eid wishes

may the sacrifices made us ponder,


why are we here in the first place.

b00k summary

i just finished reading eclips3, the third installment in the famous vampire love story twi|ight. i've been having the book for so long, i wonder why i didn't manage to finish this book earlier.

one word. despair.

the book might be monotonous. even during the fight scenes, i didn't feel a slight adventurous mode. maybe it was meant that way.

a few lines that i like:

jake's : "she loves me you know, but she doesn't know it yet"

"it's just too late. he's like a drug to you. i will be much healthier for you; i'll be the air, the sun"

edw4rd's lines are always poetic and easily loved. :P

the author made me feel that i wanted jake to be with b3lla instead of edw4rd. because jake was portrayed as being so selfishly human. while edw4rd, being the most unselfish, kind ..... the list goes on for a perfect being. sighs.

and yeah, though it may baffle some, it is possible to be in love with 2 people at the same time.

i like this book, though the love scenes might make some people to throw-up. it is a love story afterall.

b3lla's: i love jake, but it is nowhere near enough. while edw4rd, i've known how was it like to not be with him.

it was a correct decision, since jake will definitely have an imprint in the future.

that's another thing in another book.

toodles. i love but i also hate fridays. dang!

cuti skola

as a kid, i looked forward to skool holidays. as an adult, i'm not so sure, since:

* the less traffic congestion during skool holiday. -i am not driving to work, so i don't feel it made any difference to me.

* skool holidays don't mean work holidays. - i wish!

* skool holidays is the peak season, where airlines and hotels charge exorbitantly. - i don't go for holidays on skool holidays, so no problem with this.

* malls and cinemas, packed with skool kids. - i lepak at the quietest mall in kl, i don't have the privilege to go watch movies that often.

* skool holidays = solemnization season. - ARGH!

it's not that i don't like weddings. i adore weddings, so many things to look at and learn from. but 3 weddings in a day? would definitely drive anyone sane, crazy. plus if the bride is your best-friend, you'll definitely be the pengapit. and the wedding gift as well, a headache.

you'll be wanting to buy something that the couple will remember. definitely not another rice cooker, or toaster or iron. haha!

(reminder to the guests of my future wedding: please do not buy me household items like the ones i mentioned just now. i'd be happy with your blessings and do not fret, i'll provide you with the list of things that i want. first come, get to buy me cheap items. you know what happens to the ones late. *muahahaha* )

i've long settled the issue of the wedding gifts. easy pick and the couple would definitely not mind it if they have more than one of this item. no, it's not c0nd0ms, you pervert. :P

i'm fully booked for weddings starting this week. there goes my precious weekends. hehehe.

best wishes to the brides and grooms to be. =)

loop forever

There you are with your perfect way
You’ve got that little shine in your eyes
To hear one word would make my day
But there’s no room for me in your life

Oh you’ve got me down on my knees
Oh and in my mind I can see
How perfect everything could be
But you won’t give us a try

If I could change your mind
How would you want me
Would you say you need me
Cause I need you now

I try to move on but your perfect way
Has got this little child asking why
But this world keeps spinning
As my heart stops beating
Is there still no room inside

Oh you’ve got me down on my knees
Oh and in my mind I can see
How perfect everything could be
But you won’t give us a try

If I could change your mind
How would you want me
Would you say you need me
Cause I need you now

If I could change your mind
(Please tell me I’m not the only one)
(Please help me believe I’m not the only one)
If I could change your mind

If I could change your mind
How would you want me
Would you say you need me
Cause I need you now
If I could change your mind
How would you hold me
Would you stay forever
Or just leave me here to drown

If I could change your mind
(Change your mind)
If I could change your mind
(Change your mind)

boyce avenue - change your mind

Pure pressure

Sometimes, for once i wish you'd understand. But when i am at my lowest, you disapp0int me. Maybe my fault of setting to0 high of expectati0ns, i so do despise myself for d0ing that.

If only life would be as beautiful, straightly b0ring as the picture.

These w0rds are mine:

"in everything you do, i d0n't want you to be upset. I only want y0u to be happy."

Which is the hardest thing to do these days.

