friday the thirteenth

life has been peaceful during this fasting month. i've never been this calm 2 months ago.

but the workload doubled up.

slight turn...

mid term break already finished. spent it all with working. everyday like that. and it gets me that i couldn't get my job to finish on time.

oh, by the way i drove my sister back to kl last sunday. it was an unplanned journey as i didn't know my parents would be stuck somewhere else. so, lacking of sleep the night before, we started at 9am. got back here at 4.30pm and went straight to work. and drive-thru customers were non-stop for the next 5hours. i almost wanted to scream.

the fatigue really gets me that i took long naps in the afternoons after class and went through sleepless nights. i guessed i turned my biological clock haywire.

an is getting married in 3months. and most of my friends are all in serious relationships. all the planning into marriages, hehe. i guess though it kinda bugged me, i am thankful that i am single. the freedom is beyond words.

a friend once said, "you might not feel lonely until one day you realized your friends are busy with their partners and kids, and little did they have time to squeeze you into their lives"

true true. i felt that i am getting really old and grumpy. i don't find fun in things i liked to do. and that is quite a disaster. 22 and don't have anything to live up to, unless i lived only to 30. hehe.

i used to be so sure of myself and didn't let whatever stop me from doing what i wanted to do. the horror came, in the package of me losing grip. i don't want this. i don't need me scrutinizing myself when everybody else wasn't supportive. i thought i had a solid wall against the talks that might bring me down. guess i had to build a stronger me inside.

this is me, getting to the age of adult and leaving teenage years behind. the process of evolving into an adult? i'd rather call this a depression towards bigger responsibilities.

this grumpy idiot needs a break.

an outtake

it's midterm break, people. and i'm lazing around like nothing else matters. which somehow made sense considering the sleepless nights trying to cram everything into my big head.

so, i don't update. these days there weren't many things to write about and somehow i just lost touch of the idea flow. writers do get that sometimes. as for my case, all the time.

the recent malaysian film festival saw gubra took the best film award and its actress, sharifah amani won the best actress. she made a comment which sounded more or less like this,

"i think it would sound stupid if i speak malay" and

"if a good film dikatakan mencemar budaya let's do it more often".

it was the first sentence that caught my attention, not because of some thought it was downright rude. i didn't have anything to say against amani (except that she's young, feisty but able to portray orked beyond her years). just that i used to make that same statement years before (and still feel it too).

blame me, but somehow i feel comfortable to express myself in english. just like what i'm doing right now. i feel free to flow my ideas when it's english. but it became real hard (and sometimes a bit queer) to do the same to malay. i'm trying to polish my foreign language and localize it with lahs and mas. blame me (again). but i tried to at least make sure my grammar is correct at least to my standards, which i failed to do with my malay, completely.

just now, there were 2 malay girls speaking to each other in english at the front counter and a colleague made fun of them "you two sounded stupid when you speak in english"

i flushed and said nothing. it brought back the memories of high-school. we'd play this game of speak only english for every period before recess except maths. it was funny when we tried hard to talk in english and end up wrong. it was fun nonetheless until other peers found out about it. they jeered and made fun of our attempts. we stopped the game completely and forgot about it. till then, i realized to learn english, i must find other ways and people to learn it with. not some jeering jealous kampung people. i am proud to be a kampung girl but that doesn't mean i am 10 years behind like some people's perceptions towards me (which i don't give a damn).

now, i can speak almost as good as i can write. and i was lucky i didn't let what people say pull me down from what i'm doing. so, as i feel free to write in english, it may be a while before i start to write in malay. as for amani's case, she was just being honest and at least she talked in a language she knows she can handle better than some people who claimed to be malay, yet speaks in rojak malay. me? i'm happy i have flat nose and malay features but also, i can speak english. that's what matters.

i was supposed to be with aN on friday, as yesterday was her engagement ceremony. but my poor black maria got loaded with water the night before i left. so, i had to settle it and there goes 12bucks (byebye) on tickets and loads more to flush the water out of its engines huhu.

to aN: congratz on your engagement. i 'm sorry i couldn't make it. i promise i'd go to your wedding if you'd invite me then hehe.

after the ceremony i planned to go to kl to meet some friends. as i won't be going to temerloh, i planned to go to kl today. until zura called it off as she actually had to work closing. *sighs* guess i'd be spending the hols with working, then. no fancy trips to anywhere.

i'm in love people. or not. i'm yet to discover or decide.

busy week

current y! status: my faithful idiot
thinking of: how to start writing the report?

the week before was quite the beginning of busy ones after this. i am still yet to recover from the sekejap demam, sekejap ok phase.

i had quite a row with a friend. period.

i got to know another friend, whom i wasn't bothered with these years.

... the truckload of work to be done.

my parents will be off to courses tomorrow. and i'll be the one in charge of my angel and the house. my hectic social (hehe) and classes sched prevent me from seeing the lot and even i don't see them, i know they're there. but, not having them for the rest of the week just sucks. i'm such a baby about my parents, heh!

sick

i am just plain sick. with fever, flu, and sore cough lining up to devour little of what i had. come to think of what the nurse said of my lack of weight and the chance of hitting the scales notches. right now i'm feeling the scales would hit me, duh.

i've been swallowing colourful pills of all sizes. for the above said sicknesses and plus a pill for treating swollen arm. if it had been colourful sweets, my angel would be all glee to swallow em for me. which thankfully weren't.

i was bothered about what i messed with. or was it rather who i messed with? it gets tiresome if people stop befriending you after they met you. it was plain stupid to look at physical aspects alone. but it also became a nightmare if people get obsessed with you. ok, so i didn't ask for it, i can't help being myself and had people liking me for what i am, right?

*sighs* it pays to have few true friends and keep em than having so many friends till you get confused who will have your back, stabbed or be the one to stab or be just friends to that extent?

p.i.t.a.

current y! status: s.i.c. with a k
thinking of: skipping class tomorrow

i read 2 of my friend's blogs and a similarity struck me. that i wasn't the only one feeling a bit down these days,

even when i wasn't mad with fazik anymore and can speak his gf's name clearly in front of him,

when i saw a lot of salleh than i could ask for,

when i saw a lot of potential to trust in others especially in pijal after 2 blind years, hehe,

when i have miserable thoughts of the seas,

when i thought about the time when i was blamed, when it was wrong to be single,

when it doesn't hurt anymore being alone,

coz being immortal isn't always about the ability to escape death and live forever. it is rather the ability to overcome what may, the strength to face the world, even when you have no one by your side, no one to protect you as you have the strongest wall to catch you when you fall, as soft that you realize you fell but because of the barrier you created, you come back up again stronger than ever. nothing can hurt you except death.

...........

dear afan,

you made me realize why you had the kind of face when i first saw you. i understand the situation as best as i could, though you being through it took tremendous courage and feat. i'm glad our paths crossed. thanks for letting me know that first impression carried so much of what you are.

