of secret love affairs

current y! status: cerita kau... dan aku
thinking of: my jammed line of reports and tests next week. oh, last week's? all postponed next week, shit!

2 of my diploma ex-classmates got hooked secretly. without most of us knowing it, err.. well, those who're lazy to check out their fs including me. so in love, made me remember about the controversial squabble i had with the girl while in 2nd year, hehe. and the suspicious inseparable lovebirds during convocation. well guys, i'm happy for both of you. bile nak makan nasi minyak weh? =p

some relationship touched me, while others made me think they should have a world of their own because of the *yeech* lovey dovey stuff. i'm not anti those stuffs, but can't you keep it just between both of you, please? the world will cheer if you guys didn't make it to the wedding arch, cheyy!

anyways, i'm going for late closing, later. my first time. looking forward to it. with auntie, how lucky can i be? hopefully she will not object to me, studying after finishing the other works.

thinking of my particular. how he knew my ups and downs, me the cold to me the bright. how i treasure him, with all my soul. if our paths aren't going the same way, i'll always be here, praying for your ever happiness. heeeee. =p

of pet sis and classmate

thinking of: nada. my brain is resting.

back in high-skool, i used to be so popular. apart from being a teacher's daughter, i was the assembly's emcee, the ever arrogant prefect. who hadn't heard of me must have been living in a different dimension. hey, this is not the place where only pretty girls get the limelight, ok?

and being popular doesn't mean you are well-liked. who cares? i didn't ask for it. one of the 'in-things' those days was having a pet bro or sis. they even had the term break/clash when the two didn't get along anymore. hah!

so, getting on with the flow, one freshie caught my eye. let's name her, mim. she looked a lot like one of my closest friend at that time. well, i just wanted to be friends. she took it a level higher.

being a senior, i didn't really get on with the form 4 juniors, including this one particular girl, jay. after mim took the missing cue, i found out, she was jay's, too. err.. as i didn't mean to kacau someone else's pet sis (at that time, you weren't allowed to have more than one sis at the same place), i just leave it at that and letting mim know that this was only between us and our middle-girl.

mim was so rajin to send me those beautifully hand-crafted cards, which i painfully ignored. i just didn't want to get her high on hopes. i didn't even bid her goodbye when i left school. i didn't want jay to know. but i have a picture of mim of which i asked from my fren, as that was a pic of mim with her pet sis.

i didn't contact her when i left school. until this one particular outing my mom forced me to go which was organized by the school's puterians. mim was there. i thought it was her, but when i looked again, it was someone else. until she came and said hi. she was all grown-up, then. we didn't talk much. that was the last time i saw her.

when i was in my final year, i noticed a familiar name in a class i planned to further my studies. it was jay. and it wasn't a nice feeling. i had to be in the same class with jay.

so, being in the same class wasn't hard when u only see each other during lectures, until my lecturer pre-selected names and divided groups according to the names list. guess what? jay and i were partners. i acted professional for the sake of the subject and avoided her anytime else.

another blow came when this guy i like to be friends with in the new class, was her boyfriend. i just have to accept the fact that jay and i were going to cross paths, this way or that way, any way.

so, jay, even if your boyfriend is my good friend, i don't have to like you, or try to. let our paths cross, like i'd cared. i'd attend his wedding, even if his bride is you but don't ask me to like you. and i do understand that you won't like me, either, so be it. i'd mess with some of the persons in your life including one of the most important ones, but please, i won't steal him. stop looking at me and blaming me that i poisoned his mind. i did, but not in the ways you expect me to.

p/s: i rambled a lot these days. pardon me and my loose self.

of lucky and future plans

kukatakan dengan indah
dengan terbuka
hatiku hampa
sepertinya luka
menghampirinya

kau beri rasa
yg berbeda
mungkin kusalah
mengartikannya
yang kurasa cinta

tetapi hatiku
selalu meninggikanmu
terlalu meninggikanmu
selalu meninggikanmu

kau hancurkan hatiku
hancurkan lagi
kau hancurkan hatiku
tuk melihatmu

kau terangi jiwaku
kau redupkan lagih
kau hancurkan hatiku
tuk melihatmu

membuatku terjatuh
dan terjatuh lagi

membuatku merasakan
yang tlah terjadi
semua yang terbaik
dan terlewati
semua yang terhenti
tanpa kuakhiri

kukatakan dengan indah - peterpan

some people can be so lucky. i am luckier than some other people may think. to have a quiet life (for those of you who might not knew me well enough), is a bliss. the truth is, your life can not be stagnant. at some point, there must be obstacles and problems to solve and overcome.

