birthday wish!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO:


...OMAR KHAYAM...

*slurp*

current y! status: numa numa iei, numa numa iei
thinking of: the things that lead to this uneasiness

i am sick. not that sickly sick. just plain s.i.ck. where i wished i can stuff tampon up my nostrils or screw a pipe into it. where i would bang my head on the wall if that would take the pain away. where i would drown myself in arctic if that could cool the body. the thing is, none of that would work before i'd kill myself doing it. so, i'd have to cope with the pleasure of eating taken away from me.

i am worried about my micro-p subject. when i took the subject during diploma, the chip used was intel 8085. now the chip that will chip off the a's and b's and barely c's leaving only d's and e's for a grade is motorola 68000. well, luck wasn't really on my side this semester. i still have have to take titas and managing a new chip in a subject dreaded by electronics students apart from electromagnetic subject. and? have to study harder, as i kept falling asleep in class haha.

this semester is an eye opener for na and me. we mixed with new friends, meeting each other only in class and be partners for 2 out of 5 lab subjects. i am more comfortable but at the same time, have to work harder to catch up with the workload as now i am alone in dealing with the individual assignments. lucky i have the ever-supportive ling and choon. =D

life has been hectic. and now i have to suffer be responsible living as an adult. with the long list of bills to settle, *sobs* what can i actually afford when mcd141 will be available?'

p/s: happy birthday to mrs hafiz. first birthday as newlyweds eh? eh, jangan wat² lupe plak pasal ko nye reception :p.

i will be light.

current y! status: .feverish.
thinking of: can't think of anything

today is my baby bro's birthday. happy birthday, sweetie. he officially turns 4 today. *mwahx*



i don't feel too well these past few days. but yesterday was full of incidents that made me laugh so hard and cried harder. the latter was caused by a customer yang cibai nak mampus who demand for a menu card when i refused to give him. i was so fumed with anger when he showed his middle finger, his shouts of "kepala bapak ko la. aku benci tengok muka ko. ko pegi suruh orang lain amik order la!" to retort me. now, how was that?

the facts:

* drive-thru customers should not be provided with a menu as there were menu displays along the lane which they should give attention to instead of driving very fast and demanding for one at the order-booth.
* drive-thrus are meant for customers who knew their mcdonald's menu. if they are not, they are welcomed to dine-in with the friendlier greets and smiles of the counter crews who'd be more than willing to help with a menu.
* drive-thrus are for people in a hurry. they don't pay to get stuck in a long line of cars of which one of them was shouting for a menu to order from.
* we know you paid for excellent service but please, make our job easier to serve you in a fast but friendly manner. you are not our only customer to attend to.

so, next time use your head not your ass or your dick to order.

oh, and a belated one to ramli, too. he turned 24 yesterday and sorry, yesterday was my sweet revenge. i felt like frying you up yesterday considering the eggs and the flour you were coated with, hahahaha!

=) .... =( .... >=)

current y! status: no matter what, i'll be there
thinking of: uh, tomorrow's presentation

i should thank a friend. for making me realize that there's still someone out there who cares. who actually give a damn about what i feel. who treasures the friendship. who finds my calls and attention something to look forward to.

the brief hiatus showed me that.

Who for You - Pete Teo

If I could paint a sad goodbye
I’d paint your eyes a clear blue sky
Pluck you grace from a pale-faced moon
And slumber down this tattered room

If I could find an amber train
Lord I’d ride it to the bitter end
Passing hope in the summer bloom
Passing dreams and a fading tune

If I should stray amid crimson rose
Whither angels on wings of gold?
Who for flowers in the month of May?
Who for you on your winter’s day?
Who for flowers in the month of May?
Who for you?

from OST Gubra.

unintended posts.. edited..

backdated entries written offline....

september 21st, 2005

....and she cries, cries and cries her heart out. coz she knew, no one understands her. no one would. as the tears rolled by, she realized she's so alone, with no one to support her, or cheer her back....

i'm so touchy ever since. even the slightest slack would make me sad. it all started since that fateful day.

i wouldn't feel sad if it isn't true. i wouldn't lie to you about that. i wouldn't feel sad to let go if it isn't true. i assure you that. with all conscience, i will let go only if one of us found our significant other. then i'd rest. i'd rest my long-needed rest.

i know i did wrong to you. but it wasn't right of you to treat me like what you did; you came so close only to go far away. i didn't ask for more, coz what we had was beautiful. and i admit, i backed out, it was for her. i couldn't live with the thought my boyfriend's befriending my classmate, so i thought she'd think. though we were friends long before that. i just couldn't stand how much in love she was. it was a favour for a friend. then it came as a blow when you dug up what i've long buried. so sad, i felt angry. now, it feels funny when you just don't care. get hitched, then i'll shut up.

i am sorry to come like a whirlwind. spinning your world upside down and *poof* just like that. you're too nice. i'm not your type, you're not mine either. so, i'll pray for your good-being. i am not what you've seen. it's much more complicated. and please, forget me.