...........

i didn't lie. i'm sorry i had to be the first after a few thoughts. not other numbers. coz the way i spelled my name here meant number one in german. coz i couldn't have it any other way.

dirrrrty malaysians!

current y! status: 200 miles away from you
thinking of: my precious angel with chubby cheek

it was an okay early friday evening. i was driving the black maria behind another car , humming to the tunes from the radio when something disrupts my attention from driving.

i saw small bits of something flying towards my windscreen, then another. another passed. while i tried frantically to figure out what were those things and their origin, i realized angrily that they were initially not harmful though disgusting.

it was the skin bits of longans and its seed. no prize in guessing that they originated from the mouths of the stupid passengers of the car in front of mine. as i was pretty pissed with the disgusting act, i saw the same passenger holding out a bottle of water. this time to wash the hands from eating the longans. the water drizzled onto my windscreen. and the flying longans kept banging on my screen.

one thing about it was, it was like you ate them fruits and throw them onto someone else's face right from your mouth. it was downright rude. ok, so you don't think that was what you were doing but, at least take care of the cleanliness of your surroundings. you think the fruit was organic, it will rot away soon and became a part of the earth sooner than you think. but you didn't straight away bury them in but throwing them everywhere with hopes that the wind will blow them away.

next time, try wash your hands in a bowl of water and splash them on your friend. either you'll get a similar splash, a slap or something else. don't do things that you don't want others to do to you.

it's not only the cleanliness of your car that matters. it's the way you care about the environmwent you lived in coz it won't be long for it to be full with trash if we keep on throwing rubbish everywhere. start recycling, or if you find that hard, start with not throwing rubbish out of your car. keep them for dispose at nearby dustbin available. if you can't do that too, make sure that there's no car near the landing point of the seed.

it was lucky that i was driving. if i was riding my bike and was hit with those pebble-like longans, they would hear an earful from me. once, i had a driver who threw his cigar's stub onto my lap while i was passing his car at a traffic stop. i knew it was accidental but you can make a difference.

after the short break..

current y! status: hold on, if you feel like letting go
thinking of: the packed scheduled tomorrow

i've been constantly reminding myself that i shouldn't leave this place to rot, which i have been failing to comply. i was pretty busy with working and learning and having plans.

the sem is already in the third week. a packed one that is, though i am happy that monday class starts at 10 and no class after friday prayers. with the exception of tuesday 8am till 10pm, i am satisfied.

i had been planning for a 3-day-getaway with the girls but turned out they couldn't get away from work so we settled for a wet day at sunway. so, there we were, 15 of us screaming at the top of our lungs on the roller-coaster. we had so much fun, eh guys? can't wait for our next get-away.

we had our crew-picnic too at the beach. it was enjoyable though there was an unforgettable incident i wished i hadn't witnessed. i slept most of the time with airy breeze and shady trees hehe.

i donated blood the other day. my first time experience. it was technically painless and a simple process if not for these two incident:

1- Blood-pressure checkup

Doc : berat ni timbang tadi?

me : yep

Doc : are you having period now? (considering the big pimple i had then)

me : no

Doc : yet period?

me : no

Doc : coming soon?

me : yes

Doc : you're not yet period and still 50kg?(in a shrieking voice). girl, you're not up to the ideal BMI (i'm 19) blablabla... considering your so small size (with distaste), we'll only take a small bag.

2- The big moment

Nurse 1: dik, akak tak dapat cari awak punya urat ni. halus sangat.(while slapping hard at my arm to find the nerve).

finally she did find one, jabbed it and as i relieved, a few seconds later,

Nurse 2: eh, ni tak boleh ni. tengok dah bengkak ni.(i watched with horror as my arm was swollen around the jab). cepat cabut.

and i had to go through the same process as i had to change to the right arm as they couldn't find the right nerve on my left. so, i was left with two jabs on both arms. the funny thing was, the right arm which they took the blood from was fine but the mistaken nerve arm had an ugly bruise as my sister called it, internal bleeding. and it has been spreading like a virus making me look like an abuse victim hahaha!

the nurse made a joke out of my rather petite figure, noting that this whole thing might give me the chance to gain weight. well, that explains my wolfish hunger these days.

weight entry

i may have stated that i don't give a damn about how much i weighed in previous entries. as much as i don't care, i don't want to be obese or anorexic for that matter.

it was then, i realized that i do care about how much i weigh. whether ideal (which was getting pretty easy to reach these days compared to the underweight days hahaha!) or a wee bit underweight.

long-time-no-see friends said i was thinner, in what way did they see it i wonder. and everyday-see friends been calling me names like full moon, apam bulat, bujur telur, you get the picture of the 'fuller'-faced me.

being an avid eater with no obvious results showing, friends been hammering me for diet plans. here are some of my past experiences keeping note that i'm a high-metabolism person.

- eat only once a day. dinner at 7 specifically mcd's spicy fried chicken and iced lemon tea. allow yourself to indulge in sundaes with strawberry and chocolate topping 2-3 times a week.

possiblity success rate: 5kgs loss in 2 weeks and jakun tengok nasi being a malay raised with rice.

- almost veggie meal. no meat, only veggies.

possibility success rate : none, but a calmer you spiritually and possibly anaemic too.

- punctuality. morning breakfast of kuih atau roti. lunch at 1, healthy ensemble of rice, white/red meat and veggies. tea of pau kacang merah. dinner at 8, the same healthy lunch ensemble.

possiblity success rate : 5kgs gain in 2 weeks and a busted waistline haha!

- exam mode. your life depend on the high-sugar content snacks and caffein to keep you going for the books till you forget to eat a decent meal.

possiblity success rate : a few kgs loss and terrible nightmare to sleep as the aftermath of the excess caffein.

... and a lot of others. i cared about how much i weigh, but i keep on eating as if nothing really bother me. didn't do much, like i'd care. maybe i did shed some kilos, and i'd be happily munching on some kitkats as i wrote this.

what i do care is, the most important thing is the insides. it's the way you feel confident about yourself, how you carry yourself around and took great pride in it is essential to feel good and trust me, it shows rather than being stick-thin and still scared sick of gaining a gram.

month of celebration

y! status: available as in 'Available'
thinking of: why i wouldn't update for the past one month

apologies. you will be busy with whatever you wish to be busy with, so i've chosen life as in LIFE to be busy with. so with life, doing what i always does best, well, pretty much good at it: sleep and werk.

mom's been complaining of not seeing me on daily basis. i work the night shift so the time she's at home is the time i work vice versa. you get the picture.

i made up with my friend. it was then i realized that through the painful months, i didn't need to explain anything. best-friends accept things the way they are. though i feel sorry, we did think about what went wrong. there was nothing except people around us. they couldn't believe that we'd die for each other if we have to but remained as close-friends. we are platonic and we'd be like this for as long as it takes coz we are each other's other half though we will end up marrying someone else and not each other.

