// doinx //

Did you know?

2012-01-05T00:14:00.001+08:00

Someone else made me smile today.

I was hoping it would be you.

But i guess you were too busy to even say hi.

Did you know that a simple hi from you would make my day?

I guess you don't know that.

Still on my decision.

Just wait and see.

posted from Bloggeroid

How i spent my new year's eve

2012-01-02T23:57:00.001+08:00

I was sick since last Tuesday. By Thursday i was sneezing non stop.

And my body gave in on Friday. I was sweating profusely and my head felt like it was gonna split. By night i was already home alone.

The next day i was still nursing my fever and flu. I stayed in bed the whole day and decided to tether the network from my phone since the house network got no signal.

I streamed love actually and watched it to the end. I was downright sick and was poking fun at all the characters. Maybe i should watch it again.

I told my bestfriends that i was home alone and hungry. They arrived after an hour to pick me up.

We got to the shop just before the fireworks. I was busy stuffing myself with rice so i didn't watch the fireworks.

I was ecstatic that i spent my new year with my bestfriends. In lonely, sick and hungry times, they came to the rescue. Very happy i was and i don't get to be happy a lot these days.

So guys, thanks. I appreciate it. =)

I am still sick btw.

posted from Bloggeroid

What hurts the most

2012-01-01T23:43:00.001+08:00

That i can never say goodbye.

That this heart knows you with each beat.

The courage to go on seems harder because there's you tying me back.

What is it that you want from me? There is no so-called friends with benefits. I didn't give you that privilege.

I am not sorry that i offer you all of me. I am in this for you to win me back.

It's all or nothing.

posted from Bloggeroid

Kecil hati

2011-12-28T18:13:00.001+08:00

To tell the truth, i didn't remember you didn't wish me for my birthday this year on that day itself. I got wishes from my family and close friends, and i was happy with that.

Then you wished me a belated one. Two days later. You know what i felt? Surge of anger that came out of nowhere.

You never failed to wish me, every single year. And when you missed this year, sighs.

Yes, you had reasons that made me go, you know what, forget it. Maybe it is time to reassess my expectations.

This time, i don't deserve a timely birthday wish. And as much as it saddens me, it is the harsh reality i have to live with since you have other important priorities.

posted from Bloggeroid

Ini aku

2011-12-15T22:40:00.001+08:00

Saat ku tulis ini, laju air mata mengalir. Sedaya upaya aku tahan.

Tapi mungkin perasaan meluap sudah tidak mampu ditanggung.

Menangislah. Biar teduh sendu perangkap jiwa.

Hati, usah peduli. Kelak terbakar diri sendiri.

Sayangkan kamu, rindu dendam penuh di jiwa. Kasih yang satu, tegar jangan kecewa.

posted from Bloggeroid

Death and loss

2011-12-10T14:16:00.001+08:00

It is indeed a sad week.

Will update the chronological event soon.

Allahyarham my dad,
5th June 1954 - 5th December 2011

posted from Bloggeroid

joy and sorrow

2011-11-20T16:54:00.001+08:00

it has been a long time since we last met.

i had fun.

i laughed like nobody's business.

and it kills me.

it kills me coz i have forgotten how it was.

i have forgotten how you are.

i have forgotten how easy it was for me to just fall. again.

i have forgotten how it feels.

i forgot.

but it is all coming back to me now like a huge tidal wave crashing over my body.

please. i beg.

posted from Bloggeroid

indescribable

2011-11-09T02:50:00.001+08:00

at times like this, i wish i can paint or draw. coz words have to make sense. i can't write asdkjvdhct and expect people to understand. but i don't wanna be understood. i just want to let things out.

maybe i shall buy that big box of crayon i have been eyeing for a long time.

p/s: i love this camwhore pic of me. i didn't have a choice as i travel alone lest trust people with my valuables. coz i have those ray of light that just made my face sparkly. lol.

posted from Bloggeroid

lonely loner

2011-11-05T01:52:00.001+08:00

i am just sad.

please.

la tahzan.

posted from Bloggeroid

segalanya mungkin

2011-08-22T03:11:00.002+08:00

segala perasaan yang datang adalah hak milikNya. aku sungguh bersyukur dikurniakan perasaan yang membuatkan aku rasa hidup. marah, sedih, kecewa, sayang, cinta dan benci, semuanya datang dari Dia.

selama dibenarkan bernafas dan menjalankan amanah dan tanggungjawab, pertama kali dikurniakan rasa sebegini suci, yang begitu tulus. takdir telah tertulis, ia hanya untuk orang yang paling berhak setelah akad dilafazkan.

mungkin belum ketemu orang itu. mungkin yang paling molek belum hadir. mungkin sahaja pembimbing dan teman seluruh hidup masih belum bersedia. motivasi diri sendiri untuk terus memperbaiki diri. agar setanding dan mampu berganding bersama di kemudian hari.

lalu doaku hari ini untuk diriku dan untukmu,

moga kita diberikan peluang. moga kita berjumpa satu hari kelak dan diizinkan menghabiskan sisa usia kita bersama-sama. moga kamu memerlukan aku sepertimana aku perlu kamu. moga kamu dan aku saling melengkapi. moga kita diberkati selalu.

moga kamu gembira. aku juga gembira sekarang, kerana aku tahu aku pasti akan jumpa kamu nanti. pasti!

Let y0u g0.

2011-08-04T12:07:00.001+08:00

Let. Go.

take a bow

2011-07-09T11:08:00.002+08:00

i am writing this in a solemn mood. i haven't been able to put this out with words, but i finally do.

i might not be able to spin this out like a storyteller, and some things are better kept private, coz even though it hurts, it's still precious, coz it made me who i am today.

believe that every obstacle and the hardship are always to make us stronger. i have always believed in that. but the recent happenings made me believed in that even more.

i have always been a free-spirit, but practical. i flirt all the time, but it was always innocent, so people don't notice much. i don't waste time thinking about the nitty-gritty. i take the plunge, see if it's worth it and dive. if it's not, i get out as fast as i can. simple.

it worked all this while. when i thought about it again, i was downright cruel. yes, it worked for me, my side. i didn't give the other party a single thought, at all. i thought it was for the best. most of the time, i squeezed free, unscathed.

so, this time around, i put my guards down, get hurt in that process, and start all over again. i can be like an angel when i am nice, but i can hurt you like the devil if i am being cold and mean. so much that i wanted no heart feelings, but the logic here is, i go my own way. you want to come along, fine. but i won't take you or treat you nice. being nice period is over and your sorry doesn't mean anything, anymore.

wow, i sound so angry. well, that's after a time of enlightenment after so long being in a state of confusion. any kind of ship baffled me. i just don't get it. or maybe i haven't taken the time to have fun with it.

so, i'm taking a bow. i am not sorry your decisions made me go through all of this, i learned so much and become stronger than i thought. you are just one pathetic idiot who is not worth my time.

rasa em0

2011-07-04T04:00:00.004+08:00

dah lebih dari 2 kali tersedar pepagi buta camni dan rasa tak best. yang buat lagi kelakar, sebab yang sama.

moga dibukakan hati, diberi petunjuk dan dijauhkan dari perasaan was was. hanya padaMu aku berserah dan meminta pertolongan.

wheel of activities

2011-06-27T22:03:00.002+08:00

i just got back from another kerja gila. i think this was the craziest of them all since it involves 7 hour bus rides. kerja turun naik bas je. T__T

it is going to be a very busy july. just like last year. my weekends are fully booked. till i wonder when can i have a little bit of time with myself.

as of now, i am feeling emo. i am hating something so much, that all i can do about it is sulk. trying my best to forget about it, but having a very hard time. aih.

i think it is time for me to change environment. new opportunities, maybe. we'll see how things go, then.

i am physically drained and mentally tired. so, that's the pretty much the things i am able to write. kthxbai!

tranquille

2011-06-12T14:05:00.000+08:00

spending time with loved ones is always a balm for the heart. nothing can beat that.

on another note, my planner is getting more messed up than ever, which means that i have to be booked 6 months ahead! i am that busy.

so, if you're getting married in 6 months, it is already a good time to invite me. for next year, i'm already booked for february, august (if my good friend finally found her other half and that her wali will be back during this month, else i'll still have to keep this month free or she'd kill me for not attending her wedding, haha!), and october (my friend already threatened me with a lot of things if i missed the wedding, so i booked the whole month for it. hehe. )

yep, i still need to get rid of a lot of things. so, currently finding the right places for them. i need to start back on my postcard project.

