for the love of...

today's smileys



today kerja. we're the only office with all of the staffs working. heheh, not really working. just chats and blogs for me. the boss showed up early morning and has been gone since.

i don't feel really well coz a bad sore-throat, headaches and stomach cramps. i don't have any idea why. and i couldn't feel a thing. blur. and so numb.

i called a friend last night. he started on the issue that i hated coz we've been talking about this last time and it ended with his infamous "suka hati lah, ain!". this time, he brought the issue up of hitting the line with one of our friends. that this guy looked so cute, so jambu and if he's a girl, he'd fall head over heels. ok la, i admit i used to have the wiggly-feeling of crush a looooong time ago for that guy but it's over. and we've promised each other that we're mere friends whatever our friends said of our closeness.

and then his idea was that i am perfectly matched with this guy, both are bespectacled and our names even rhymed together. oh, that was so lame. let me tell you this clearly, i AM not interested. he had his one year chance after his break up with his girl and he didn't do anything. i looked forward to seeing him, spending time with him but we shared just that, nothing else. we bonded together as friends and i'm happy that we're able to look out for each other.

the fact that i still have this love? for that friend hahaha. i guess he wouldn't be able to change that unless he wanted to pair me up with rob *lol*. i've learnt that when you can't have what you love, the love itself made me satisfied even to love from afar. so, stop being the match-maker for me. just let me be with this feeling okay, even if i can't be with you. (wahahaha, that sounded so gay! yeech!). i know that he felt guilty about it some time that he wouldn't be able to return what i've felt for him, but i wasn't hoping for this. i love when i want to and when my heart says it want to. but right now even if it's not full, the heart doesn't even skipped a beat when this supposedly guy's name is mentioned. no chemistry, no nothing. enough about that.

ah, this reminds me of joe. four months of being single, well this last relationship didn't sound like any 'normal' ones anyway. i think i managed fine now, without a boy-friend, so why spend the headache when i don't have any particular purpose for that? it stirs when i'm alone but as long as i'm occupied, i don't have time for this.

i'm off. got a gen-2 to test-drive yeay!