The long list of birthdays & anniversary chronologically

Shad's 22nd : may 9th
my sister Anees' 19th : may 27th
my darling Zura's 22nd : may 28th
my pet bro Am's : may 29th
Yazid's 23rd : june 2nd
Papai's 24th : june 6th
my uncle Ismail's turning of life : june 6th
Fazik's 21st : june 8th

celebrating my second consecutive year working at the big M, yesterday. a mess of everything where i started my night life. love the place and the people particularly.

happy birthday, fazik. don't let the others put you down about us. they don't know, so don't let them poison you. my wish for you is that i'd die before you so i won't cry broken-hearted for you hahaha.

welcome home, me.

a month of worldly deeds and shit. a month of torture and pain. till i was exhausted with wondering, where will this take me to?

first, there was this final examination. the first i took being at home all the time, studying. the first i took without taking leave from werk (which i was so deeply depressed with).

second, i messed up with a friend, which was a response to his mess with his ex. sorry, this relationship took too much of me and will take too much of you to handle me after all of this.

stupid girl: you are what i never achieved from him. never consider me as a barrier between you two unless you decided to hurt him again, idiot.

third, i treated others vain. maybe lack of socializing with the high and mighty (cheh!). at home i only socialize with a 4-year-old kid, talk to the other end party through my pc, and love only my bed. it's getting me that i didn't talk as much. withdrawn more like it. i was applying the when you don't have anything nice to say, just shut up.

i decided to learn a language after being poisoned by jobstreet. to which a deficit to the poor me. wish me luck.

about the cute kid who is a year older than mr navy and looked much like him, i did something about it, so you shouldn't worry about sappy entries anymore unless i decide it's sappy.

for aN, khaleel, kak liza, kak nuzul, kak leia and kak rina,

a glorious 4 years experience. finished here doesn't mean the friendship does too. thank you for the differences you guys caused in my life. and err... if there's any kad merah printing out soon, message me for my immediate address ok?

i am now working full-time. period.

be right back entry

the young adventurer who became a legend....

from the battlefields...

good stuff, i tell you.

a new layout, maybe?

current y! status: bruised and battered by your words, dazed and shattered now it hurts.
thinking of: my finals... with hints of budak kecik

i forgot my blog's birthday. on march 23rd. i knew it was in march but lupa to point it out and literally forgot all about it. and to remember that it already turned two, maybe i'd find some new skins. when i have nothing better to do during the upcoming exam week.

watched gubra the other day. go watch it, people! not because i'm a HUGE fan of sepet, but it was worth the bucks you'd spent. though i kinda wondered why did yasmin put all the trouble to end her movie after the credits finished rolling? yes, people, do stay after the credits rolled. it was nothing according to the reviews but who'd expect there's still some scenes to catch after the rolls?

been driving these days with an old black car which i named black maria because of the bland black it was coloured. an 80's car. on the way to work, it rained catdogs till i barely could see the surroundings. as the window can't be properly rolled up, leaving a gap, left me drenched when i arrived. imagine when you're driving but you're as wet as when you ride a bike. i just watched the water trickling down to my right shoulder while waiting for the green light with amusement and frantic effort to wipe it. haha!

i loved the car even it's without air-cond and you had to slam the door hard to close it. i loved the spacious window.

when i talk about budak kecik or the term ayu used anak ikan which refers to the young bois, i'm talking about my current apple of the eye. the guy who has sepet eyes and has the same name origin with mr navy. he liked to sing, more to match my variety of songs to sing every other time. it almost felt like, we're singing those lines to each other. but he sucked. his voice was still on the verge of turning into a man's, so imagine listening to tomok in his early singing career hahahaha!
this is one stupid obsession i dare not get involved with, too much. but everytime he threw that hopeful gaze i'm head over heels with, that i'd stop, smile and talk to him.. yes, i'm perasan but it was something i read from his body language. :P

a very blessed birthday wish to mr navy. watch out for SAPPY sections in EACH and EVERY entry after this.

a little personal

current y! status: when i'm with u, i'm close to tears
thinking of: budak kecik

i was pretty concerned with my current obsession of young bois. shouldn't i be on the same track as my friends, getting hooked with bois our age? been there, done that. it was as a friend said it, age is just a number when attraction is the factor. i don't want to be seen as a paedophile, or even a seductress who'd lure innocent virgin boys to eternal damnation (again an exact quote from a friend).

it has been a while since i last felt this feel. i felt young all over again and blushed like a kid. and this explains my status which meant when i'm with you, i am about to cry of the beautiful feeling, the one you gave me chills and butterflies, of the funny tingle all over me, the unspoken glances and........ that i can only see and adore you from afar coz you're someone else's.

i am really afraid that this will only mark a chapter like when me.d became from diary to history.

i don't know why the first time i saw you, i felt myself warming coz you looked a lot like mr navy with your sepet eyes. and liked you ever since. i liked the way you wrap the things, how you did the chicken perfectly. everytime i stole a glance or two just to know what you're doing, i know you're watching when i wasn't, hoping that i'd say something nice or smile. *dream on*

i'm gonna watch gubra tomorrow with the girls and fazik maybe if i can wake him up. pardon the sappy entry hehe.

them all are finks!

there was this time where i roam around the school wearing jeans freely. there was no one to check us wearing what kind of clothes. our lecturers said it was okay if we wear jeans in the labs. provided we wear the lab jacket. but then, life was simple and happy.

later during my second phase in school, some rules came up. it wasn't new but being reintroduced so students should be aware of it. that even came with a notice of


"PEMAKAIAN JEANS ADALAH DILARANG SAMA SEKALI KECUALI UNTUK KERJA-KERJA AMALI DAN BENGKEL"


which i understood as "STUDENTS ARE NOT ALLOWED TO WEAR JEANS EXCEPT FOR PRACTICAL AND LABORATORY SESSIONS" which is quite clear that students shouldn't wear jeans to lectures.

and those fucking notices were pasted at all of lab's notice boards.

and one fine day, i was stopped by a guard patrolling my hostel saying i should change my jeans coz those guards in school were doing spotchecks. ok, my fault coz i was going to a lecture, that weren't allowed.

these days, i resisted the temptations to wear jeans and resort to plain pocketless trousers from my heydays being crew before the new makeover or the black jeans which didn't draw suspicions.

TODAY, my first day of donning jeans after some time WITH A LAB JACKET, but some stupid technician told me i should just get out from the lab because of THE JEANS?


WTF? WTF?


the fact that it pissed me more coz there were certain technicians who allowed jeans in the lab.


WTF? WTF?

what the heck? u're gonna tell me that the notice is useless? the notices were up coz some idiot decided he wanted to wear jeans to labs?

the notices WERE FROM THE ACADEMICS OFFICE & STUDENTS AFFAIRS & FACULTY YOU BLIND OLD FAG.

if you want to ban jeans, ban it once and for all. don't let anyone wearing it in campus. no exceptional. you were giving false information to STUDENTS and making those stupid technicians look even stupider than ever.

and even if you are so kind to let us wear jeans to labs, tell those idiotic faggots that you are being so kind to us BY LETTING US WEAR JEANS and let them sulk coz they're taken away those cynical and rude remarks of not knowing the rules to students.