i will write more soon. toodles~~

perempuan yang baik untuk lelaki yang baik

2011-05-30T19:22:00.002+08:00

aku rajin plak surfing skang ni, cari good read. ntah camne aku leh jumpa mende ni, tubelawak, banyak video lawak sebenarnya. pastu jumpa huraian pasal ni. aku rase interesting.

so, kesimpulannya kalo ko keje pegi clubbing, mestila ko akan end up dengan orang yang pegi clubbing gak. unless tetiba ko insaf dan pegi masjid untuk solat terserempak dengan imam muda yang ensem yang sudi nak jadikan ko bini.

memang jodoh itu di tangan Tuhan, tapi kalo ko end up dengan orang yang jahat, dah jadi tanggungjawab ko untuk tarik dia ke arah kebaikan. segala apa yang kita buat ada akibat, so tepuk dada tanya iman.

ok, dah start merepek, gi bace ye. =)

klik sini

something to ponder upon

2011-05-30T02:30:00.000+08:00

while i was browsing around to ~~kill time~~ read something, i came upon this thoughtful read from one of the blogs that i follow.

it gave a new perspective to marriage, like a fresh breath after colgate, haha.

dedicated to all of my single friends, we rock!

so, please click on the link and read it, especially the girl who made me stay up late, watched call-girls and overdosing on java chips at pavillion. :P

insecurities

2011-05-29T09:57:00.002+08:00

last week had been a very taxing one. i had to deal with a very bad hangover, and i didn't even consume alcohol for that matter, lol. but a night of ODing on java chips really took its toll on me. 3 days were enough to turn me into a restless being. geez, i didn't know caffeine and sugar could make me have the worst hangover, ever. T_T

on the other hand, i started to deal with a lot of things at the same time. work-related, life-related. somehow, i tend to view a lot of things differently. not entirely new, but something worth to ponder on.

i might not reveal all that happened here, i would have wanted to, if i have the right words and courage, which i don't at the moment. coz it would involve telling every detail, which i'm not comfortable with for now as i need to sort things out, which one's important, which one's not. ok, enough with this debate telling and not telling crap. been having that since day 1, duh. i'll tell when i felt like it. considering the way things are going, it might be sooner than i thought.

surprising myself, i guess.

guide to a better life

2011-05-28T14:28:00.000+08:00

taken from here who took it from someplace else. =)

Personality

1. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

2. Don't have negative thoughts of things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment

3. Don't over do, keep your limits

4. Don't take yourself so seriously, no one else does

5. Don't waste your precious energy on gossip

6. Dream more while you are awake

7. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need..

8. Forget issues of the past. Don't remind your partner of his/her mistakes of the past. That will ruin your present happiness.

9. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. Don't hate others.

10. Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present

11. No one is in charge of your happiness except you

12. Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn. Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.

13. Smile and laugh more

14. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

Community

15. Call your family often

16. Each day give something good to others

17. Forgive everyone for everything

18. Spend time with people over the age of 70 & under the age of 6

19. Try to make at least three people smile each day

20. What other people think of you is none of your business

21. Your job will not take care of you when you are sick. Your family and friends will. Stay in touch.

Life

22. Put GOD first in anything and everything that you think, say and do. This is our priority in life

23. GOD heals everything

24. Do the right things

25. However good or bad a situation is, it will change

26. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up

27. The best is yet to come

28. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful

29. When you awake alive in the morning, thank GOD for it

30. If you know GOD you will always be happy. So, be happy.

funny strip

2011-05-22T17:59:00.002+08:00

this strip made my day, considering that i am an avid flyer and dreamt of sitting beside the pilot / in the cockpit.

have a nice day everyone. can't wait for my next flyaway!

quote of the day

2011-05-09T22:21:00.001+08:00

i am the girl

that everybody likes

but

nobody wants.

so, the quest begins to search for my nobody. =)

On t0p of the world!

2011-05-08T12:28:00.001+08:00

Nuff said.

my precious

2011-05-07T13:41:00.002+08:00

i was telling my bff about the things i've been going through these past few months. being my usual bubbly and comical self, telling serious stuffs jokingly. when i finished talking with that casual smirk, my bff cupped my face in both hands and told me this,

" i love you so much. "

if it was done by a guy i liked, i would've gone to cloud 9. how sweet that would be.

but my bff is a girl, someone i treasured so much. we've been through the good and the bad times, together, through our lowest and highest. when she told me that, i felt euphoric and blissfully happy. that it doesn't matter if the world turn against me, as long as i have her and people who matters with me.

and i might not be my usual self these days, i think i am more annoying, but now i realized that these people love me. that i might not stop and thought about it, but now as i do, i am going to appreciate life more.

as i have these people to live for. look around, love is waiting. it might not be from the person you hoped for, but look harder, it might be closer than you think.

on being ruthless

2011-05-05T18:33:00.002+08:00

once he asked me, would i go out with him if he's thinner? i told him i would give it a thought, if he loses his boroiness.

so, a few months after that question, he asked me when are we going out, as i was about to leave the table full of his friends. i blurted blatantly,

" you tak kurus lagi. "

to a table full of laughter. oh my, i felt bad after that, hahahaha.

it's not that i'm making physical outlook (read: body size) a priority like i did on spoken english or tallness, but it's just a matter or preference. like between coffee or tea.

the funny thing is, i used to tell one of the many scandals this:

" kalo you kurus, i tinggalkan you. serius. "

which left him dumb-founded. whoever heard of thin people getting dumped, he said. i answered him with this,

" kurus tak sedap peluk. "

i still guffaw whenever i thought about this.

ok, now you know what my preferences are of the other gender. i blame those mangas and mills&booon. hehe.

something nice

2011-05-04T19:36:00.002+08:00

this is actually the satellite view of GMI student hostel in bangi. i was astounded. it is actually oval. i was complaining when the road was veering to corners while driving there, but it is exactly a geometric / architectural beauty. perfect.

bila hati tiada

2011-05-01T12:32:00.002+08:00

when you don't have the heart,

even the things that you love the most will take a ginormous effort to be done.

i miss my cookie monster. :( no, he's just one of those people i appreciated, not my significant other. i am still looking, hehehe. :P

and yes, i don't have the heart to write now. it takes too much effort plus i still need that pensieve to sort the thoughts out.

i will write proper, soon. i hope. =)

the years :)

2011-04-27T19:36:00.002+08:00

he had this on his ym status:

i am 27 this year but still not driving a scirocco.

i retorted by replying him this:

i am 27 this year but driving a car as old as i am.

hahaha.

on the other hand, i got this cute email from y!

Dear Eine,
Thank you for being a Yahoo! Mail user for the past 9 years.

wow! it has been that long since i started using the dork at the core nick for my email. i have a few mail id prior to that but i guess this one stuck, considering the previous ones were pretty much cheesy and too girly. lol. come to think of it, the nick is as old as izzul.

here's more to the years to come. =)

oh the irony

2011-04-25T22:19:00.002+08:00

i was naive.

and i broke hearts.

now that i am mature,

i get my heart broken. bad.

it is the same scene,

playing over and over again.

painful encounters

2011-04-24T01:54:00.002+08:00

i hate it when i woke up startled in the middle of the night, thinking about something i shouldn't be thinking about.

now i couldn't sleep back.

screw you!

invasion

2011-04-23T04:05:00.000+08:00

i hate it when my thoughts are invaded.

by thoughts that are so unnecessary.

coz it made me wanted to puke.

at times, my head was reeling so fast i wish i could just scream to it to shut up and stop.

but, if it really stops and shuts up, i won't have my endless imagination.

imagination so beautiful that it creates optimism.

from then comes hope.

and that kept me going.

for i have so many reasons to live for.

including you.

yea, you, who is reading this.

for someone to be here and read my nonsensical crap, must've been something.

thank you.

and then i don't feel so bad afterall.

smile and be happy, that's the least you can do for yourself =D

kegedikan terhadap aksen

2011-04-20T22:09:00.002+08:00

i called to enquire about the services that the place provides:

me: hello. um, company x?

male voice, let's call him k: (corrected me and answered) yea (in a heavy drawl)

me: say, um. (i was stuttering because i forgot the exact service that i wanted to ask) blablabla.

k: oh, i wasn't aware of that. yea, i guess you could.

me: ok, that's good then.

k: which service you're referring to? coz i have 2 companies.

me: uh? (like i care if you have 2 companies, duh) this and that, i couldn't really remember.

k: ah, that must be it. friday?

me: no, saturday.

k: yea, i guess you can come then, on that day. may i know your name, please?