we complement each other well. why didn't i get rid of it like the many times you've broken my heart? you come, take my breath away and gone with the wind. how many times you tried to deceive me and failed? we've known each other too long. as time goes by, we'd keep each other's back. all we have is each other. your friendship meant something to me.

i treated you nice and all i get back is brotherly manner. if beauty is your priority, can't do anything about it. you're getting older and i wonder would she commit to you with the attitude you're showing? you're mature enough, but still a kid at heart who needs pampering. shocked? trust me, you'll suffer if you chose wrong.

i think i like you. and if we're given a chance, we might just hit it off. why are you treating me like you wanted more, but hold it off? anyways, i enjoy your company. it's not every time i get to talk to guys about my childhood *winks*.

you stole my heart and kept it nowhere within my reach. now you're gone. how am i suppose to keep going without a single word of you? come back. we'll see how far this goes.

i like the way you make me feel. i like the way you want to talk to me. i like the way you are. let's keep things this way. no heart feelings.

you are the most special person in my life. we've been through so much together and i respect you for that. i'm glad she did this to you coz you're able to be by my side now. i love everything about you. oh yea, the blue winston i've dumped by the back-sink. :P

which one is my boyfriend or ex? none! i have so much in my hands that handling a boyfriend would be a task too hard.

august 11th, 2005

it was 7 in the morning. what i'm doing this early? finishing my progress report. mad's gonna pick it up soon for our presentation at 10.

they say: you can love anyone. but you can't miss just anyone because you can only miss that particular someone you love.

i say: eh? how come? i missed someone so badly, then i realize i didn't love him at all?

they say: the pain to miss someone is unbearable. it made you hard to breathe like the feeling your life had to be taken away.

i say: it is bearable. i'm still breathing and have no intention to kill myself.

it has been a month. i'm counting down the days to a hopeful bliss.


july 28th, 2005

my convocation day will be the day after tomorrow. i feel excited. not because i spent A LOT on my dress which thankfully turned out fine. it was for the hardships, tears, laughter, agony all rolled into one period of three years. i made it here. though my results weren't something i should be proud of. hahaha!

anyways, my batch would be the first batch to graduate. we're still yet to have our own great hall, but seri negeri is a place fit for VVIPs, so i guess having our convocation there would be okay. i'm going to get my dee eye pee elle oh emm eh. i'm going to wear the precious robe and the mottar board i've seen in graduations on tv.

the convo fest has already started today. a book that was penned by my ex-school's headmistress caught my eye. coz that book is the tears and joy of my mom. the author told the ups and downs of helming a school and a blossoming sister-like relationship with a wonderful woman: my beloved mother...

edited: dah malas nak tulis dah time nih


july 27th, 2005

it has been so long. sometimes i wonder, where this knack for writing went to. the burning desire to let the world know about what i felt. and as time slips by, i understand that some of what i've experienced these past few months i'm gone, may be too private for my loyal readers.

so, between the times i could let myself to write, i will just update you guys with what has happened to me.

i am back at the same college. got it through direct-entry. so i'm in second year now taking electronics majoring in computer engineering. i keep to myself all the time if i'm not seen talking with my diploma classmates or na. na is the only fragment of yesteryear who took the same course with me. and mad, mat, hanafe and amri.

my new classmates see me as an arrogant, withdrawn, speak only to hammer people with dreadful questions. it was hard to blend in with kids. kids that thought they knew the world more than you.

these past 3 months, i've stopped writing because i lost access to streamyx and i just don't have the time to go to a decent cyber cafe. and the fact that i am alive for the day to work. i still haunt makan place. love the place, love the people there.

by the way him is history. i have new kid on the block. yupe. i emphasize on the word kid. but he's gone away now. i'll have to make do for at least 4 months while he's on training. that is if he still remembers me, then.

the nothingness

current y! status: woke up from the wrong side of the bed
thinking of: nothing

been browsing around. i am ashamed to say that this place nearly turning two (with the exception of the 9-month-hiatus, so that makes it a year and 2 months?) boasts nothing of the professionalism or the matured words of an adult. oh i forgot. this is the place where i retire of being the macho girl, where i knocked myself silly, writing about what happened in a kid's view.

i sounded much mature in the times before the hiatus. i'm still finding my rhythm. i loved writing. but it gets me that i've had the chances to polish the rusty vocabs.

i want to watch gubra.

just so you know, no matter what i will be there.

as we go on...

current y! status: how beautiful u are.. the fullest mirror of all... shining m00n.
thinking of: how so merepek i can be when it comes to ym status. duh!

i was amused that i got this far. enjoyed the hell out of my diploma years while trying not get kicked out of school. now, at the stage that i am, doing the things i love, be myself, i am surprised that things could actually go the way i wanted. well, maybe not all but surely not this one...

it is not easy to tell myself that we won't be like we used to. that you and i would be so close, yet so far. i used to think that i'd feel jealous when you will have a girlfriend. i am jealous except not because you have a girlfriend, i doubt that except you hide those kind of things from me. i don't mind if you spend your free time with the guys, all i need is your smile. the smile that soothed me. the smile that tells me, it's alright, you're there smiling for me. i felt distant. i am tired of trying to keep this ship afloat. it's your turn, if you ever have the heart to sail it with me.