TELL THEM THAT!

on being a woman part 1

over the years, my guy-friends came to me with girl-related problems and they always end the heart-pouring session with the expression that girls suck. and i do agree with them. some guys even apologized considering that they were telling all of whatnots to a girl (read: me) and yet claiming girls suck.

and what was i doing? instead of defending my own species, i allied with the enemy to backstab them. sounds like a traitor. and now, proudly being a woman, presenting the so-called back-stabbing reasons.

i've been through so much on dealing with *sic* girls. while me and my guy-friends do agree that girls suck, we meant that SOME of them, not ALL. and this wasn't statistical ok, where you pick a handful from a big bunch and as those handful suck, you conclude that ALL in the bunch were rotten apples. that wasn't how the story goes coz life isn't about the darn statistics.

remember when you were driving fairly fast on what seems to be a deserted road when all of a sudden, a car swerved into the front from a junction causing you to curse wtf? step on those brakes and slow down as that car was so slow and you were inches of colliding into its rear? and as your car sped up and overtook the fucking car, you noticed the driver is a woman who looked innocently ahead like there was nothing happened and you said, patutlah lembab nak mampus and cooled down. they can slowly drive out from a junction without looking out for other cars, made you mutter those obscenities and get away with it.

there were also girls whom got jealous of me just because i had more guy friends than them. err.. hello? i am still single remember? that's why i didn't have to worry about what my boyfriend's feeling if i befriend too many guys at a time. i wasn't even jealous of you having a boyfriend. so, don't be, coz you were luckier to have a boyfriend who cared about you in these days of good guys scarcity. as for me, let me see the world in her baddest, befriending anyone who actually cared to see through the skin.

sleep is....

current y! status: u know he's meant for u, but u just can't raise those hands and touch him
thinking of: the softie idiot..

i slept too much. and this left a pathetically weak me. weak as in feelings. i hate it when the time comes. it gave me the sensitive and longing feel. and i'm terrible at handling those. i despise longing for something i can't have. but i guess it was something to start with. when you longed for it, you'll work hard to get it.

but it had to be kept in control or i'd be miserable for the rest of the night. which sucked, coz i have to study for a test tomorrow night. i've got reports to settle which gave me the creeps coz i just can't bring meself to settle em.

so i'd be busy later. can't wait for all of this business to end soon, on the 5th of may. after finals....

2nd post

current y! status: eijaz shaquille, the handsome miracle
thinking of: // my reports //

these days it struck me that i kept with the ones who knew me the most. the need to know new persons stuck to my head, it wasn't a bad idea after all.

as i traced the way people looked at me, i noticed one thing. they actually didn't dare to look more than once OR just didn't give a damn to have a look at me. well, if it wasn't the icy queen with that cold glare to freeze an entire earth, cheh.

i felt comfortable by not having the attention to myself. it was somewhat boring to be conscious of what you wear coz you know everyone will be looking. well, with my habit of wearing a wide array of unmatched colours (a horror of any fashionistas!), i found it distracting to be late just to find a suitable tudung for my shirt/baju kurung etc. so lets just leave me and my weird sense of fashion, will ya?

and the funny thing is, i predicted that THE ONE will not fall in love at first sight but rather had a hard time knowing the real me. it was intriguing but interesting to know that he'd care more for the insides than the outsides. on the other hand, those are just fantasies and i will be married to those lovey-dovey couples getting on the verge of vows of forever. and zura, don't give me the raised-eyebrow-look when i bought that weddingsmalaysia manual ok?

oh people, i badly need a break.

p/s: the status was a name i came across when i was surfing the net. beautiful name of beautiful meaning.

the shorter verse.

current y! status: the new object of affection
thinking of: the pile of report i kept telling myself to finish once and for all

the time flew and i just watched this blog, outdated. it's not that i don't want to, but with the current affairs, i just had to let myself sit down and think before i could actually write the words. so, the long gap was explained, though i doubt it will satisfy someone that comes here often. thehehe.

anyways, been taking care of the house and my siblings with parent away, on a course. so, every morning, be a nice careerwoman, lugging my lecture notes and bag, with a sleepy toddler hanging his head on my shoulder and his two bags of toys and books(read: clothes) to his baby-sitter. even the sleepiness didn't keep him from grumbling that i shouldn't be late to pick him up later. sorry darling, my lectures and labs always end at 5.

that, one thing. the other thing was, i got my head and hands full till i found myself crashing into a divider on a silent night on the way back after work. it was amazing that i escaped the unfortunate event without a scratch considering the condition of the front tyre, a big hole in it and the ream, a perfect 8. i fell unconcious for a second and look what happened? but i wasn't sleepy. maybe just fatigue.

these days have been busy, with me running all the 3 districts of melaka. one being my home, the other being my campus and another, my workplace and the place i hangout. i didn't mind any of it coz it wasn't just for the sake of berpoya-poya of which i still had to consider the price of oil. *sheesh*

with the dawn of each day, i realized that i have changed to some extent that some people didn't notice. i didn't mind that, coz the affairs i dealt with pushed me to become a stranger to my own self. it was frightening but had it happen to a more naive me, maybe i would resort to being another person who existed just to please other people, of which i despised.

i hated a girl, coz the trouble she caused to my already troubled life, but with that, i was able to see through another perspective and knowing the better of her. love you, girl and hate you too!

this coming week will be free, and the next full of the orderly shits. i hoped i didn't pee on them instead of doing better.

i got a love-letter for failing to attend 4 boring tutorial sessions, so i have 6 hours of beauty sleep to fell for. daag.

p/s: i have a new object of affection at work. *red* a younger one *red* i felt red *red*

of last week and this week...