me: it's eine.

k: oh, so you're malay. i'm malay too.

me: you don't sound like one. do i sound like one?

k: in the beginning, yea.

me: LOL.

this guy drove me nuts with his pronunciation of saturday. but he sounds cute with the accent. LOL.

girlfriends, let's meet k! mode gedik ON. :P

my favourite nomad

2011-04-20T17:21:00.002+08:00

Me: i just asked someone a really dumb question
him: what was that?
Me: i asked her: " which year were you born? " " 1985 ",
Me: " single? "
him: rofl
Me: like omg, of all questions, i should blurt that question out
him: r u thinking of switching sides.....rofl
him: rofl
him: rofl
him: rofl
him: rofl
Me: sila guling atas lantai skang
Me: hahahaha
him: rofl
him: What were u thinking??
Me: i wasn't thinking, lol
Me: it just came out
him: rofl
him: no harm done right???? rofl
Me: i got that quizzical look and raised eyebrow
him: rofl
him: U've defined the term "WHAT A DAY!!!"
him: rofl
Me: so much for trying to do something good
Me: hahaha
him: lol
him: Now what good did that bring???? rofl
Me: at least i made you laugh, at the cost of making the fool out of myself
Me: rofl
him: Yeah... Coming from u...... it's priceless rofl
Me: thank you, that made my day brighter hahahaha
him: lol

sensible yap

2011-04-17T22:41:00.000+08:00

i travel with sole-intention of take-off and touchdown on the metal bird. LOL. ok kidding. i go travelling to see the world, experience the culture, admire the landmarks and architecture yadayada.

but the one that intrigued me the most is the culture. how the people of the nation behave, towards foreigners, the way they drive or queue for the public transport. these kind of things never cease to amaze me.

at times, there are a lot of things that my fellow citizens can learn from them. especially those little things we call courtesy or learning how to line-up to catch the bus.

the viets are stubbornly loyal to their mother-tongue of which i found it hard to move around and ask directions from the locals since most of them don't speak english despite the nation's capital being infested with amerikans. they are also very proud of their heritage as each of the shops' name starts with viet this or viet that. and with these loyalty and determination, they shooed away the amerikans during the war. i dunno whether it was a blessing in disguise or not, but the war destroyed all crocodiles in the mekong river coz of agent orange.

our northern neighbour left me with a lot to ponder. the roads are spacious and in very good condition. no holes whatsoever. you are ensured of a smooth ride even when you're in behind a hundred-year old truck. their internet speed is super-fast, that even when you're wifi-ing, you don't feel the lag at all. proven by my friend's uninterrupted fast picture upload. they are also close to worshipping their king. his picture is almost everywhere. i mean, what's not to respect when your king is one of the best biologists in the country who plants paddy species in the royal courtyard?

while our southern neighbour is very disciplined, their kiasu-ness is epic! everything is so organized and clean that you can't help feeling that you are a robot. programmed to do exactly this and not that. but the winner is definitely the govt-sponsored dating services. first, you're being paid to have babies and now to go on a date? i rest my case. though the local girls look fashionable and dolled-up, i still like the girls in my country, definitely prettier! like a local comedian used to joke about; yes, it was nice when the cabs are punctual, but after a while, it gets boring since it's predictable. true enough.

the garuda land, it is the poverty that tugged at my heart. they do all kinds of jobs, even dangerous ones like stopping speeding cars to make way for other cars. and the pay is meagre depending on the tips. all for the sake of money. the place is also full of demonstrations. and weirdly-shaped buildings. one thing is for sure. no matter their ethnicity, they stand unified as one nation. oh, bandung girls are pretty! LOL.

so, in the wake of the upcoming by-elections, i'm just pondering over the fact that if our neighbouring nations can, why my nation's men can't stand united as one, crossing race, religion and political beliefs boundaries?

darah sama merah.

jika nyawa terkorban, masih disebut manusia.

bukan parti politik mana.

dasar pilih bulu dan sekutu.

saya, islam dahulu!

on a sunday

2011-04-17T13:24:00.002+08:00

my entries these days have been mainly about the people i treasured and the conversations i had with them. the point is to keep it here so that on one fine day when life has dealt me a wicked blow, i'd be able to track down and read these beautiful musings and laughs at them the same.

i've wanted to write something that i truly felt, stripping down to the basics, like a bare-it-all session, but i guess even my future self needed to be spared that. less is always more. =)

so to quote what i said to a fren on her blog when she posted an article of not trying too hard to find the perfect one;

you felt that the person is perfect for you, but does he/she felt that you're perfect for him/her?

i'm surrounded by so much love that i am so thankful to the Almighty for this blessing, every single day. just remember for every person who hates you, there will be 10 more person who love you. but it can go vice versa too, LOL.

enjoying life at its best. day. after day. <3

balm for the heart

2011-04-17T13:13:00.004+08:00

him: you're the one experiencing all of that. so, it's up to you, nak tergolek ke, nak jatuh ke, nak jerit kuat-kuat ke, nak lompat-lompat ke.

me: nak terjun bangunan bleh?

him: jangan. kawin dulu.

me: what the? HAHAHAHAHA!

love you, bad!

unpretentious

2011-04-14T12:23:00.003+08:00

him: nice right. ryan. hearts

me: that's so gay. coming from you. ROFL.

him: lol

me: not busy eh today?

him: not so. why?

me: coz you have time to heart ryan gosling to me. hahaahaha

him: coz he deserves the attention

me: he is he is. from me.

him: eyebrows goes up and down. hot stuff hot stuff

me: and i wonder how many times you'll go watch CSL. hehehe

him: hehe 1 time. maybe

me: i remember you watched L&OD 4 times, coz JG's butt

him: mwahahaha. what movie to watch this month eh?

me: maybe you should watch limitless. BC's in it. unless you wanna watch bieber. hahahaha

him: i watch already, 2 time :P

me: OMG.

one of the most unpretentious guy i know. one of the rare ones who embrace his sexuality openly. and a metro at that too. = )

tak tahu kenapa

2011-04-13T19:33:00.002+08:00

Dikala luka terlalu dalam Sungguhpun masih tak terpadam Hingga terkadang aku berdendam Kau tetap setia Walau jauh berlari Walau jenuh ku mencari Tetap sungguh kau kemari Tanpa jemu dan benci Biar ku telan tangismu Biar ku simpan resahmu Meski kau bukan milikku Teguhkan dihatiku Percayalah.. Kau Inderaloka.. Kan ku susuri Bahagia mu teman di taman ini.. tetiba rase lagu ni sangat relevan. =)

honesty

2011-04-12T23:35:00.002+08:00

me: i might be flirting like all the time, but i don't get into relationships that easily, i break hearts along the way.

him: will you break mine?

me: eh? is there more parts of your heart to be broken?

him: *sits in one corner and sulks*

me: rofl!

good friends are beyond words. life is too precious to be spent to be thinking of that one person who doesn't appreciate you.

it is definitely worthwhile to be with those who'll stick with you through fat and thin. and most importantly, the people who love you, the way you are, no matter how annoying and obnoxious you may be.

this entry is dedicated to my ensem bois (you get the credit for putting up with me, :P ), my phat girlfriends ( for entertaining my gastronomic quests and for being the best things in my life ), and my beautiful family for being the reason of my sanity.

love you guys to death. with all the love in the world. *mwahx*

musings

2011-04-10T00:58:00.002+08:00

on a slow boring day:

him: to you, boys come and go?

me: frankly speaking, i have too many bois in my life to miss those who left. yes, i may sound like berlagak, but those who stayed are my sworn friends for life.

him: suddenly i felt like a tiny dot in the far far corner of the big picture.

me: be thankful that you're at least in the picture. LOL.

him: that's true to some extent. hahaha.

i am a serial flirt. i am a sworn heartbreaker. i guess it's in me all along. but i'm not cheap. i know what i want, and i work for what i want, and i make sure i get what i want. it's just the problem of figuring if what i want is really what i need. like those comfortable deliciously, heartbreakingly expensive hush pups shoes.

jake, i need my edward dose. soon enough, babe.

reminiscence

2011-04-09T01:17:00.000+08:00

my takes on some of life's issues surprise me sometimes. i mean being 16 (ecehhh) but have to deal with a lot of decisions and mature stuffs really are something that i don't look forward to, it sounded so adult.

i don't remember what happened when i was 16, there must be some major event happened that made me stuck at 16 forever. wondering if this is the case of the lost youth. i seem to miss those youthfulness.

