:-) <- what's with this kind of emotion?

happy things make me sick. i can't explain.

it's just this weird urge to puke whenever i see happy things. i can't feel happy when i see happy things happening.


there were the times, i hope i can relive some parts of my life. especially these few years back. it's just a thought of living them differently. though i know fate will have me back to square one, i know i'd been different.

then, i pray that even when our paths crossed, that would be it. you'd be on your own, and i'd be on mine, without the chance to know you like i did today. i'll be sincere and kept strictly as friends. unlike now when i can't even tell the difference between angry and hurtful.

is it a sign that i'm able to handle all of this? for God didn't test you with something He knows you can't handle. coz i'm already a grown-up now.

a grown-up trying so hard to catch up with her lost-youth. pathetic i know, but i traded my youthfulness with playing all grown-up. which i failed too, both, miserably.


looks like it has finally taken its toll. wish i'm not dead, like now.

putting up a tough front..

... when all of my insides want to throw up and crumble.

it makes me happy to the extent of making me so sick and sad.




he said : you are stronger than what you think. give it all of you and the unexpected may become your treasures one day. one fine day. insya-ALLAH.