...was hectic and will be hectic. the former was full of tests and the former will be with reports and presentation. how typical a budak sekolah can be?

last weekend, my big family had a bbq gathering in muar, my hometown. we roasted everything in sight, even potatoes. i stuffed myself, till i felt guilty of being so full. but everything was not to be missed, especially the sinfully guilt-indugence chocolate-cake.

the day after that, i roasted myself in heat and bathed in my own sweat. my grandma's house was the typical rumah kampung where the day will roast you, cooked, and the night will freeze you to death.

everyone was extra excited while cramming ourselves with the fabulous food. what excited me the most was not the occasion, but the people. especially, the little kid i adored so much,


imran hakim

i can barely open my eyes now, people. heat made me retire early.

p/s: i'm not happy with the new oil price hike. oi, even our w.p.r. maximum is 15sen per hour. chist! now i can not go see my best-friends anytime i like. may the promised outcomes better be good, you alongs!

surat untuk ko

hai. aku tengah takde wat aper, so tetiba rasa nak menulis untuk ko.

pertama sekali, sekali lagi aku mintak maaf kalo selama ni time aku mintak maaf kalo buat salah tu ada lagi benda yang ko terasa. aku paling tak pandai jaga perasaan orang yang aku sayang, terutama nye ko. sebab selama kita kenal, aku tak pernah melebihkan perasaan aku, cukup sekadar ko dengan aku tau, kite adalah kawan yang paling akrab.

biarla orang nak cakap ape pun, aku anggap ko dengan aku dah capai satu persefahaman yang antara kita tak mungkin ada satu perasaan atau perhubungan yang lebih dari seorang kawan. tapi bila orang mula berkata-kata pasal kita dan asyik mengena-ngenakan ko, aku yang terima akibat? aku yang jadi mangsa keadaan?

aku takkan mengungkit, walaupun pernah sampai peringkat ko nak buang aku dari hidup ko. kenapa ko perlu marah, bila aku tunjukkan aku tak suka cara ko perlakukan aku? aku harap ko tau, yang sekeras-keras aku, masih lagi ada perasaan.

aku ada sebab kenapa orang nampak dan faham aku layan ko macam mana. ko pun tau kan? aku baru beritau ko aritu.

ko dan aku sama-sama tau, kita je yang tau kita ni camne. tapi aku faham keadaan ko. biarla orang cakap macam-macam. yang aku tau, selama ni segala yang aku buat, ikhlas. aku harap apa yang ko buat jugak, ikhlas. aku sangat menghargai ko, jangan buat-buat tak faham tapi tolonglah jangan ambil kesempatan atas penghargaan aku terhadap ko.

aku tak pernah ada kawan macam ko. dan aku sangat-sangat terhutang budi. sepanjang tahun lepas, terlalu banyak yang terjadi. dan aku tak nafikan, aku jadi protective. walau apa pun, aku tak nak ko terluka. sebab kegembiraan ko sangat bermakna buat aku.

tahun ni, ko cakap ko tak nak jadi macam dulu lagi. aku dah rasa pelik. tapi takpelah. itu pun untuk kebaikan ko jugak. perkara yang aku rasa hampir mustahil terjadi, berlaku bila ko baik balik dengan dia. mengenangkan hari-hari yang ko sumpah dia macam-macam, aku macam tak percaya.

tapi aku terpaksa terima jugak, bila tiap-tiap kali kite lepak, ko akan lebih sibuk dengan tepon daripada borak dengan aku. kawan mana yang tak terasa? jasad ko je yang ada dengan kitorang tapi fikiran ko melayang.

aku terima jugak. aku lah harga yang ko terpaksa bayar untuk perubahan ko dan untuk berbaik dengan dia. mesti ko akan cakap, ko masih lagi orang yang sama walaupun dengan segala perubahan tu. aku cuma terasa, aku dah hilang kawan baik aku yang dulu. aku tak kenal dia yang sekarang. dan aku tak terasa nak kenal dengan dia yang sekarang, sebab dia dah ada kawan baru, yang lebih istimewa takhtanya dari aku.

aku hargai ko, dengan segala yang aku ada, tapi andai dia lebih bermakna dalam hidup ko dari aku, biarlah. aku tetap kotakan janji aku, biarlah apa-apa pun, aku akan ada kat sini. selagi aku mampu.

kawan ko,
ain

of secret love affairs

current y! status: cerita kau... dan aku
thinking of: my jammed line of reports and tests next week. oh, last week's? all postponed next week, shit!

2 of my diploma ex-classmates got hooked secretly. without most of us knowing it, err.. well, those who're lazy to check out their fs including me. so in love, made me remember about the controversial squabble i had with the girl while in 2nd year, hehe. and the suspicious inseparable lovebirds during convocation. well guys, i'm happy for both of you. bile nak makan nasi minyak weh? =p

some relationship touched me, while others made me think they should have a world of their own because of the *yeech* lovey dovey stuff. i'm not anti those stuffs, but can't you keep it just between both of you, please? the world will cheer if you guys didn't make it to the wedding arch, cheyy!

anyways, i'm going for late closing, later. my first time. looking forward to it. with auntie, how lucky can i be? hopefully she will not object to me, studying after finishing the other works.

thinking of my particular. how he knew my ups and downs, me the cold to me the bright. how i treasure him, with all my soul. if our paths aren't going the same way, i'll always be here, praying for your ever happiness. heeeee. =p

of pet sis and classmate

thinking of: nada. my brain is resting.

back in high-skool, i used to be so popular. apart from being a teacher's daughter, i was the assembly's emcee, the ever arrogant prefect. who hadn't heard of me must have been living in a different dimension. hey, this is not the place where only pretty girls get the limelight, ok?

and being popular doesn't mean you are well-liked. who cares? i didn't ask for it. one of the 'in-things' those days was having a pet bro or sis. they even had the term break/clash when the two didn't get along anymore. hah!

so, getting on with the flow, one freshie caught my eye. let's name her, mim. she looked a lot like one of my closest friend at that time. well, i just wanted to be friends. she took it a level higher.

being a senior, i didn't really get on with the form 4 juniors, including this one particular girl, jay. after mim took the missing cue, i found out, she was jay's, too. err.. as i didn't mean to kacau someone else's pet sis (at that time, you weren't allowed to have more than one sis at the same place), i just leave it at that and letting mim know that this was only between us and our middle-girl.

mim was so rajin to send me those beautifully hand-crafted cards, which i painfully ignored. i just didn't want to get her high on hopes. i didn't even bid her goodbye when i left school. i didn't want jay to know. but i have a picture of mim of which i asked from my fren, as that was a pic of mim with her pet sis.

i didn't contact her when i left school. until this one particular outing my mom forced me to go which was organized by the school's puterians. mim was there. i thought it was her, but when i looked again, it was someone else. until she came and said hi. she was all grown-up, then. we didn't talk much. that was the last time i saw her.

when i was in my final year, i noticed a familiar name in a class i planned to further my studies. it was jay. and it wasn't a nice feeling. i had to be in the same class with jay.

so, being in the same class wasn't hard when u only see each other during lectures, until my lecturer pre-selected names and divided groups according to the names list. guess what? jay and i were partners. i acted professional for the sake of the subject and avoided her anytime else.

another blow came when this guy i like to be friends with in the new class, was her boyfriend. i just have to accept the fact that jay and i were going to cross paths, this way or that way, any way.

so, jay, even if your boyfriend is my good friend, i don't have to like you, or try to. let our paths cross, like i'd cared. i'd attend his wedding, even if his bride is you but don't ask me to like you. and i do understand that you won't like me, either, so be it. i'd mess with some of the persons in your life including one of the most important ones, but please, i won't steal him. stop looking at me and blaming me that i poisoned his mind. i did, but not in the ways you expect me to.

p/s: i rambled a lot these days. pardon me and my loose self.