tell me best-friend, was i ever there?

summary of...

current y! status: ...just don't make me regret the things you talked me into...
thinking of: how am supposed to go to work in this rain?

thursday: one of the scariest+happiest day of my legal life. had to attend an early morning class at my main campus which thankfully was closer to the heart than the hostel by a difference of 5-8mins depending on the speed. my brothers had used up to the last drop of gas and i was lazy to fill it up forgot to ask them. while i was filling the tank, i saw a guy checking me out from his waja. i just ignored him sebab dia tak hensem dan bawak waja je and rode away.

i had to use this deserted road to class when i noticed THAT particular waja following me from behind. then he overtook me but then he was slowing down. when i got nearer to his window, he banged his horn for my attention. when he got it, he actually asked for my phone number. i couldn't help being ignorant coz it was a normal gesture when i am with my girlie friends. NOT when i'm alone. then he started freaking me out by banging his horn again and again.

the adventure is cut short. he kept following me and i was riding at top speed praying that i didn't get to slide or collide or lose control. imagine you're being followed by a stranger in a deserted road asking for your phone number and you're on a bike, in a baju kurung riding at top speed in terror for 15 full minutes. maybe i was paranoid. but with all the adventures with zura which thankfully we managed to get out of, i didn't dare risk anything. i arrived safely though. i will NEVER ever forget that idiot and his car.

that night went to watch baik punya cilok with zura, azimah, papai, ramli and fazik. the enam jahanam 6 of us sat two row from the screen. my mother was skeptical of the movie, though all of us got out in stitches. well, she just couldn't understand what was going on with the world. it's gonna be our time then, mother. don't worry too much.

oh, then we hung-out at my favourite place. the first time of 6 of us and more than one hour. the thought of lepaking with them warmed me. guys, you rock!

friday: went to class and work. sleep.
saturday: nothing. lazing around and work. sleep.

sunday: thinking of whether i should move in or stay out? the differences are:

if i moved in:
- i'd be too lazy
- no internet from my pc
- wake up early
- waste money on fuel and horrible food
- sleep induced
- i'd be fit coz my room is on 3rd floor

if i stay out
- i'd still be lazy though i'd finish assignments on my own
- broadband, babe!
- wake up on time
- still waste money on fuel, though slightly cheaper
- time with family chewaaahh!
- i'd still have to pay for room rental coz 1st and 2nd yr students are compulsory to pay live in the hostel

my solution: i'd stay at home and only goes to the hostel when the need arises. =p

oh. i'm feeling like a friend felt. when he was somewhere else.

a nu skin?

current y! status: mr navy. mr navy. mr navy.
thinking of: my jakunness over this newly reinstalled connection.

oh. i gave the blog a new makeover. a long deserved one. byebye speechless angel.

i hated going to the cinema at short notice. that meant i have to queue silly over a long line of couples, families watever. i prefer to book in advance, whether through my bro's dG's convenience (my maXis still don't have gsc in their booking line) or through the net. not through the phone line save me! even when it wasn't the school holidays, or weekends. i prefer to be comfortable.

but one fateful day, when i didn't have the luxury of the blessed connection and my bro ran out of credit, i didn't have much of a choice. we arrived later than the screening time and we(read: me, azimah, popai and yusri) were facing an eternal line of movie-goers. azimah saved the day with being the muka-tak-malu by asking a guy to buy tickets for us. the embarassment didn't end there. we didn't manage to get good seats together. i end up sitting a 2-line from the screen seat without knowing, that seat was booked by a family until the ticket guy proved it, chey. had to shift seats again. all of this going on when the movie was already reeling. chist. i got a seat beside a kid who kept looking at me when there were touchy scenes in the movie. haiya. nak nangis lelebih pun kene cover. oh, the movie was king kong.

tomorrow, gonna watch either baik punya cilok or castello. had it from ramli : bukan ke ko tak tengok cite melayu kat wayang? hmm, the reason depends on who's asking. i mean, i don't care to watch any movie as long as i'm with those guys. the quality time spent together hahaha!

i believe in you. even when there are 1000 reasons not to. savour the taste of a true friendship.

another hiatus, maybe?

current y! status: was my wait worth all the time i wasted?
thinking of: finally.... i got online with this connection

when you longed for something for as long as you can remember, when it finally materialized, you got tired of it.... not?? well, that wasn't what happened to me. to be stuck waiting forever is something, to not know when he will come back is something else.

it was just another typical working night when i noticed somebody had been trying to reach me. the other side sounded familiar when the line was abruptly disconnected.

it was him. the scene after that was too shameful to explain here as that was not the me my friends were familiar with. *blushes* anyways, it's good to have him back.

i'm tired of studying. i want to end the endless lectures, labs, EXAMS!!!!!! hmmm, but i didn't turn out so bad last semester hehe. uh well, come to think of it, i only have another 1 and a half years of this painful routine and 6months of industrial training. then i can forget about studies. at least for some time.