...uh, i'm just n0t sure which stuff i need badly, a chick flick or syurga di atas pinggan?...

fish-y issues

him: have some of this. (handing me a pack of dried fruits)

me: thanks. (eating one piece of dried kiwi) this stuff tastes like fish.

him: it's fruit. how can it taste like fish?

me: (grabbing another piece) omg. this one tastes like tuna.

him: there's nothing wrong with it. i ate it just fine.

me: (chewing adamantly) definitely tuna!

him: oh my, there's definitely something wrong with you. lol.

me: (another piece) hmm, this one has less fish taste.

him: (smiling weirdly)

we were discussing about some stuffs. then,

him: have some more of fish. :P

me: sure. (munching on the kiwi) you know what, this is a kind of sick joke or ingenious marketing scam. who would've thought of moulding dried fish into fruit shapes?

him: (shakes head) sighs. you're saying it's fish but you keep on having seconds and thirds. :P

me: it's good fish.

him: lol!

....another colleague came in, and asked if he can have the dried fruits.

me: it tastes like fish (blandly)

he didn't take it at all. LOL!

bahagian 4

hidup ini bukan susah. terpulang cara sendiri untuk menentukan.

aku pilih cara susah.

sebab aku bukan orang senang. sebab aku ada banyak sebab sendiri.

pengalaman hidup mengajar banyak erti. belajar dari kesilapan. elakkan melakukan kesalahan yang sama. tak ramai yang tahu, kehidupan merupakan persamaan matematik. ada yang rumit, ada yang semudah 1+1.

kalaulah kehidupan itu seperti satu persamaan matematik yang pasti, mungkin hidup akan menjadi satu titik normal yang selari. bosan.

5 tahun lagi, aku akan baca entri ini dan senyum sendiri. dengan harapan aku sudah mula separuh memperjudikan hidup yang sememangnya singkat.

tak salah mencintai orang. biarpun hanya sekejap. biarpun hanya bertepuk sebelah tangan. biarpun orang lain tidak tahu. dalam kenikmatan yang diberi cinta, masih ada derita dan air mata.

cerita aku tidak tragis. cerita aku hanya cerita perempuan biasa, yang tidak pernah menoktahkan cinta. cerita aku penuh warna, dilatari hitam sepanjang masa. cerita aku yang tidak punya apa-apa, cuma perasaan berbaur yang selalu disalah anggap.

imaginasi pelangi hasil ilusi bermacam-macam buku menghamparkan tilam vono yang empuk andai realiti menghempas aku jatuh. dan aku akan kembali bangun, mencalit harapan demi harapan atas mimpi yang tak pernah sudah, mengharapkan yang tidak kepada yang pasti dan terus bernafas, walaupun kadangkala perasaan yang menyesakkan membuatkan yang sebati dalam diri menjadi acapkali sukar.

aku akan fight untuk apa yang aku mahu, bila aku mahu andai ia tiada satu noktah yang jelas. bahagia itu pasti. demi masa.

....mungkin bersambung

bahagian 3

(akhirnya ada mood untuk update bahagian 3...)

apabila kita berada di kemuncak tertinggi perasaan nan satu, yang indah, yang mengasyikkan, kita lupa semua perkara. sedangkan sebagai muslim, kita seharusnya bersedia kepada tiada apa yang kekal kecuali Dia Yang Maha Satu.

seharusnya aku bersedia dengan segala apa jua kemungkinan yang mungkin berlaku. perasaan itu lemah. perasaan itu tulus. perasaan itu jujur, tidak berbohong. kata mungkin boleh berbaur penipuan. hati tidak.

sedangkan hati yang lemah bisa menghancurkan seorang manusia yang dulunya kuat, gagah. aku tidak gagah, jauh sekali kuat, hanya kudrat sebilah tulang rusuk yang mudah patah, lalu aku harus menghadapi apa yang terjadi dengan kekuatan hati.

biar retak seribu, biar hancur berderai, aku perlu terus hidup. untuk diri sendiri. untuk orang-orang yang penting dalam hidup aku. untuk orang-orang yang perlu aku dalam hidup mereka.

air mata tidak mungkin menyelesai masalah, tetapi air mata itu pengumpul perasaan, yang bisa keluar dalam bentuk yang tak terucap dengan kata-kata. air mata bukan ungkapan lemah, tetapi keberanian yang tertumpah membuktikan keutuhan perasaan.

silap sendiri. tak pernah serius. percaturannya: belum tiba masa dan orang yang sesuai. aku masih punya banyak perjudian hidup yang tidak selesai. aku tidak gembira, tetapi aku hidup.

untuk apa dan untuk siapa?

untuk diri sendiri.

semuanya untuk diri sendiri.

because i am a selfish beeatch.

....bersambung