of lucky and future plans

kukatakan dengan indah
dengan terbuka
hatiku hampa
sepertinya luka
menghampirinya

kau beri rasa
yg berbeda
mungkin kusalah
mengartikannya
yang kurasa cinta

tetapi hatiku
selalu meninggikanmu
terlalu meninggikanmu
selalu meninggikanmu

kau hancurkan hatiku
hancurkan lagi
kau hancurkan hatiku
tuk melihatmu

kau terangi jiwaku
kau redupkan lagih
kau hancurkan hatiku
tuk melihatmu

membuatku terjatuh
dan terjatuh lagi

membuatku merasakan
yang tlah terjadi
semua yang terbaik
dan terlewati
semua yang terhenti
tanpa kuakhiri

kukatakan dengan indah - peterpan

some people can be so lucky. i am luckier than some other people may think. to have a quiet life (for those of you who might not knew me well enough), is a bliss. the truth is, your life can not be stagnant. at some point, there must be obstacles and problems to solve and overcome.

i may not tell everything about what happened, here, like i used to. which explains why my entries became shorter compared to the heydays where every detail was described, like reading a book. the other reason is i am damn lazy too busy to sit down and type.

a friend of mine changed course from applied sciences to chemical engineering. she had to adhere to another 4 years of mental torture. she had guts, that girl. save my precious soul, i only have 2 years to go. gone through 2 semesters, i hardly can pick myself up from the big, drastic blow. it was, well i am still adapting to the lonely surroundings.

and i'd be 24, then when i grad? eh, i feel old already. then came the chapter of paying up the spent loans, eh that should be after securing a job. zura talked me into applying for manager at makan place when i can't find a job, then. yea, then azimah and you are already comfy at the top being second asst., while i screwed up when interviewed by sofiah the h.r director and sucked doing o.j.e. just to be stuck being a plain f.m.? err... i'd rather be a crew hahahaha while finding other suitable job.

next chapter, kahwin. eh no, that'd be after i got a car and a house which would be loooong after i'm stable enough lonnnnnng after i'd secure a job loooooonnng after i could find one loooooonnggg after i grad. errr... it will be long enough before you can expect to receive kad merah of my wedding reception because i think by the time i got a car and a house, i'd have trouble to find a guy to screw marry. except being the second if you're lucky, not so lucky the third and luckiest/most unfortunate the fourth. hah!

if i'd have no luck in the marriage chapter, i'd marry my work. being a workaholic and expand my empire. or maybe i can continue my studies, get a phD and adopt a baby like angelina jolie did. get involved in charities, chewaahhh. instead of moping why-i-am-still-single thang. woot!

enough of this dreaming. i still have the tests this week. i'm just... duped.

hari berkaseh dan sayang

current y! status: left outside alone
thinking of: my jammed line of tests next week. *argh*

yesterday, for whomever failed to notice especially those singles, was valentine's day. a day of flowers (read: red roses) and chocolates (read: fererro rocher). a day being a florist in a quiet downtown isn't bad at all. oh, this is not an entry of mushy lovey dovey stuff oh-how-i-spent-this-year's-val's with my darlingest boyfriend. not because i'm still single for another consecutive valentine (hahaha) or that i worked at makan place yesterday.

last year's val's, i gave a guy a rose. i only found out that it was the biggest guy's turn-offs yesterday. a year later. but even without that innocent heartfelt token, things wouldn't have worked between us anyway. also last year, i went to a florist with 2 friends and found out a plain stalk of rose costed 230% dearer than normal days? wtf? this was a day of "take it or leave it. i won't regret losing a kedekut customer like you" hahaha.

i came across a forum discussing about v-day. there was this guy complaining about the unbelievable expensive roses and such. but thankful that the wife he married, though sentimental, didn't care about v-day. a particular woman commented, "oh come on guys, we sucked your wangs, just buy that damn roses and chocs, you cheap bastard."

a friend of mine also became a victim of this evil scheme. just because his ex complained he NEVER give her flowers. i mean, ok, once in a while, a girl welcomes flowers. but i didn't think one could actually complain about that. flowers die. i'd rather have my stomach full and be happy than be happy and left with flowers that are going to die anyway and empty stomach. err... maybe not with the fererro and flower bouquet. ha!

to think beyond the history of v-day, is not within my little mind. i dislike history (i don't have to take titas this sem. SUPER YEAY!!!). but being on the safe side, it was a day couples all over the world share something in common. hmmm.... something to ponder about.

yesterday, i worked thinking about the same day of last year. when i used to be so in love with the wrong guy.....

of hectic week and holiday

the last week had been hectic. dealing with emotions, people and myself.

i know how to deal with myself. even with what the asshole scoundrel did to me, i did not break down and cry the world is over. i've got more in my head than to let that little unfortunate encounter bother me.

but i did when it comes to friendships. we understood each other, what we are, so why shunning me away when you can't handle the mean teasings? i thought we are supposed to face this together. you know no matter what, i will be there. what we have is beautiful, i could cry a river for the pure intentions. but i'm glad we settled the misunderstandings.

oh, and a friend said more than 3 times in a long conversation, that i've changed. yes, maybe i did. hopefully changing to better, even not the best.

indefinite

i'll be having my first micro-p test tonight. it scares me, a lot. not because it is an open-book test (which meant the questions will be extra harder) or the fact that this is a dreaded subject. it is because the subject is my favourite. and i'm scared not being able to answer.

i'll not be able to write often, this keyboard kills me. and the cpu made my blood pressure go a notch higher. by the way, i'm online from my sister's pc. being in this condition taught me, my dear own battered pc, i won't replace what you're built from, unless i bought a new one. hahaha.


err... i badly need a hug and a smile. anyone?

birthday wish!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO:


...OMAR KHAYAM...

*slurp*

current y! status: numa numa iei, numa numa iei
thinking of: the things that lead to this uneasiness

i am sick. not that sickly sick. just plain s.i.ck. where i wished i can stuff tampon up my nostrils or screw a pipe into it. where i would bang my head on the wall if that would take the pain away. where i would drown myself in arctic if that could cool the body. the thing is, none of that would work before i'd kill myself doing it. so, i'd have to cope with the pleasure of eating taken away from me.

i am worried about my micro-p subject. when i took the subject during diploma, the chip used was intel 8085. now the chip that will chip off the a's and b's and barely c's leaving only d's and e's for a grade is motorola 68000. well, luck wasn't really on my side this semester. i still have have to take titas and managing a new chip in a subject dreaded by electronics students apart from electromagnetic subject. and? have to study harder, as i kept falling asleep in class haha.

this semester is an eye opener for na and me. we mixed with new friends, meeting each other only in class and be partners for 2 out of 5 lab subjects. i am more comfortable but at the same time, have to work harder to catch up with the workload as now i am alone in dealing with the individual assignments. lucky i have the ever-supportive ling and choon. =D

life has been hectic. and now i have to suffer be responsible living as an adult. with the long list of bills to settle, *sobs* what can i actually afford when mcd141 will be available?'

