smitten....

current y! status : i'm tired with things you say, driving me away
thinking of : all of the stuffs to be settled by tomorrow

i looked like a piece of wreck today. last night's effect of lepaking with closing team at subaidah. boy's treat. got home at 3 something to wash my uniform and a bath. slumber at 4. had to drag myself to get up at 8 or i'd be late to main camp.

out from the house at 835. didn't have the mood to talk to the girls. kept mostly to myself. talking only when i was being asked. i just hate waking up from sleep with the first thought of him instead of my usual i'm late for class!!!!!!!!! it made me feel stupid and numb. in class, i was silent with having deep thoughts about him. even when mr ho was busy lecturing and i was in between drowsiness and wake, i saw him instead of mr ho. like i was drunk and having visions.

i felt stupid and the all-time feeling, pain. i wanted to cry because it hurts, hurting me. i wonder how could he cause so much effect on me when we barely see each other and it's only a month. he touched me in a way that made me feel protective. bah! this craps made me sick. it will pass, eine. it WILL pass!

the other night, closing team went to our vip (not 'that' VIP) yusuf's open house near pandan. he was doing the end-of-month stock counting. and that was one of the days i get to see him. coz his shift is always in the morning. vicky didn't know the way to yusuf's house so i'd have to ask him coz he's the only one who knows. so there i was, sitting in front of him, listening as he drew the map with a mechanical pencil. as i was absorbing the info, and pointing at certain landmarks on the map with my little finger, suddenly he jabbed my finger with the point of the pencil, causing me to scream sakitla, bongok in pain. he just laughed and not even said sorry, that jerk. that meant, he was playing around, a sign of fondness. hmm... a good sign, lol. he wasn't able to join us much to my disappointment relief.

yusuf's house was crammed with jusco's crews as his wife is first assistant manager there. some delicious laksa and mee goreng topping it all with a numbing cold sirap sedap. lepak-lepak after jusco boys were gone till late 3somethings.

i've been spending more time with the crews nightly. a drink or two at subaidah and balik melepak tido. but i'm happy.

mom's in ipoh already. gonna pick anis up. just finished her spm. then they're heading down to kl. i wish i'd gone but have to settle so many things. mom called me from ipoh when i woke up from my nap telling they're already in my aunt's house. when i told her about wanting to go, she said something that i'd never thought she would say. something like "habis, dah kerja nak buat camane? kalau x nak kerja, berhenti je" the former made me felt that she respected the fact that i worked, something she rarely show. hehe.

i'm being ignorant. and it tore me to do just that especially to the ones i cared very much about. boleh pegi mampus i just don't care. i've got more to deal with than care about what you think about my attitude. so, i'd care when, with whom i want to. deal with it. i can never satisfy you so you're not happy with with what i am, then so long suckers.