that i escaped the unfortunate event without a scratch considering the condition of the front tyre, a big hole in it and the ream, a perfect 8. i fell unconcious for a second and look what happened? but i wasn't sleepy. maybe just fatigue.

these days have been busy, with me running all the 3 districts of melaka. one being my home, the other being my campus and another, my workplace and the place i hangout. i didn't mind any of it coz it wasn't just for the sake of berpoya-poya of which i still had to consider the price of oil. *sheesh*

with the dawn of each day, i realized that i have changed to some extent that some people didn't notice. i didn't mind that, coz the affairs i dealt with pushed me to become a stranger to my own self. it was frightening but had it happen to a more naive me, maybe i would resort to being another person who existed just to please other people, of which i despised.

i hated a girl, coz the trouble she caused to my already troubled life, but with that, i was able to see through another perspective and knowing the better of her. love you, girl and hate you too!

this coming week will be free, and the next full of the orderly shits. i hoped i didn't pee on them instead of doing better.

i got a love-letter for failing to attend 4 boring tutorial sessions, so i have 6 hours of beauty sleep to fell for. daag.

p/s: i have a new object of affection at work. *red* a younger one *red* i felt red *red*

Tuesday, March 07, 2006

of last week and this week...

...was hectic and will be hectic. the former was full of tests and the former will be with reports and presentation. how typical a budak sekolah can be?

last weekend, my big family had a bbq gathering in muar, my hometown. we roasted everything in sight, even potatoes. i stuffed myself, till i felt guilty of being so full. but everything was not to be missed, especially the sinfully guilt-indugence chocolate-cake.

the day after that, i roasted myself in heat and bathed in my own sweat. my grandma's house was the typical rumah kampung where the day will roast you, cooked, and the night will freeze you to death.

everyone was extra excited while cramming ourselves with the fabulous food. what excited me the most was not the occasion, but the people. especially, the little kid i adored so much,

imran hakim

i can barely open my eyes now, people. heat made me retire early.

p/s: i'm not happy with the new oil price hike. oi, even our w.p.r. maximum is 15sen per hour. chist! now i can not go see my best-friends anytime i like. may the promised outcomes better be good, you alongs!

Wednesday, March 01, 2006

surat untuk ko

hai. aku tengah takde wat aper, so tetiba rasa nak menulis untuk ko.

pertama sekali, sekali lagi aku mintak maaf kalo selama ni time aku mintak maaf kalo buat salah tu ada lagi benda yang ko terasa. aku paling tak pandai jaga perasaan orang yang aku sayang, terutama nye ko. sebab selama kita kenal, aku tak pernah melebihkan perasaan aku, cukup sekadar ko dengan aku tau, kite adalah kawan yang paling akrab.

biarla orang nak cakap ape pun, aku anggap ko dengan aku dah capai satu persefahaman yang antara kita tak mungkin ada satu perasaan atau perhubungan yang lebih dari seorang kawan. tapi bila orang mula berkata-kata pasal kita dan asyik mengena-ngenakan ko, aku yang terima akibat? aku yang jadi mangsa keadaan?

aku takkan mengungkit, walaupun pernah sampai peringkat ko nak buang aku dari hidup ko. kenapa ko perlu marah, bila aku tunjukkan aku tak suka cara ko perlakukan aku? aku harap ko tau, yang sekeras-keras aku, masih lagi ada perasaan.

aku ada sebab kenapa orang nampak dan faham aku layan ko macam mana. ko pun tau kan? aku baru beritau ko aritu.

ko dan aku sama-sama tau, kita je yang tau kita ni camne. tapi aku faham keadaan ko. biarla orang cakap macam-macam. yang aku tau, selama ni segala yang aku buat, ikhlas. aku harap apa yang ko buat jugak, ikhlas. aku sangat menghargai ko, jangan buat-buat tak faham tapi tolonglah jangan ambil kesempatan atas penghargaan aku terhadap ko.

aku tak pernah ada kawan macam ko. dan aku sangat-sangat terhutang budi. sepanjang tahun lepas, terlalu banyak yang terjadi. dan aku tak nafikan, aku jadi protective. walau apa pun, aku tak nak ko terluka. sebab kegembiraan ko sangat bermakna buat aku.

tahun ni, ko cakap ko tak nak jadi macam dulu lagi. aku dah rasa pelik. tapi takpelah. itu pun untuk kebaikan ko jugak. perkara yang aku rasa hampir mustahil terjadi, berlaku bila ko baik balik dengan dia. mengenangkan hari-hari yang ko sumpah dia macam-macam, aku macam tak percaya.

tapi aku terpaksa terima jugak, bila tiap-tiap kali kite lepak, ko akan lebih sibuk dengan tepon daripada borak dengan aku. kawan mana yang tak terasa? jasad ko je yang ada dengan kitorang tapi fikiran ko melayang.

aku terima jugak. aku lah harga yang ko terpaksa bayar untuk perubahan ko dan untuk berbaik dengan dia. mesti ko akan cakap, ko masih lagi orang yang sama walaupun dengan segala perubahan tu. aku cuma terasa, aku dah hilang kawan baik aku yang dulu. aku tak kenal dia yang sekarang. dan aku tak terasa nak kenal dengan dia yang sekarang, sebab dia dah ada kawan baru, yang lebih istimewa takhtanya dari aku.

aku hargai ko, dengan segala yang aku ada, tapi andai dia lebih bermakna dalam hidup ko dari aku, biarlah. aku tetap kotakan janji aku, biarlah apa-apa pun, aku akan ada kat sini. selagi aku mampu.

kawan ko,