of going to school.
of doing homework.
of enjoying life, with friends without worrying about bills to pay.

i sacrificed my weekends, my youthfulness, for money.

even now, i'm slaving away for money.

it made sense that i like working hard for money. though i'd want to be a soccermom some day, it gives me great satisfaction that i am able to buy the things i want with the money i worked so hard for, even though it was not immediate.

i am so messed up. but i know that reading His love letters will soothe me. i seek His guidance and blessings. :)

perks

2011-04-08T23:56:00.000+08:00

a conversation on a weekend night;

him: tak layan af ke?

me: kalo af tu makanan, atau nama pendek seorang lelaki yg ensem, mesti i layan tanpa was was.

him: lol!

seriously, i miss my bois, dearly. cepatla cuti sem.

most elitegible bachelor

2011-04-07T12:34:00.000+08:00

i bought the cl3o magazine this month because of the delicious hunks. including shah3izy sam, hehe.

i was browsing the aisle for my weekly calcium dose when bsb's i want it th4t way came on air.

i instinctively was bobbing my head left and right, and unconsciously tapping my feet as well as silently singing, when suddenly:

" eh, akak suke lagu ni, siap menari-nari lagi "

i was blushing beetroot and giggling excessively. hahahaha, i never thought people'd notice AND spoke aloud.

they were the staffs there. and finally,

" ala, dah habis la kak. datang lagi esok ye. esok konfem ade lagi lagu ni "

i was laughing by then and walked away. malu wey.

speaking of bachelor, i'm dreaming of all sorts of guys. terasa gila, but hey, it's not wrong having a diminutive imagination, well, a bit on the wild side. like having tall and handsome in one person is quite rare, if you get what i mean. :P

Solitude

2011-04-06T03:48:00.000+08:00

Lo0king forward to view this with y0u.

Together.

Future significant other.

Wherever y0u are n0w.

We'll meet s0meday.

weird twists

2011-04-06T02:13:00.002+08:00

fate is a mystery. that watching it unravel is one of life's little pleasures.

all that we can do is tawakkal, and pray for the best, that the decision we made will be blessed and that fate will be very nice to us.

for His most precious gift to us - our mind, alongside with His guidance and iman, will be one tough sword and shield, come what may.

karma will get to you, whether you want it or not, whether you like it or not. since life is simple. treat people the way you want to be treated. seek His blessings for there are countless.

love while you can. care while you're able to.

with all your heart and soul.

since fate can be changed. when you want it with all your heart and work it.

for He is the one Who Listens.

ya Rabb, may You grant me the strength to get over this disappointment.

Betrayal

2011-04-04T17:14:00.002+08:00

Betrayal is never pretty.

Grateful that i'm n0t living a lie.

Que sera sera.

P/s: fo0d ab0ve d0esn't betray. Which is go0d. :-P

dedication

2011-03-28T22:02:00.000+08:00

was in love.

still am.

always will be.

let fate fare you better.

confused

2011-03-23T13:54:00.003+08:00

i am trying to find the common ground. so many people have taken me for emotional rides till i get no sense of direction of where i'm heading.

one told me that.

another told me this.

i know they all meant well, but at some point, i just wanna be heard. i know The Almighty will hear me always.

i am grateful for all the encouragement. but hearing what i said on the same occasion is somehow queer. not soothing, but weird in some scale.

o't0wn used to sing

" coz i want it all or nothing at all.
You know I'd fight for you
But how I can fight someone who isn't even there
I've had the rest of you now I want the best of you
I don't care if that's not fair "

yes, maybe i'll fight on. when all this insanity cools down.

depression

2011-03-23T00:49:00.000+08:00

please excuse the depressed entries that will be coming most of the time. i am currently trying to recover from something nasty that needs a lot of attention and will involve a lot of sadness, moodiness, some stupidity and a lot of cold-hearted writings.

if you're looking for some light-hearted read, kindly leave. this is not the place, not here, not now.

now, maybe we shall start on some of the real depressing stuffs.

objective

2011-03-22T01:14:00.000+08:00

she said:

even when you don't like the same things, even when you are so different, at least you must have the same objective of where you're going. then only you can plan or do things around trying to achieve that objective.

she's right. there is no point of being so alike that even a simple objective is not set and achievable.

starting back from scratch is such a chore. that was why i didn't bother to start in the first place.

trust

2011-03-21T01:05:00.000+08:00

it's not easy to put trust in anyone. in fact, in my opinion, it has to be earned. whether someone is worth to be bestowed this in the first place.

but in your case, i trusted you completely, without a single doubt. coz i know you're someone that can be trusted with life.

the only problem is, i don't trust myself.

fact to live by

2011-03-20T01:00:00.003+08:00

i know you might have reasons for all that you did. so, be it.

it is painful when the one you love doesn't love you,

but it is a different thing when the one you love doesn't love you anymore.

doubts

2011-03-19T12:10:00.000+08:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LVnvikQpEig&feature=related

What do you do when you're stuck,
Because the one that you love,
Has pushed you away,
And you can't deal with the pain,
And now you're trying to fix me,
Mend what he did,
I'll find the piece that i'm missing,
But I still miss him,
I miss him, i'm missing him,
Oh I miss him, I miss him i'm missng him

And you're sitting in the front row,
Wanna be first in line,
Sitting by my window,
Giving me all your time,
You could be my hero,
If only I could let go,
But his love has still hit me,
Like a broken arrow.
Like a broken arrow.

He's the thorn in my flesh
That I can't take out
He's stealing my breath
When you're around,
And now you're trying to convince me,
He wasn't worth it,
But you can't complete me,
It's the thought that he's missing,

I miss him, I'm missing him,
Oh I miss him I miss him, i'm missing him,

What do you do
When your heart's in two places?
You feel great but you're torn inside.
You feel love but you just can't embrace it,
When you found the right one at the wrong time.

pixi3 lott - broken arrow

on the lookout

2011-03-16T10:01:00.001+08:00

i thought i would never have to look again. but how wrong i was. i am again on the look out. :)

time

2011-01-10T02:55:00.000+08:00

he told me this:

" i don't regret that it ended. i regret the precious time. "

indeed.

i used to be in that position too, where the ending was he married someone else. but the fact that we never really hit it off kinda saved me as we're still very good friends. i was in a special kind of a relationship with him for so long that i forgot how it was without him. i am so proud to say that what i am today is his grooming (the sarcastic trait included!). talk about peer pressure and influence, lol. i don't regret the time since it matures me, it made me feel safe to make choices, to have my own sweet time to choose, and most importantly, it made me grow, to open up, be hurt again and again, only to rise stronger everytime. i can never repay you enough for all the hurts and pain i've caused you, but at least i know you're proud of the way i turned out to be, your protege, kahkahkah. his quote, rephrased by lifeh0use:

" i tried my best to be guarded, i'm an open book instead. "

well-said. hahahaha!

on another note, i listened to this argument on the radio;

" how long do you think will someone be ready for a new relationship after a breakup? "

there were quite a bunch of responses but this one was funny and calculative even:

" for each number of year spent in the relationship times by 3 months. so, if you're in a relationship for 2 years, you shall be ready to hop on the dating game again in 6 months "

LOLOL.

it is true that it depends on the person itself. as for me, life must go on. at one point, i stopped caring and just don't give a damn. love comes knocking anytime it pleases. so, it rather boils down to whether you could differentiate whether it was love or lust or just plain rebound. and yea, i've never been in any long-term ships, so i can talk motivating things like this when i dunno crap. but i think, someone new might help, a lot in fact, if you really wanna move on and not mope and cry all day.

i didn't blame her. maybe she was just trying hard to move on, even when it was barely a month. and i think girls have narrowed their choices to those who gave them the most attention, like the way rihanna sang, that girls need to feel that they're the only girl in the world. but then, the war is not yet lost. what might be one's glass, might be another's gem. she wasn't even a friend of mine, but i just found out that she and her new bf are both friends with my friend in fb. it's twisted and amusing at the same time.

only time will tell. distance and time, i will be waiting. =)

undecided

2011-01-09T01:58:00.002+08:00

it was quite an eventful day yesterday despite me having to spend quite a big chunk of my rest day in the aquarium. but luckily, it went well, i'm pretty satisfied with the end result. felt like a huge burden off my shoulder. well, one shoulder, another will be the dreaded monday morning as always.

my hometown is actually a small cowboy town, where the shops will be closed and the streets empty by 9pm. it is a very sleepy town, that's why i kept on falling asleep any chance i get whenever i'm home, ok, that's irrelevant.

