i am actually a different sorts of person. with everyone. the only person that i feel safe to be whatever i want and he won't say a thing except for the sake of my own benefit, is someone else's husband, though i know him long before that. i can't seem to start the story of my own life without telling about him coz he is what i am today. the story about myself will be awfully incomplete if his chapter is not included. but what he is to me and what we are, will be our secret. you just had to be in our shoes to know, which is not possible (since he is size men's 7 while i'm women's 8 :P)
it is the bitter feeling that stirred up the thoughts of unpleasant memories. rivalry is dangerous if it comes with jealousy, but if it is to work harder and better, it might bring good to those who felt it in the first place.
the bitter feeling that made me feel incompetent. the feeling that all is lost, and whatever that i worked hard for seems meaningless. and to feel this way must've been quite a blow. yes, it was. and it opened up the old wound, exposing it raw. try to put salt to it. the pain is much worse than that.
i cried when i felt nothing at all. i am built that way. my train of thoughts and feelings would be a mass of intricate thousands, where every single node known and felt. for this complex structure to be void, something disastrous might have shattered the walls i've built, the shields i've grown accustomed to.
i am repeating myself again. people think i'm being funny when i'm just being sarcastic. anyone can be funny, but not everyone can be sarcastic and gets away with being funny.
her: i told him the same thing 5 times already and he just asked me, again? can i whack some senses into this guy? *disgruntled*
me: you can't hit a clueless person. they won't know what hit them.
her: rofl!
3daysgrace: coz i'd rather feel pain than nothing at all.
to be continued.......