i may not tell everything about what happened, here, like i used to. which explains why my entries became shorter compared to the heydays where every detail was described, like reading a book. the other reason is i am damn lazy too busy to sit down and type.

a friend of mine changed course from applied sciences to chemical engineering. she had to adhere to another 4 years of mental torture. she had guts, that girl. save my precious soul, i only have 2 years to go. gone through 2 semesters, i hardly can pick myself up from the big, drastic blow. it was, well i am still adapting to the lonely surroundings.

and i'd be 24, then when i grad? eh, i feel old already. then came the chapter of paying up the spent loans, eh that should be after securing a job. zura talked me into applying for manager at makan place when i can't find a job, then. yea, then azimah and you are already comfy at the top being second asst., while i screwed up when interviewed by sofiah the h.r director and sucked doing o.j.e. just to be stuck being a plain f.m.? err... i'd rather be a crew hahahaha while finding other suitable job.

next chapter, kahwin. eh no, that'd be after i got a car and a house which would be loooong after i'm stable enough lonnnnnng after i'd secure a job loooooonnng after i could find one loooooonnggg after i grad. errr... it will be long enough before you can expect to receive kad merah of my wedding reception because i think by the time i got a car and a house, i'd have trouble to find a guy to screw marry. except being the second if you're lucky, not so lucky the third and luckiest/most unfortunate the fourth. hah!

if i'd have no luck in the marriage chapter, i'd marry my work. being a workaholic and expand my empire. or maybe i can continue my studies, get a phD and adopt a baby like angelina jolie did. get involved in charities, chewaahhh. instead of moping why-i-am-still-single thang. woot!

enough of this dreaming. i still have the tests this week. i'm just... duped.

hari berkaseh dan sayang

current y! status: left outside alone
thinking of: my jammed line of tests next week. *argh*

yesterday, for whomever failed to notice especially those singles, was valentine's day. a day of flowers (read: red roses) and chocolates (read: fererro rocher). a day being a florist in a quiet downtown isn't bad at all. oh, this is not an entry of mushy lovey dovey stuff oh-how-i-spent-this-year's-val's with my darlingest boyfriend. not because i'm still single for another consecutive valentine (hahaha) or that i worked at makan place yesterday.

last year's val's, i gave a guy a rose. i only found out that it was the biggest guy's turn-offs yesterday. a year later. but even without that innocent heartfelt token, things wouldn't have worked between us anyway. also last year, i went to a florist with 2 friends and found out a plain stalk of rose costed 230% dearer than normal days? wtf? this was a day of "take it or leave it. i won't regret losing a kedekut customer like you" hahaha.

i came across a forum discussing about v-day. there was this guy complaining about the unbelievable expensive roses and such. but thankful that the wife he married, though sentimental, didn't care about v-day. a particular woman commented, "oh come on guys, we sucked your wangs, just buy that damn roses and chocs, you cheap bastard."

a friend of mine also became a victim of this evil scheme. just because his ex complained he NEVER give her flowers. i mean, ok, once in a while, a girl welcomes flowers. but i didn't think one could actually complain about that. flowers die. i'd rather have my stomach full and be happy than be happy and left with flowers that are going to die anyway and empty stomach. err... maybe not with the fererro and flower bouquet. ha!

to think beyond the history of v-day, is not within my little mind. i dislike history (i don't have to take titas this sem. SUPER YEAY!!!). but being on the safe side, it was a day couples all over the world share something in common. hmmm.... something to ponder about.

yesterday, i worked thinking about the same day of last year. when i used to be so in love with the wrong guy.....

of hectic week and holiday

the last week had been hectic. dealing with emotions, people and myself.

i know how to deal with myself. even with what the asshole scoundrel did to me, i did not break down and cry the world is over. i've got more in my head than to let that little unfortunate encounter bother me.

but i did when it comes to friendships. we understood each other, what we are, so why shunning me away when you can't handle the mean teasings? i thought we are supposed to face this together. you know no matter what, i will be there. what we have is beautiful, i could cry a river for the pure intentions. but i'm glad we settled the misunderstandings.

oh, and a friend said more than 3 times in a long conversation, that i've changed. yes, maybe i did. hopefully changing to better, even not the best.

indefinite

i'll be having my first micro-p test tonight. it scares me, a lot. not because it is an open-book test (which meant the questions will be extra harder) or the fact that this is a dreaded subject. it is because the subject is my favourite. and i'm scared not being able to answer.

i'll not be able to write often, this keyboard kills me. and the cpu made my blood pressure go a notch higher. by the way, i'm online from my sister's pc. being in this condition taught me, my dear own battered pc, i won't replace what you're built from, unless i bought a new one. hahaha.


err... i badly need a hug and a smile. anyone?