so, the point that i was going to say, you're more likely to meet your neighbour or your school teacher while going for grocery shopping or the likes. it is a town where almost everybody knows everyone. uh, maybe that's just me, i used to work front-line, i seem to have this weird thinking that everyone i met is familiar.

geez, i seem to drift off from saying my main point these days. i'm getting rotten. i need to start writing again.

where was i? oh, yea, the small town talk. there was this guy, we used to work together at the frontline. then he quit. i didn't see him again until 2 years later. in kl. the joke was that he lives in my sleepytown too, but of all the places, we met again in kl.

my girlfriend hails from kelantan. she said her classmate was from my sleepytown. turns out, he's the nephew of one of the teachers in my high school, and he lives next to my block. the joke was that it took someone from kelantan for me to know that someone who's related to the teachers in my sleepytown and lives in the next block, met in kl. funny.

my childhood friend in sleepy town, though we kinda drifted away after rumours spreading out that he kinda had a crush on me. i was a darcy-dreaming girl, so charming is what he's not. and perhaps i regarded him more as a bro, it would feel incestous, kahkahkah. the last time we met was when he told me his plans after spm. which was 10 years ago. met in kl. at my housing area.

i saw the second guy after 4 months, today. he smiled a weak smile and looked stressed. i hope he's okay. the highlight of the day was of course the childhood friend. he recognized me from afar. i still look the same, the nerdgeeky look i sported since i was 10, lol. of course the gf was throwing daggers at me, they seemed in a rush so i just smiled and walked away.

i am having trouble sleeping. gotta get this overflowing thoughts out, gotta sieve them.

Contentment

2010-10-27T15:58:00.001+08:00

The pic is their idea to expel wind. Conc0cti0n of tea, lem0njuice, cinnam0n and ginger. Not bad i must say. Yet to experience the aftermath. Lol.

People who matters called. Xoxo. Laters.

Rofl!

2010-10-21T00:34:00.001+08:00

While waiting for a friend to pick me up, this sign g0t me baffled. Hahaha!

said sadly part 1: pain

2010-08-11T02:00:00.003+08:00

it is ramadhan the 1st. i am definitely on the other side to have landed again, with this kind of cheesy entry titles. blame it on the hormones or whatever they call it these days, i am getting old.

i am actually a different sorts of person. with everyone. the only person that i feel safe to be whatever i want and he won't say a thing except for the sake of my own benefit, is someone else's husband, though i know him long before that. i can't seem to start the story of my own life without telling about him coz he is what i am today. the story about myself will be awfully incomplete if his chapter is not included. but what he is to me and what we are, will be our secret. you just had to be in our shoes to know, which is not possible (since he is size men's 7 while i'm women's 8 :P)

it is the bitter feeling that stirred up the thoughts of unpleasant memories. rivalry is dangerous if it comes with jealousy, but if it is to work harder and better, it might bring good to those who felt it in the first place.

the bitter feeling that made me feel incompetent. the feeling that all is lost, and whatever that i worked hard for seems meaningless. and to feel this way must've been quite a blow. yes, it was. and it opened up the old wound, exposing it raw. try to put salt to it. the pain is much worse than that.

i cried when i felt nothing at all. i am built that way. my train of thoughts and feelings would be a mass of intricate thousands, where every single node known and felt. for this complex structure to be void, something disastrous might have shattered the walls i've built, the shields i've grown accustomed to.

i am repeating myself again. people think i'm being funny when i'm just being sarcastic. anyone can be funny, but not everyone can be sarcastic and gets away with being funny.

her: i told him the same thing 5 times already and he just asked me, again? can i whack some senses into this guy? *disgruntled*

me: you can't hit a clueless person. they won't know what hit them.

her: rofl!

3daysgrace: coz i'd rather feel pain than nothing at all.

to be continued.......

hiatus lagi.

2010-08-02T20:33:00.002+08:00

i apologize if you are the frequent visitors here. july was so taxing, full of non-stop activities, being the dynamo myself. hence the lack of updates for july. i have so many things to write, but the words are just silent echoes in my head, without the proper channel to go out.

i hardly rest in july. i was always up to some mischiefs. be it the kerja gilas, or even visiting my nieces. 2 amusing things happened:

my conversation with my 17-months-old niece.

her: auntie, nak kelat. (chocolates, she meant)

me: kelat dah habis.

her: auntie, nak smile (taking pictures)

her mother: buat apa dengan tangan tu?

her: korek nose.

me: *rofl*

her: auntie, uncle mane?

me: *tersedak*

budak kecik pun tau tanye soalan cepukmas nih. hahahaha!

another occasion:

him: the main story is about ev's love for her husband.

why does that sound familiar? oh yea, i think i told him that hp is about sn4pe's love for hp's mother, which was quite amusing that somebody mirrored your exact point of view, voiced out previously.

i want to write more, but i am saving the words for another time. :)

unproductivity

2010-06-30T01:12:00.002+08:00

2 days of non-productivity, sebabnye hari2 bangun dengan hang-over yang teruk, separuh hari rase pening dan takleh wat keje. memangle tak produktif, lansung.

sekarang dan kebelakangan ni, rase macam lagu ni;

I dont mind where you come from
As long as you come to me
But I dont like illusions I cant see
Them clearly
I dont care, no I wouldn't dare
To fix the twist in you
You've shown me eventually what you'll do
I dont mind
I dont care
As long as you're here

Go ahead and tell me you'll leave again
You'll just come back running
Holding your scarred heart in hand
It's all the same
And I'll take you for who you are
If you take me for everything
And do it all over again
It's all the same

Hours slide and days go by
Till you decide to come
But in-between it always seems too long
Suddenly
But I have the skill, yeah
I have the will, to breath you in while I can
However long you stay is all that I am

I dont mind, I dont care
As long as you're here

Go ahead and tell me you'll leave again
You'll just come back running
Holding your scarred heart in hand
It's all the same
And I'll take you for who you are
If you take me for everything
And do it all over again
It's always the same

Wrong or Right
Black or White
If I close my eyes
Its all the same

In my life
The compromise
I'll close my eyes
Its all the same

Go ahead say it
You're leaving
You'll just come back running
Holding your scarred heart in hand
It's all the same
And I'll take you for who you are now
If you take me for everything
Do it all over again
It's all the same

sic.k pupp.ies - all the same

pada suatu pagi yang bengang,

2010-06-25T12:42:00.002+08:00

memang pagi yang bengang, sebab aku bangun dengan hang-over dan rase tak puas hati.

me: pade hal mekdi tu makin mahal kot
me: aku dah tak mampu dah nak beli
me: gigil2 bayar
her: ko beli yg extra double tuh watper
her: lain kali pegi time lunch
her: murah skit
me: hahaha
me: sini panas doww, jauh nak jalan gi mekdi
me: aku tak penah le beli double tu, pembaziran melampau
her: xmampu nak abiskn
her: itu mmg super duper gemuk ler kalo mkn
her: berjuta kalori agaknyer
me: berjuta?
me: lawak tol ko nih
her: spicy chicken mcdeluxe pn cecah seribu
her: kalo besarcamtuh hmpir ler sejuta
her: hahaha
me: ngok, mane ko belajar matematik?
me: dia tambah satu keping patty je lagi
me: lain sume same
me: hahahaha
her: hahaha
her: tuh campur ngan fries
her: ececeh
her: air karbonat

benda nih memang lawak gile, terus hilang bengang. nak2 aku bengang+hangin+tak puas hati, tapi aku plak kene pujuk orang lain yang bengang+hangin+tak puas hati. apatah lagi, orang lain tu yang aku dok bengangkan, hanginkan, aku plak kene pujuk dia? memang rase cam haram.

oh, time kasih untuk lawak di atas. buat kepala aku rase ringan sket, dan ade rase nak muntah hijau sebab banyak sangat angin masuk lepas ketawa guling2.

seriously?

2010-06-14T13:04:00.002+08:00

seriously, what i want to do right now, is just leave everything behind, and go some place alien on the metal bird.

seriously, i am all the negativity now.

seriously, sen is making me lose my rational and gave in to my alter-ego. not that i don't feel gleeful about it *evil*

seriously, if my alter-ego is taking over, i will be what i was almost 2 years ago. cold, unfeeling, uncaring. ~~geez, even thinking about being like an alien gives me shivers.~~

seriously, sorry for making you read this depressing entry. depressed words make me feel in power, though i wonder where the hell did that notion came from?

seriously p/s: i am still looking for the leprechaun's gold at the end of the rainbow, so i can be serious. seriously, this just doesn't make any sen(se).

keanehan

2010-06-07T22:09:00.002+08:00

aku terasa keanehan. mungkin sebab dah lama tak fokus pada perasaan sendiri, lantas sesuatu yang tak dapat diungkap dengan kata-kata, menimbulkan rasa pelik dan aneh yang tidak berkesudahan.

apa yang aku terdaya buat ~~selain main tarik-tali~~, minta padaNya, dikekalkan keanehan ini andai ia dibataskan niat yang baik.

okeh, sila muntah untuk entri jiwang ni. yaks!