p/s: happy birthday to mrs hafiz. first birthday as newlyweds eh? eh, jangan wat² lupe plak pasal ko nye reception :p.

i will be light.

current y! status: .feverish.
thinking of: can't think of anything

today is my baby bro's birthday. happy birthday, sweetie. he officially turns 4 today. *mwahx*



i don't feel too well these past few days. but yesterday was full of incidents that made me laugh so hard and cried harder. the latter was caused by a customer yang cibai nak mampus who demand for a menu card when i refused to give him. i was so fumed with anger when he showed his middle finger, his shouts of "kepala bapak ko la. aku benci tengok muka ko. ko pegi suruh orang lain amik order la!" to retort me. now, how was that?

the facts:

* drive-thru customers should not be provided with a menu as there were menu displays along the lane which they should give attention to instead of driving very fast and demanding for one at the order-booth.
* drive-thrus are meant for customers who knew their mcdonald's menu. if they are not, they are welcomed to dine-in with the friendlier greets and smiles of the counter crews who'd be more than willing to help with a menu.
* drive-thrus are for people in a hurry. they don't pay to get stuck in a long line of cars of which one of them was shouting for a menu to order from.
* we know you paid for excellent service but please, make our job easier to serve you in a fast but friendly manner. you are not our only customer to attend to.

so, next time use your head not your ass or your dick to order.

oh, and a belated one to ramli, too. he turned 24 yesterday and sorry, yesterday was my sweet revenge. i felt like frying you up yesterday considering the eggs and the flour you were coated with, hahahaha!

=) .... =( .... >=)

current y! status: no matter what, i'll be there
thinking of: uh, tomorrow's presentation

i should thank a friend. for making me realize that there's still someone out there who cares. who actually give a damn about what i feel. who treasures the friendship. who finds my calls and attention something to look forward to.

the brief hiatus showed me that.

Who for You - Pete Teo

If I could paint a sad goodbye
I’d paint your eyes a clear blue sky
Pluck you grace from a pale-faced moon
And slumber down this tattered room

If I could find an amber train
Lord I’d ride it to the bitter end
Passing hope in the summer bloom
Passing dreams and a fading tune

If I should stray amid crimson rose
Whither angels on wings of gold?
Who for flowers in the month of May?
Who for you on your winter’s day?
Who for flowers in the month of May?
Who for you?

from OST Gubra.

unintended posts.. edited..

backdated entries written offline....

september 21st, 2005

....and she cries, cries and cries her heart out. coz she knew, no one understands her. no one would. as the tears rolled by, she realized she's so alone, with no one to support her, or cheer her back....

i'm so touchy ever since. even the slightest slack would make me sad. it all started since that fateful day.

i wouldn't feel sad if it isn't true. i wouldn't lie to you about that. i wouldn't feel sad to let go if it isn't true. i assure you that. with all conscience, i will let go only if one of us found our significant other. then i'd rest. i'd rest my long-needed rest.

i know i did wrong to you. but it wasn't right of you to treat me like what you did; you came so close only to go far away. i didn't ask for more, coz what we had was beautiful. and i admit, i backed out, it was for her. i couldn't live with the thought my boyfriend's befriending my classmate, so i thought she'd think. though we were friends long before that. i just couldn't stand how much in love she was. it was a favour for a friend. then it came as a blow when you dug up what i've long buried. so sad, i felt angry. now, it feels funny when you just don't care. get hitched, then i'll shut up.

i am sorry to come like a whirlwind. spinning your world upside down and *poof* just like that. you're too nice. i'm not your type, you're not mine either. so, i'll pray for your good-being. i am not what you've seen. it's much more complicated. and please, forget me.

we complement each other well. why didn't i get rid of it like the many times you've broken my heart? you come, take my breath away and gone with the wind. how many times you tried to deceive me and failed? we've known each other too long. as time goes by, we'd keep each other's back. all we have is each other. your friendship meant something to me.

i treated you nice and all i get back is brotherly manner. if beauty is your priority, can't do anything about it. you're getting older and i wonder would she commit to you with the attitude you're showing? you're mature enough, but still a kid at heart who needs pampering. shocked? trust me, you'll suffer if you chose wrong.

i think i like you. and if we're given a chance, we might just hit it off. why are you treating me like you wanted more, but hold it off? anyways, i enjoy your company. it's not every time i get to talk to guys about my childhood *winks*.

you stole my heart and kept it nowhere within my reach. now you're gone. how am i suppose to keep going without a single word of you? come back. we'll see how far this goes.

i like the way you make me feel. i like the way you want to talk to me. i like the way you are. let's keep things this way. no heart feelings.

you are the most special person in my life. we've been through so much together and i respect you for that. i'm glad she did this to you coz you're able to be by my side now. i love everything about you. oh yea, the blue winston i've dumped by the back-sink. :P

which one is my boyfriend or ex? none! i have so much in my hands that handling a boyfriend would be a task too hard.

august 11th, 2005

it was 7 in the morning. what i'm doing this early? finishing my progress report. mad's gonna pick it up soon for our presentation at 10.

they say: you can love anyone. but you can't miss just anyone because you can only miss that particular someone you love.

i say: eh? how come? i missed someone so badly, then i realize i didn't love him at all?

they say: the pain to miss someone is unbearable. it made you hard to breathe like the feeling your life had to be taken away.

i say: it is bearable. i'm still breathing and have no intention to kill myself.

it has been a month. i'm counting down the days to a hopeful bliss.


july 28th, 2005

my convocation day will be the day after tomorrow. i feel excited. not because i spent A LOT on my dress which thankfully turned out fine. it was for the hardships, tears, laughter, agony all rolled into one period of three years. i made it here. though my results weren't something i should be proud of. hahaha!

anyways, my batch would be the first batch to graduate. we're still yet to have our own great hall, but seri negeri is a place fit for VVIPs, so i guess having our convocation there would be okay. i'm going to get my dee eye pee elle oh emm eh. i'm going to wear the precious robe and the mottar board i've seen in graduations on tv.

the convo fest has already started today. a book that was penned by my ex-school's headmistress caught my eye. coz that book is the tears and joy of my mom. the author told the ups and downs of helming a school and a blossoming sister-like relationship with a wonderful woman: my beloved mother...

edited: dah malas nak tulis dah time nih


july 27th, 2005

it has been so long. sometimes i wonder, where this knack for writing went to. the burning desire to let the world know about what i felt. and as time slips by, i understand that some of what i've experienced these past few months i'm gone, may be too private for my loyal readers.

so, between the times i could let myself to write, i will just update you guys with what has happened to me.

i am back at the same college. got it through direct-entry. so i'm in second year now taking electronics majoring in computer engineering. i keep to myself all the time if i'm not seen talking with my diploma classmates or na. na is the only fragment of yesteryear who took the same course with me. and mad, mat, hanafe and amri.

