delirious

current y! status : all i wanted to say was... *sighs* do you even see me here?
thinking of : another 5 days...

i spent 2 hours of my life today riding my ol' trusty bike to main camp, home and back again. been missing my naughty baby. it touched me when he knew i was going back, he'd ask "kak long, nak salam" and he'd salam cium tangan. very the touching that he didn't fail to do that everytime i went off to ride back. maybe it was the effect of him seeing me did the same thing to my mom. he's growing into a healthy baby with very bad tantrums knowing everybody will give in considering he's the youngest. iskkk, mak nak balikkkkkkkk!

been rushing to send my upu applications. the verification blabla they even bothered to ask for the parents' birth certs. considering the many indons here. hmmm...

it was just isn't fun going to work nowadays. my constant fights with popai, my cold war with kasman (who made that face when i was still nice?), vicky's fired, cassandra resigned and zura continued study, it wasn't the same without these people. these people i've grown accustomed with. these people i've known to be fond with. it's hard to start from a again when you're already halfway. *sighs* it is so hard without zura. i'm trying to cope but the only thing that made me cheer up to go to work is him but he only works opening shift and it is almost impossible to see him working closing shift.

speaking of him i think, i'd just leave it to time. not that i don't want to fight but let things settled first. this is so getting serious as tears talked. i'm tired. tired of being the one. tired of feeling helpless. tired of not be able to let go.

please, don't let me go back to that time. don't let me give in. don't let me live THAT life again.

though he may have shunned any other thoughts, deep etched down a name i won't be able to get off, a name so powerful that i acquire my strengths from. kyle......