20 ways to be happy

2010-06-06T22:14:00.002+08:00

these are the main ideas with my responses. credits to excelle at divinecaroline to read full article and explanations. :)

1. Make Your Bed Every Morning

- i think this really makes a difference.

2. Shorten Your Commute

- yea, i was happier when i shortened my commute from 45 mins to 5mins. :P

3. Find a Rocking Chair

- my office's chair rocks. :P

4. Make Lists

- i know i'm doing jobs when i crossed done tasks. that's bliss. hehe.

5. Paint Your Toenails

- time to paint my nails i guess, black.

6. Wake up the Right Way

- hmmm, should try this.

7. Talk About Something New

- oh, no wonder.

8. Refuse to Give Advice

- can't i just be a good listener? plish.

9. Rearrange Your Furniture

- time to spring clean and rearrange.

10. Smile on the Outside

- always do this when i think about something silly.

11. Gaze at a Photograph

- jake please. or the right guy for edward.

12. Get Informed

- google is my truest best-friend. haha!

13. Turn off the TV

- don't watch tv that often, would rather hang-out with frens.

14. Eat Avocados

- aih, nyesal plak tak beli hari tu time murah.

15. Sing or Hum a Tune

- dalam bilik air selalu la. hahaha.

16. Break the Rules

- yea, sume kerja gila itu adalah buktinya. :D

17. Invigorate Your Sense

- should put those scented stuffs in my pillow.

18. Visit a Quiet Place

- kedai buku selalu la. takpun toysrus. hehe.

19. Forgive Someone

- i think i've never really gotten vengeful at anyone. serious.

20. Spend More Time with Your Happy Friends

- yes, they matter. a lot. and my wacky family too. :P

something funny

2010-06-05T16:48:00.002+08:00

i know maybe some of you have watched this when you watched the live show, but here you go anyway.

terbaek!

ironic!

2010-06-03T17:30:00.001+08:00

http://xkcd.com/667/

I heart public transp0rt...

2010-05-30T17:03:00.002+08:00

...when there are less pe0ple in it.

...when it's on time.

...when there is a LADIES COACH! Whee!

Kudos to ktm for pi0neering the ladies only c0ach. They even marked the space to wait for the c0ach, where it is with a pink sign. In s0me stati0ns, the pillars are even painted PINK! Definite c0olness!

So ladies, make sure that you look for the LADIES Coach whenever you board ktm komuter.

I loiikee!

well-said caption. lol!

2010-05-27T08:31:00.002+08:00

i was practically complaining of my friend's down-time behaviour that's ticking me off.

me: what's wrong with you? sikit-sikit nak emo. a few weeks back, emo tak sudah, annoying gile. bleurgh!

him: do you think only girls have emotions? lelaki pun datang haid jugak, oke?

me: what the...???

i don't have any words after that because i was rolling on the floor, crying gallons of laughing my heart out.

guys, haven't you heard of the word P.M.S.? *rofl!*

pagi yang tak berapa cerah

2010-05-13T19:14:00.002+08:00

everytime i come in, there's always something that made my heart stopped and made my blood boil. i was in the midst of the morning chaos, of the usual craziness when he called:

him: you busy?

me: pretty much not so. what's up?

him: listen to this.

and there was this familiar tune playing, which i couldn't quite recall.

i was more amused with the fact that he's calling me, making me listen to the tune he's strumming with his guitar when i was only thinking of i'm going to have a bad day. and i felt definitely better.

i typed this on my fb : when i felt my day was going down so early in the morning, you picked the guitar and played me a song. thanks. even if it's u.s. national anthem. :P

yea, it was u.s. national anthem i later found out. tell me how not to appreciate this guy with all his flaws and weaknesses, when all he did was being considerate and thoughtful?

thanks. you're one in a million. :P

i still..

2010-05-13T19:10:00.002+08:00

on a not so typical morning;

me: i dah lame tak bicker dgn u

him: i miss you too.

me: uuuu. you dah mellow

him: :)

okeh. still sayang dia ni. sampai bila2. =)

bile kepala dah tak betul

2010-05-04T19:33:00.002+08:00

apologies to any of you who didn't manage to comment here. i stupidly changed a few settings. no wonder, nobody commented :P

this happened 2 months ago:

i was telling 2 guy friends about this guy i like, excitedly:

me: you know he told me this and that... blablabla.

both of them: *stoned*

me: blablablabla... so, what do you think?

guy 1: oh ok. *silence for a moment* bile nak bawak jumpe kitorang?

me: *tersedak*

guy 2: ROFL!

motif? hahahahaha!

i like you. i like you a lot. at least for another 3 months. bwahahahaha!

The qu0tables

2010-04-24T01:56:00.001+08:00

'' she didnt have a dad, her m0m was a drunkard, she had to take care of her family. She had this c0nstant fear that everything is fallin apart. She just had to have c0ntrol. When i c0uld, i'd let her c0ntrol me. Coz it made her feel safe. As her husband, i'd make her feel safe.'

Bleh order tak husband camni kt kedai?

// The qu0te was fr0m mr scav0, lynette's of desper4te wives //

Lax

2010-04-22T21:46:00.001+08:00

Premise 1

''Ive been into shit way deep than diz 1 n i know 1 thing.there will alwys be an escape route. ''

Yea, but y0u d0nt get lucky, twice. Remember that.

Premise 2

''you b0th are finding excuses to spend m0re time with each other. I rest my case''

It w0n't be this way, if y0u f0ught harder.

Premise 3

'you w0n't take her, even after she's free'

You're n0t sincere in this c0z y0u'd rather be cina buta.

Being there, but n0t being there. Easy. Careless. Lax.

Conclusi0n:

I want the cake in the pic! Grr!

Rofl!

2010-04-20T20:41:00.001+08:00

What happens when 10 single girls threw a party for a single male b0ss?

Pic ab0ve explains. And yea, his present is a d0zen of ferrer0 and jumbo pack of the happy ballo0ns. Rofl!

Wishes

2010-03-27T22:12:00.001+08:00

For the w0nderful w0man whose favourite s0ng is g4ga's bad r0mance.

Thank y0u for being the reas0n we're here.

Happy birthday m0m. Glad y0u liked the red velv3t cake.

We love y0u!

When loneliness calls

2010-03-24T21:44:00.001+08:00

Its exactly 2 weeks i didnt have the urge to write. I have s0 many things to write ab0ut, but i lacked the strength.

When in the middle of n0where, with strangers ar0und, it felt w0nderful when i looked up and see you, looking at me. Waiting for me to disc0ver that y0u're there. Thanks friend, for making me happy.

The pic is the infam0us ayam golek pantai dlm. Sape nk g mkn bwk aku. Hehe.

Nak blik. Jumpe mak. Bai.

stupidity is an infectious disease

2010-03-11T17:54:00.002+08:00

stupidity 1:

one stupid woman pulled the toilet-roll long enough to make a mummy out of herself; just to wipe her not-so-wet hands; when i used only 2 perforated sections for my dripping wet hands. i was shaking my head at the number of innocent trees that were pulled down just because of one show of stupid woman's stupidity.

stupidity 2:

i was patiently waiting for gift wrapping services when a stupid woman cut the queue. waited for her turn to wrap her stupid gift which was one of the small h0t-wheels car. how stupid can someone get, dim enough to buy a cheap car (it was 6.90 tops), dim enough to buy a stupid wrapper and very STUPID to ask for assistance to wrap the car. like a kid cares of how the car was wrapped, it's a car, any little boy would be thrilled. if you're sooo stupid, try learning how to wrap a toy-car, you stupid moron.

i won't be this pissed if she didn't cut the queue just to wrap a little toy-car. fcuk you woman, learn your manners.

stupidity 3:

backstabbers are stupid. they think they won't get caught doing the backstabbing. the problem is, they always do. so, next time stupid woman, try minding your own business, before you meddle with mine. when you do, you're making me dig up the past. which is nasty. which will turn everyone against you. when you're just trying to save your own ass. fcuk you! and i mean it more this time!

lack of sleep + other people's stupidity = a hell of a day.