my new classmates see me as an arrogant, withdrawn, speak only to hammer people with dreadful questions. it was hard to blend in with kids. kids that thought they knew the world more than you.

these past 3 months, i've stopped writing because i lost access to streamyx and i just don't have the time to go to a decent cyber cafe. and the fact that i am alive for the day to work. i still haunt makan place. love the place, love the people there.

by the way him is history. i have new kid on the block. yupe. i emphasize on the word kid. but he's gone away now. i'll have to make do for at least 4 months while he's on training. that is if he still remembers me, then.

the nothingness

current y! status: woke up from the wrong side of the bed
thinking of: nothing

been browsing around. i am ashamed to say that this place nearly turning two (with the exception of the 9-month-hiatus, so that makes it a year and 2 months?) boasts nothing of the professionalism or the matured words of an adult. oh i forgot. this is the place where i retire of being the macho girl, where i knocked myself silly, writing about what happened in a kid's view.

i sounded much mature in the times before the hiatus. i'm still finding my rhythm. i loved writing. but it gets me that i've had the chances to polish the rusty vocabs.

i want to watch gubra.

just so you know, no matter what i will be there.

as we go on...

current y! status: how beautiful u are.. the fullest mirror of all... shining m00n.
thinking of: how so merepek i can be when it comes to ym status. duh!

i was amused that i got this far. enjoyed the hell out of my diploma years while trying not get kicked out of school. now, at the stage that i am, doing the things i love, be myself, i am surprised that things could actually go the way i wanted. well, maybe not all but surely not this one...

it is not easy to tell myself that we won't be like we used to. that you and i would be so close, yet so far. i used to think that i'd feel jealous when you will have a girlfriend. i am jealous except not because you have a girlfriend, i doubt that except you hide those kind of things from me. i don't mind if you spend your free time with the guys, all i need is your smile. the smile that soothed me. the smile that tells me, it's alright, you're there smiling for me. i felt distant. i am tired of trying to keep this ship afloat. it's your turn, if you ever have the heart to sail it with me.

tell me best-friend, was i ever there?

summary of...

current y! status: ...just don't make me regret the things you talked me into...
thinking of: how am supposed to go to work in this rain?

thursday: one of the scariest+happiest day of my legal life. had to attend an early morning class at my main campus which thankfully was closer to the heart than the hostel by a difference of 5-8mins depending on the speed. my brothers had used up to the last drop of gas and i was lazy to fill it up forgot to ask them. while i was filling the tank, i saw a guy checking me out from his waja. i just ignored him sebab dia tak hensem dan bawak waja je and rode away.

i had to use this deserted road to class when i noticed THAT particular waja following me from behind. then he overtook me but then he was slowing down. when i got nearer to his window, he banged his horn for my attention. when he got it, he actually asked for my phone number. i couldn't help being ignorant coz it was a normal gesture when i am with my girlie friends. NOT when i'm alone. then he started freaking me out by banging his horn again and again.

the adventure is cut short. he kept following me and i was riding at top speed praying that i didn't get to slide or collide or lose control. imagine you're being followed by a stranger in a deserted road asking for your phone number and you're on a bike, in a baju kurung riding at top speed in terror for 15 full minutes. maybe i was paranoid. but with all the adventures with zura which thankfully we managed to get out of, i didn't dare risk anything. i arrived safely though. i will NEVER ever forget that idiot and his car.

that night went to watch baik punya cilok with zura, azimah, papai, ramli and fazik. the enam jahanam 6 of us sat two row from the screen. my mother was skeptical of the movie, though all of us got out in stitches. well, she just couldn't understand what was going on with the world. it's gonna be our time then, mother. don't worry too much.

oh, then we hung-out at my favourite place. the first time of 6 of us and more than one hour. the thought of lepaking with them warmed me. guys, you rock!

friday: went to class and work. sleep.
saturday: nothing. lazing around and work. sleep.

sunday: thinking of whether i should move in or stay out? the differences are:

if i moved in:
- i'd be too lazy
- no internet from my pc
- wake up early
- waste money on fuel and horrible food
- sleep induced
- i'd be fit coz my room is on 3rd floor

if i stay out
- i'd still be lazy though i'd finish assignments on my own
- broadband, babe!
- wake up on time
- still waste money on fuel, though slightly cheaper
- time with family chewaaahh!
- i'd still have to pay for room rental coz 1st and 2nd yr students are compulsory to pay live in the hostel

my solution: i'd stay at home and only goes to the hostel when the need arises. =p

oh. i'm feeling like a friend felt. when he was somewhere else.

a nu skin?

current y! status: mr navy. mr navy. mr navy.
thinking of: my jakunness over this newly reinstalled connection.

oh. i gave the blog a new makeover. a long deserved one. byebye speechless angel.

i hated going to the cinema at short notice. that meant i have to queue silly over a long line of couples, families watever. i prefer to book in advance, whether through my bro's dG's convenience (my maXis still don't have gsc in their booking line) or through the net. not through the phone line save me! even when it wasn't the school holidays, or weekends. i prefer to be comfortable.

but one fateful day, when i didn't have the luxury of the blessed connection and my bro ran out of credit, i didn't have much of a choice. we arrived later than the screening time and we(read: me, azimah, popai and yusri) were facing an eternal line of movie-goers. azimah saved the day with being the muka-tak-malu by asking a guy to buy tickets for us. the embarassment didn't end there. we didn't manage to get good seats together. i end up sitting a 2-line from the screen seat without knowing, that seat was booked by a family until the ticket guy proved it, chey. had to shift seats again. all of this going on when the movie was already reeling. chist. i got a seat beside a kid who kept looking at me when there were touchy scenes in the movie. haiya. nak nangis lelebih pun kene cover. oh, the movie was king kong.

tomorrow, gonna watch either baik punya cilok or castello. had it from ramli : bukan ke ko tak tengok cite melayu kat wayang? hmm, the reason depends on who's asking. i mean, i don't care to watch any movie as long as i'm with those guys. the quality time spent together hahaha!

i believe in you. even when there are 1000 reasons not to. savour the taste of a true friendship.

another hiatus, maybe?

current y! status: was my wait worth all the time i wasted?
thinking of: finally.... i got online with this connection

when you longed for something for as long as you can remember, when it finally materialized, you got tired of it.... not?? well, that wasn't what happened to me. to be stuck waiting forever is something, to not know when he will come back is something else.

it was just another typical working night when i noticed somebody had been trying to reach me. the other side sounded familiar when the line was abruptly disconnected.

it was him. the scene after that was too shameful to explain here as that was not the me my friends were familiar with. *blushes* anyways, it's good to have him back.

i'm tired of studying. i want to end the endless lectures, labs, EXAMS!!!!!! hmmm, but i didn't turn out so bad last semester hehe. uh well, come to think of it, i only have another 1 and a half years of this painful routine and 6months of industrial training. then i can forget about studies. at least for some time.