Sorry isn't the right w0rd

2010-03-10T06:43:00.001+08:00

I think i'm feeling s0rry. But as the title suggests, it might n0t be the right w0rd.

I've left this place to fend for itself when i am to0 exhausted to even having an eye open, let alone write w0rds that'll inspire and n0t s0me gibberish that even i have pr0blems to understand in the future.

At times like these, i wish i have the right w0rds that c0nvey my feelings, w0rds that carry the message acr0ss, with0ut revealing to0 much and still being subtle.

In order to achieve this, writing with a clear head, n0t influenced by anything is the m0st imp0rtant. Exaggerating is all part of the drama.

So baby, happy 5th anniversary. Let's t0ast to the m0re writeful years to c0me. Much love *mwahx*

P/s: isn't the pic, a breathtaker? Wonderful p0stcard. Lovin' it! *yawns* g0in back to sleep y'all.

Tak selalu

2010-03-07T23:26:00.001+08:00

What a saturday. It was pr0bably the zanest one i had in a long time.

I was practically mall-h0pping. Fr0m one end to an0ther. Fr0m car to bus to m0n0rail to lrt.

First st0p, digit4l mall in sec14 acc0mpanying a fren and lo0kin at my baby. I'm c0untin d0wn the days, baby.

Next, midvall3y. 2 find a b0ok. Bought it and c0uldn't find what my sis wanted.

So, we decided 2 go lowy4t. But we didn't, since we end up in times sq. She f0und what she was lo0kin 4.

And i had the sh0ck of my life when he wanted 2 meet me.

Him: janganla marah.

Me: ......

Him: kelakar pun ada, takut pun ada.

Me: ......

I ended up meeting him, for the briefest time after a long time away. In klcc.

He's still him. Those eyes and that gaze. The one i came to kn0w and remember. Th0ugh i ch0se to forget and i forg0t that i ch0se to f0rget, thanks 4 seeing me.

Thats my mallh0pping idea. Bai.

Amazing weekend

2010-03-05T13:32:00.001+08:00

That was what i b0ught for all the m0ney we shared for mahadir's wedding.

Melaka was sc0rching h0t. I wish i c0uld be j.lo at h0me, lol!

Her h0use is c0zy. I ad0re it. If only her hubby is n0t there. Hehe.

Jb was fun. Went to eat my fave kacang ph0ol and sot0. Though i was p0orer, it was w0rth it (since s0meone else is driving tehehe)

The gro0m had a nasty pimple on his n0se, yea of all the days. But he was so happy the brilliance outsh0ne the pesky pimple. Congratz dude.

Near or far, being with people wh0 matters are the ultimate balm to a s0re heart.

Hehe

2010-03-03T23:38:00.001+08:00

Me:

Hardships may turn y0u cold. But keep y0ur heart open and warm, for the love that may t0uch y0u. At least, n0w for nat.

Him:

Thanks. Yea, i c0uldn't pass a day with0ut t0uching her.

Me:

Touch her. And play undisclos3d desir3s.

Geez. Are we a bunch of retards, making an object s0unds like a real girl? At least i think i'm the retard0. Hehe.

How i spent my planned day

2010-02-25T21:24:00.001+08:00

I planned 2 do sumthin official 2day, ended up n0t d0in it, but d0ing sumthin else.

Me: i wanna watch fr0m paris wit luv, since j0nathan rhys-my3rs is in it.

Him: lol. Not a chick-flick!

Me: let n0t the title f0ol y0u. It's acti0n-packed thriller. Haha.

So, we were walkin and there was a ramp that i didn't n0tice, so i alm0st tripped and i managed an "omak ko!" th0 quietly. Gile segan oke!

(I was havin the n0ti0n that he might be thinkin that me being all s0phisticated, a near-trip on the ramp destr0yed all the s0phisticatedness with melatah, dang!)

He was sizing me d0wn to my sh0es and his questi0n startled me,

Him: why didn't y0u wear heels?

Me: my heels w0uld make me feel like a giant, plus kesian kat y0u. (I made it a mental n0te n0t 2 embarass my guy frens by wearing my outrage0us heels and t0wer ab0ve them)

His answer again baffled me,

Him: seri0usly i d0nt mind. I tak kisah pun.

Me: well, i've been wearing heels all week. Need to give my feet a break.

Him: y0u w0men, gave the same excuse of wearing the flats. Lol!

He's still the blunt charmer. So easy to be with. And i h0pe our friendship thrives, thru weddings and chat sessi0ns. Get the darn pink f0nt off. It girlifies y0u. Plus it's ann0ying :-P

And yes, it has been 7 years.

P/s: the m0vie is all acti0n. I hate the plot, th0ugh.

Kadang2

2010-02-25T08:48:00.001+08:00

I d0n't have many frens. But i kept th0se i have near. Wary of new relati0ns, c0z i'm darn n0t go0d at it.

The w0rds in the pic describes a few of those i cared b0ut. I just kept things separate, c0z i have categ0rized all of them.

And yea, i d0n't have the heart to c0ntinue writing. Cuti m0od, g0in back 2 sleep. To0dles!

jawapan teka-teki

2010-02-22T10:55:00.006+08:00

senarai jawapan:
1. karpet
2. span cuci pinggan
3. baju sejuk kapas
4. kasut..
5. wall
6. sebahagian dari gambar
7. bende alah cuci pinggan yg kale ijau yg nipis
8. kerusi meggerutu
9. sushi
10. rumpai laut yg cover sushi tu
11. baju
12. seluar
13. teddy bear
14. span mandi
15. beg
16. span cuci keta
17. cover mknn
18. tapak tangan gorilla
19. sampah
20. alas barang...
21. teddy bear putih yg dah kepam
22. biskut
23. baju
24. Bantal/comforter
25. bende bulu2 yg biasa org pasang kat dashboard kete tu... tp ni rasenyer dah lame x basuh.
26. coklat
27. wrapping paper
28. kuih jepun
29. kek coklat
30. cupcake
31. new interior wallpaper
32. cake, pandan or choc
33. glove for winter
34. lantai yg sudah merekah dan berkulat
35. puke
36. siling yg bocor dan lembab serta berkulat
37. tilam
38. socks
39. scarf for winter
40. t shirt baru
41. dompet
42. roti
43. bantal x basuh 10 tahun
44. pasir kaler2 yg utk decorate kertas bergam
45. alas kaki
46. kulit pokok
47. kuih raya

explanation untuk hint 1:
antara banyak-banyak jawapan, ada antara jawapan tu yang berkait.
- karpet- span

explanation untuk hint 2:
share? tak nak!
- korang sure tak nak share benda nih dengan orang lain.

terima kasih kepada korang yang telah mencuba berkali-kali (walaupun aku tau motivasi nye adalah hadiah chillis nih, hahaha!). yang broadcast tanye kawan-kawan ofis, festbuk sume. terima kasih. tapi kali ni bukan rezeki korang kot.

dan pemenangnye ialah:

ecah, ke aku kene bagi kat minah ni yang tolong ko? hahaha

ok ecah, set date nak gi makan chillis. aku baru nak save duit, memang rezeki ko ler. kepada kawan-kawan yang lain, moh le join kitorang makan chillis, tapi kene bayar sendiri la.

ok. bai.

Worries and whatn0t

2010-02-22T00:15:00.001+08:00

I am nearing the big three-oh. Ooh, it will still be a few m0re years. Now living the busy life. Being selfish. Being with my r0ckin frens.

Just w0nderin if this is the kinda life i wanna see myself livin in a few years ahead.

As of n0w, the c0ncerns of my single life are:

- my ever-gr0wing feet. Either that, or the standard sh0e sizes has been changed. I lo0k like the s0ur-faced versi0n of r0nald mcd0nald whenever i wear my fave sneakers. Geez.

- how 2 have m0re m0ney. To travel. To buy everything i ever wanted with0ut having to pause and calculate.

- what to eat for lunch/dinner?

- whether i've d0ne en0ugh for the ones closest to the heart.

- i kn0w i'm being a beetch, thats part of my m0od swings, and y0u kn0w it, but y0u still be there whenever and wherever. Please bear with me.

- h0w am i g0nna wear my saxy heels / wedges if i kept t0wering over every0ne? (Get ownself a very very tall h0t hunk wh0 w0uld still be tall en0ugh when i'm with wedges. Which might be quite hard, since they're all taken. Dang!)

- i am gettin so gemuk, i might have to get a wh0le new wardr0be. Not happy even when i get 2 go sh0ppin. Ugh!

- setting a few things to achieve this year.

That's ab0ut it. I think a lot less these days.

P/s: teka teki answer is g0nna be revealed in the next entry. No winners. *s0b*s0b*

Guess

2010-02-16T23:37:00.001+08:00

Teka apa gambar di atas?

Sape dapat teka, aku belanja chillis.

Serius.

Ye, aku tak tipu. :-P

Cuti

2010-02-14T21:22:00.001+08:00

Sat:

Had the luxury of wakin' up late. Waited for my sis.

Went to a place where i used 2 c0me 4 my yearly raya sh0ppin and i hadn't go there for m0re than a year.

I b0ught 2 pairs of sh0es. Ate cend0l + abc. Fried myself walkin in the heat and being in a stuffy fanless sh0p.

Relaxed at h0me watchin h0chak! Ate k0ayte0w And ir0n-man on dvd. Peri0d.

Sun:

Met a fren for my beauty supply. Thanx babe!

Went to midveli, g0t the pic as i had bad ulcer. What ann0ys me is it's strawberry flav0ured. I'm n0t a frikkin' kid anym0re, th0 i behave like 1 sumtimes. Geez!

Pard0n my rantings. I'm in h0liday m0od still, and every0ne else is on holiday but i have to c0me to w0rk 2m0ro. Yes, i'm a w0rkaholic. I hate seeing a lot of j0b piles up after long holiday fr0m werk! Dem.

w00t!!

2010-02-12T12:50:00.002+08:00

bile la aku nak dapat internet connection kat umah yang speed lagi laju dari cahaya yg macam nih?

tunggu la bapak aku beli leased line. hahaha!

p0verty and hunger

2010-02-11T13:35:00.006+08:00

i was playing this when this question pops:

and the answer is:

which is funny. as i can come up with,

" my sinciput is throbbing with pain "

rofl!

on the other hand.

open up this link: not recommended for the faint-hearted though.

why do i feel i need to contribute something

it's sad really. of the feeling that what you do will never be enough. never will be.

Brand new

2010-02-10T23:19:00.001+08:00

His new gf. Name's natalie.

I might call her nate, or natty, if she's nice and sings undisclosed desires for me. *hint hint*

Him: isn't she sexy? :-P

Me: ugh, sh0uld've br0ught me along.

Him: well, she'd be jealous then and it'll be harder for me to tackle her.

Haha!

Anyone interested? In case he g0t b0red of her, will let y0u kn0w. But i bet he's all over her for the time being. Lol!

Hitam

2010-02-10T18:41:00.001+08:00

I'm so pissed i felt like slapping s0me beetch dead. En0ugh of making me feel inc0herent, n0w y0u make me feel betrayed and stabbed at the back?

I th0ught y0u kn0w me, but all y0u cared ab0ut was y0ur own s0rry arse.

Fcuk u bitch.

I am feelin evil and black. Dem u!

saxy song!

2010-02-10T12:44:00.000+08:00

I know you suffered
But I don't want you to hide
It's cold and loveless
I won't let you be denied

Soothe me
I'll make you feel pure
Trust me
You can be sure

I want to reconcile the violence in your heart
I want to recognize your beauty is not just a mask
I want to exorcise the demons from your past
I want to satisfy the undisclosed desires in your heart

You take your lovers that you're wicked and divine
You may be a sinner
But your innocence is mine

Please me
Show me how it's done
Tease me
You are the one

mus3 - undisclosed desires

Fatticide!

2010-02-05T08:36:00.001+08:00

To th0se clueless, fatticide is c0ined by arni (thx a bunch!), on my entry of ch0colate spree.

So it meant, fat suicide. Commiting stubb0rn fat to the b0dy.

I to0k a g0od lo0k at myself and was appalled! I kn0w i was getting fat, but n0t THIS fat!

Omg! My basic rule is to kn0w the limit when i have a hard time fitting int0 my fave jeans.

But even when i can fit into my jeans, i lo0k h0rrible. Like a pear, ripe, waiting to be eaten.

This calls for a maj0r change. Drastic measures to be listed d0wn. Maybe even j0ining a gym.

But b4 that, i'm g0in 2 curl up and enj0y the picture 4 breakfast. Bliss!

Rand0m issues

2010-02-03T19:34:00.001+08:00

Th0ught 1

Me: ini (the pic ab0ve) bun atau syurga?

Him: ini namenye cinnam0roll, tak penah lak teng0k syurga camne. Hehe.

Me: chet. Teng0k tu, syurga gula. *ngap* eh, syurga gula tak manis sangat *ngap*ngap*

Him: meant to look that way, d0esn't mean have to taste that sweet.

Me: *ngap* uhuh! *ngap*ngap*

Sedap gile, aku terus order 10.

Th0ught 2

Me: j0m ah trun makan.

Her: eh kejap. Nak lukis kening, tikus tu terkejut teng0k kening ai, jangan marah.

Me: rofl!

Th0ught 3

I was laughing so hard when she n0ticed s0mething and started laughing harder.

Her: look at the *laugh* state of *laugh* your n0se *rofl*

My kembang n0se was scrunching up and lo0ked like a weird butt0n. Haha.

Keji!

2010-02-01T22:35:00.001+08:00

Me: nak masuk b.o.s la.

Guy 1: tak yah la. Nanti ko nampak baju yang aku pakai ni.

Me: eh, mane de. Mesti die dah tuka baju pattern lain.

Guy 1: iye la. Aku masuk aritu, baju yang aku beli 5 bulan lepas pun ada.

Me: gile takde taste ko ni. Sampai baju yang ko beli nampak sangat orang tak beli.

Guy 2: lol! Right in your face, man!

Erk, gile keji aku ni kutuk org tak hengat. When what i was wearing at that time, were far w0rse than a hippi3 on c0ke. Ada hati kutuk org. Haha. Yea, pr0ud hippi3 wearing selip4r j3pun.

Cravings

2010-01-31T20:52:00.001+08:00

Eaten.
The pic.
Just n0w.

Filling the m0uth with sensati0nal beefy taste. Every bite is juicy and tender, making y0u crave for m0re. Marvellousness.

Meatballs @ ekia (intenti0nal wr0ng spelling). One year long craving, satiated. Bliss.

Patience is.

2010-01-30T19:39:00.001+08:00

It was raining kitties and p0opies. I braved it to go to sum place i used to call h0me.

My fave sh0es were drenched wet and so do half of my jeans. Just like the pic. Since i had to cr0ss sumthin like daws0ns creek. The dirty versi0n.

While i was shivering cold, only to find out that when i arrived, the place is as dry as a feather.

What patience?

Flight of 220

2010-01-29T08:33:00.001+08:00

It was a bit haywire this m0rning. After i s0rted it out and calmed d0wn, the elevat0r came d0wn, i knew i had to do what i tried n0t 2 do a year ago.

It was full, and the only one w0rking out of 3. The ch0ices are either i'm g0nna be very late or just in time.

One thing 4 sure, i hate waiting 4 sumthin unsure, and the preci0us time it wastes as it will literally st0p at every floor.

So, aku turun tangga. 220 anak tangga dlm 7 minit. Tu je aku nk cakap. Skg dh penat, malas keje. =p

pengakuan paling jujur

2010-01-28T17:30:00.002+08:00

me : have you ever been shopping with girls?
him : my mom counts tak?
him : haha
him : grocery shopping penah la
me : lol
me : grocery shopping senang
me : clothes / shoes
him : emm.. tak kot..
him : i dont have good sense for fashion in d first place..
him : so.. maybe sbb tu kot tak diajak
him : huahaha

jujur gile. salut!

Preci0us finds

2010-01-28T08:18:00.001+08:00

Yea, it's the infam0us tehb0tol. In a k0tak. Haha.

I think the sh0pkeeper mumbled s0mething ab0ut the original b0tol n0t allowed f0r exp0rt or sumthin.

It c0sts rm2.50, which was waay t0o c0stly since with that am0unt of m0ney, i can at least get 5 tehb0tol in a k0tak at its place of origin - ind0nesia.

It's hard to find c0ke over there. Better still, tehb0tol is much cheaper. The original is jasmine while s0sr0 - the manufacturer has other variants like peach and apple.

She queried what was so special abt tehb0tol that i lo0ked as happy as a kid who g0t the t0y that he wanted. Well, it's a special c0nnecti0n that whenever i think of ind0n, i think of tehb0tol, vice versa.

It reminds me of the happy times.

I heart tehb0tol!